Still trying to figure this out...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welocme,AJJ!
best way,imo, is,welp...first do ya understand what a sponsor is?
if not theres a pamplet titled, "questions and answers on sponsorship" that explains it
then, listen at meetings for someone that has what you want, then approach them and ask them if they can sponsor you.
now, if they say they cant, dont get discouraged. ask them if they know someone available or just keep listening at meetings.
best way,imo, is,welp...first do ya understand what a sponsor is?
if not theres a pamplet titled, "questions and answers on sponsorship" that explains it
then, listen at meetings for someone that has what you want, then approach them and ask them if they can sponsor you.
now, if they say they cant, dont get discouraged. ask them if they know someone available or just keep listening at meetings.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'd also add...do they ask people willing to be sponsors to raise their hands? They do at one of my bigger clubhouses; in the other they say to ask someone after or talk to the meeting leader.
I watched around and listened to people for what many would consider a long time- I didn't get a sponsor til day 97. I had noticed her a few times, thought she was smart and perceptive, and she raised her hand to be willing; I went up and asked her. It took me that long to be comfortable doing that. She turned out to be the perfect FIRST sponsor- we started at the beginning of the BB and she taught me a ton, and I would highly suggest this method as a great foundation. For different reasons, I decided to move on to my current sponsor (I am almost 7mo sober and I started working with her around 4,5 mo) who is more in sync with my overall "spirit of the law" with a BB foundation approach to my sobriety. It is just fine to just get a temporary sponsor to get started, as well.
Another approach might be to talk to a person or two after the meetings (or before) and get a feel for who the longer time sober people are. Start with conversation, ask if they've sponsored anybody, whatever- just get warmed up to folks and see where they lead you.
I watched around and listened to people for what many would consider a long time- I didn't get a sponsor til day 97. I had noticed her a few times, thought she was smart and perceptive, and she raised her hand to be willing; I went up and asked her. It took me that long to be comfortable doing that. She turned out to be the perfect FIRST sponsor- we started at the beginning of the BB and she taught me a ton, and I would highly suggest this method as a great foundation. For different reasons, I decided to move on to my current sponsor (I am almost 7mo sober and I started working with her around 4,5 mo) who is more in sync with my overall "spirit of the law" with a BB foundation approach to my sobriety. It is just fine to just get a temporary sponsor to get started, as well.
Another approach might be to talk to a person or two after the meetings (or before) and get a feel for who the longer time sober people are. Start with conversation, ask if they've sponsored anybody, whatever- just get warmed up to folks and see where they lead you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Talk to people before and after meetings. Get to know some people. Get phone numbers and start calling them. Ask the universe to put your sponsor in front of you and they will be there soon (your gut will tell you!)
My gut was a bit backwards in early sobriety, so I had to go against it. When it said, "Don't do that" I had to go and do that......it was uncomfortable, but it worked for me!
My gut was a bit backwards in early sobriety, so I had to go against it. When it said, "Don't do that" I had to go and do that......it was uncomfortable, but it worked for me!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by AJJ510127 
Thank you for the advice, and welcoming me to the group. I do understand what a sponsor is, but I was a little confused as to how you select one. Hopefully I can find one that aligns well with me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
That pamphlet is really VERY good. It's worth reading through so you know what you might want to ask your sponsor when you first get going after asking them.
I think it needs to be someone who has already done their step work, with solid, healthy recovery behind them. Someone who 'has what you want' in terms of sobriety. Not necessarily someone you'd be best mates with, or even friends necessarily. But someone you would be prepared to listen to, and act on their advise even if it told you to do something that you didn't realky want to do, or wasn't 'your kind of thing'. I picked my sponsor because she spoke lots of sense, seemed to really value her sobriety and the fellowship. Was able to stay positive despite the fact she was going through some problems (ie one of the things I wanted to learn to be able to do), and I never heard her gossip. Ever. So I trusted her. Also, she can be a bit of an old dragon at times so I know she won't take my nonsense , which was especially important at the beginning, but still can be now. I don't need someone who will tell me what I want to hear. I do that for myself all the time, and had plenty of other people trained to respect my 'elephants in the room'. What I needed was someone who was prepared to just say what I NEEDED to hear, whether I was going to like it or not.
When you have someone you think would make you a good sponsor, it's okay to just ask. I said something along the lines of "I really think I need to do the step work or I'm going to go mad. Would you consider being my sponsor. " (She said something like "Of course I will. But you need to contact me. And I don't stand any messing about. I wondered when you were going to ask." Lol. All very straightforward.
I think it needs to be someone who has already done their step work, with solid, healthy recovery behind them. Someone who 'has what you want' in terms of sobriety. Not necessarily someone you'd be best mates with, or even friends necessarily. But someone you would be prepared to listen to, and act on their advise even if it told you to do something that you didn't realky want to do, or wasn't 'your kind of thing'. I picked my sponsor because she spoke lots of sense, seemed to really value her sobriety and the fellowship. Was able to stay positive despite the fact she was going through some problems (ie one of the things I wanted to learn to be able to do), and I never heard her gossip. Ever. So I trusted her. Also, she can be a bit of an old dragon at times so I know she won't take my nonsense , which was especially important at the beginning, but still can be now. I don't need someone who will tell me what I want to hear. I do that for myself all the time, and had plenty of other people trained to respect my 'elephants in the room'. What I needed was someone who was prepared to just say what I NEEDED to hear, whether I was going to like it or not.
When you have someone you think would make you a good sponsor, it's okay to just ask. I said something along the lines of "I really think I need to do the step work or I'm going to go mad. Would you consider being my sponsor. " (She said something like "Of course I will. But you need to contact me. And I don't stand any messing about. I wondered when you were going to ask." Lol. All very straightforward.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by AJJ510127
Slightly balding, gray hair, maybe a mustache, and short.
i mentioned my sponsor in another post recently. mid 60's and i was 36. he got sober at 33. told me once," the only was i got gray, old, and fat was by getting sober and workin the steps."
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
