Nelly1

Hello all. I wrote a few days ago about my fiances return from rehab. Today I am struggling. His mood seems a little down..... His sleep patterns are severely off. The first two days home he seemed in great spirits and super grateful and happy. He says he's just tired... I know he isn't high.... I know this, however, it seems his short temper and lack of interest (like he had when he was using) are coming back. It's the third day home. I don't want to jump the gun here... I don't want to say the wrong thing or be accusatory or constantly bring up things I think are wrong.... I don't know how to adjust to this. It's hard, I'm so araid of a relapse which Could be life threatening with so much sober time. My biggest fear is that a relapse could kill him... I think that's where most of my fear is coming from. Has anyone gone through this? I would love some input

cece1960

Nelly, the best thing that you could do for the both of you is lead your life and let him figure out the highs and lows of post rehab. Do something nice for yourself today!

atalose

Someone recently shared this with me regarding our FEAR…..

Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire, if you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can’t control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you.

Your fear lies in his actions, something you cannot control so use that fear to become stronger, more knowledgeable about alcoholism, go to al-anon, talk with a therapist, put that energy into yourself and figure out all of your why’s, otherwise that fear will be like a cancer in your relationship.

Let him do him and you do you. Early recovery is pretty tuff, lots of ups and downs him being moody at this stage can be normal.

Rehab is not a cure, it’s not like he came home all fixed and good as new. His lifelong journey is just beginning.

Ann

Rehab isn't a guaranteed cure, it gives them the tools to use when they feel like your fiance feels. The real recovery begins after rehab when they live life on life's terms.

He will stay sober or he will relapse and no matter how much you worry it won't change the outcome.

Relax and enjoy his sober time now, and know that the longer he stays sober the better he will feel.

Hugs

Nata1980

Yes, this!

Newly sober people can be crazier than when they were using

Nelly1

Thanks for all of the replies and helpful words! I know that this is a huge battle for him..... It is so hard adjusting. We become so used to the poor treatment and the lies and manipulation that when they do stop using its so difficult to believe. It's hard to stop checking everything they do and wondering if they are lying. It's like my brain is still on high alert. I always thought I would feel differently .... It's like ptsd. Everytime I see something that is orange like a needle cap or white like a Baggie I die a thousand deaths. It's like a flashback and I freak out. I know eventually I will shake this. When you spend a year of your life petrified of someone dying or hearing about yet another drug overdose on the news and picturing him in a casket or what you'll say at his funeral... Or how your world would crumble if he died ... your whole way of thinking is forever changed. This Experiance of loving a man for years and then watching him get addicted to pain pills and go on to heroin had forever changed me. I feel like I need to give back or help people... Do some good in this world where addiction is so misunderstood and judged. im just rambling now but I know you all get it. Xoxox

August252015

Are you going to AlAnon/CODA? Sounds like it would be a big help for YOU.

His behavior sounds completely normal (speaking as the Alcoholic) in early sobriety, and that can mean an amount of time that's longer than you would think to be "early." Here is a good example on PAWS that might help you understand more about things an alcoholic can experience -
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

Good luck. There is work to be done on both of your parts, but it is possible. Take care of yourself. Remember: you didn't cause his alcoholism, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

Lastly, I would (gently) suggest that you avoid any parent/child, disciplinarian/student dynamics that can crop up....things like using a breathalyzer or other means to "check" on him, tracking where he goes and when, etc etc will drive you crazy and lead to resentment- and are usually counterproductive.

Nelly1

Sorry for any confusion he is not an alcoholic. He is an iv heroin user. Making a relapse terrifying

Nelly1

To clarify I know all relapses are terrifying I just mean u always hear the horror stories of heroin addicts doing their original dose after rehab and end up overdosing on that amount because their tolerance is low. While visiting him in rehab I heard of two dying that week who had just been released its so horrifying and it kills me inside because I 1) feel bad for the addict.... Yes I do because their human, they are sick but human and 2) somebody loves them, I can't imagine losing this battle and having him die. I can't imagine the poor families who had so much hope burying their children.... It's a nightmare

CodeJob

I found HALT useful when my freshly returned RAH started going acting goofy.

H - hungry
A- angry
L- lonely
T- tired

JimC60

Nelly,

Ann has once again struck the nail squarely on the head.......

"He will stay sober or he will relapse and no matter how much you worry it won't change the outcome."

That is the simple and complete truth condensed into one concise sentence. Also the basis for Step One from Nar-Anon -- "We admitted that we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanageable."

Keep coming back,

Jim