New to forum, coping with end stage
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 12
New to forum, coping with end stage
Hi, this is my 1st time here. So apologies if I write this in the wrong place.
I have now come to terms with the fact that my father who is in end stage of alcoholism will never get better. After years of attempts. Especially some desperate pleas in the last few weeks, I have now realised that there is nothing I can do. He wants to die. He is I unrecognisable, the house is in dire states, he doesn't eat, sleep or wash. He is drinking constantly (mainly vodka) and this rapid decline has come over the last 6months. He has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 33.
He lives alone, and I'm the only one left to help him and look after him.
I guess I am here to ask, how much longer can he go on like this?
I have now come to terms with the fact that my father who is in end stage of alcoholism will never get better. After years of attempts. Especially some desperate pleas in the last few weeks, I have now realised that there is nothing I can do. He wants to die. He is I unrecognisable, the house is in dire states, he doesn't eat, sleep or wash. He is drinking constantly (mainly vodka) and this rapid decline has come over the last 6months. He has been an alcoholic my whole life. I'm 33.
He lives alone, and I'm the only one left to help him and look after him.
I guess I am here to ask, how much longer can he go on like this?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome, Emlou. Glad you found us here at SR b/c it surely sounds like you could use some support and a listening ear. What an awful situation for you to be in--I feel for you. You'll find here that you are NOT alone, and there are many compassionate hearts and loving souls that will help you get thru this.
As far as your question about how long he can go on, I honestly couldn't say. I have certainly read stories here from people whose A has gone on far longer than anyone could have believed.
It doesn't seem to me there is much you can do for him at this point, but taking care of yourself is going to be important. Checking out Alanon for some face-to-face support would likely be helpful, as well as reading as much as you can here.
Again, welcome to SR. I'm sure you'll have more replies as the day goes on. Just remember, there is one life you can save here, and it's yours. (((hugs)))
As far as your question about how long he can go on, I honestly couldn't say. I have certainly read stories here from people whose A has gone on far longer than anyone could have believed.
It doesn't seem to me there is much you can do for him at this point, but taking care of yourself is going to be important. Checking out Alanon for some face-to-face support would likely be helpful, as well as reading as much as you can here.
Again, welcome to SR. I'm sure you'll have more replies as the day goes on. Just remember, there is one life you can save here, and it's yours. (((hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 12
Thank you.
I am realising just how common this is, and it's reassuring reading other people's stories here.
I feel like I am just playing along now and fooling him, as he is in his own world where nothing he says makes much sense, and now I just go along with it to try and keep him happy in some way. It's soul destroying seeing someone so tormented, but I have my own family that need me to. I'm torn between two worlds at the moment.
I am realising just how common this is, and it's reassuring reading other people's stories here.
I feel like I am just playing along now and fooling him, as he is in his own world where nothing he says makes much sense, and now I just go along with it to try and keep him happy in some way. It's soul destroying seeing someone so tormented, but I have my own family that need me to. I'm torn between two worlds at the moment.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,977
Welcome Emlou! So very glad you found us; this is exactly the right place to post given your situation. I can't tell you how sorry I am for what you are going through. It sounds beyond horrible.
As Honeypig said, please, please take care of yourself and your family. Even if the situation hadn't progressed so far, there is little to nothing you can do for an alcoholic unless they choose help.
Many here recommend Codependent No More as a good read for those of use involved with alcoholics.
Let us know how you get on and big hug to you.
As Honeypig said, please, please take care of yourself and your family. Even if the situation hadn't progressed so far, there is little to nothing you can do for an alcoholic unless they choose help.
Many here recommend Codependent No More as a good read for those of use involved with alcoholics.
Let us know how you get on and big hug to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 91
Sorry to hear of your situation, Hearthealth. It is like watching a loved one succumb to a horrible disease, same as cancer or aids. Maybe more like brain cancer because I believe alcoholism is a brain disease. True it can spread to many other organs but it begins in the brain. Your father is not to blame for his disease so he doesn't need to be forgiven. And hope is still there as long as he is breathing. Sending sincere prayers your way for strength and understanding. God Bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks for the replies.
I am trying my hardest to not let this take over my life, but I get constant messages from him. Babbled and confused, he's saying some things that are really starting to worry me now and I fear he is becoming not only a danger to himself but to others too. I have been reading about wet brain syndrome and I think he could have it. I just don't know where to turn for help. He was offered rehab and detox but he refused.
I am trying my hardest to not let this take over my life, but I get constant messages from him. Babbled and confused, he's saying some things that are really starting to worry me now and I fear he is becoming not only a danger to himself but to others too. I have been reading about wet brain syndrome and I think he could have it. I just don't know where to turn for help. He was offered rehab and detox but he refused.
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