Darwinia

In a previous post I asked why we became alcoholics. There was a very thought provoking response by awuh 1: " People who became alcoholics come from widely differing backgrounds, have different genetic predispositions to alcoholism and drank for different 'reasons'. Nevertheless there does seem to be a common thread. Many of us had the perception that life was not all that meaningful."

Steve K in his blog 12stepphilosophy voiced this same theme a bit differently. "The addict's demand is excessive due to the acute sense of hunger or emptiness felt."

Gabor Mate called his book about addiction "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts".

Is alcoholism just a watered down (or rather soaked through) version of nihilism? Do we just simply not care that much about life, the universe and everything?

Anna

There are no absolutes here. If anything, I cared far too much and was hurt terribly by things I saw and experienced.

I loved 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts'.

steve-in-kville

I think I may have been the opposite. I stopped caring about things I should've cared deeply about.

uncorked

I don't think you can use any type of broad brush to define a problem drinker. I came from a loving family, extended family, no abuse, I'm very close with my family, did well in school, went to college, had a nice career, dated nice men, then wound up with someone who was verbally abusive and controlling. I drank to numb myself. It hurt too much otherwise. So maybe I cared too much as well.

lessgravity

I couldn't disagree more. Though I do think that, in latter stages, being an alcoholic can make someone a nihilist and feed the kind of suicidal/meaningless existence you speak of -

for most of us, and for me certainly, it's this inner desire for something else that drives you here, that drives us to not want to sacrifice everything to the beast.

If you didn't have that sliver of self-preservation, that wants a deeper, more meaningful existence than what being a drunk allows - why would you be here asking these questions at all?

ScottFromWI

I'd agree with Steve, I think i started caring less towards the end of my drinking than I did at the beginning. I cared about a lot of things very passionately both before, during and after my drinking career.

As others have mentioned, there are no absolutes. While it's not a direct comparison, I like to equate my addiction to alcohol to an allergy. My son has a somewhat severe peanut allergy. He doesn't spend days on end agonizing over why he has the allergy, or what part of his early life led to his allergy, or where he can buy peanut flavored products that don't contain peanut protein. He simply accepts that if he eats peanuts bad things will happen, reads labels and has an epipen somewhere near in case of an emergency. My therapy, self help and SR is my anti-alchol pen. And I simply accept that I am an alcoholic, no matter why.

steve-in-kville

I like that post!

EndGameNYC

Once I start caring about something, I run the risk of being disappointed. Or heartbroken. When I have nothing left to lose, there's no point in not drinking. And, as a paradox, that's exactly where I needed to be in order to put down the drink.

advbike

I think drinking, and addiction in general, is more about avoiding discomfort and painful reality, than experiencing a lack of meaning in life. Many alcoholics are very sensitive people and many aspects of life for us are difficult and frustrating. We seek to avoid the pain, yet I think most still search for a way out, for a meaningful existence in the end.

If you read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, you would know his book refers to addicts with deep emotional wounds, often a result of chaotic or traumatic childhoods. These addicts desperately want a meaningful existence, love, friends, etc.. despite the pain they feel.

awuh1

Darwinia, In the end I can only speak for myself regarding that sense of nihilism which seems to fuel the drinking of so many. When it came right down to it, I drank for effect. I drank to change how I felt. I did this because there did not seem to be enough of what I needed in life without the effect of a mind and mood altering chemical called alcohol.

It filled the void. When it became necessary to give up alcohol I was confronted with just how large that void was.

I was fortunate. In my early sobriety I had someone who successfully challenged some of my most deeply held beliefs. Their goal was not to lead me to any specific belief. Quite the opposite. It was to get me to examine my own beliefs and possibly gain a different and more accurate perspective. Eventually I had to admit that I had a great deal of 'confirmation bias' which had maintained many long held beliefs and prevented unbiased assessment of new information. Fortunately that's changed.

Katzen

Just had to chime in to how I found myself an alcoholic...

My husband and I would have a couple drinks a night on weekend nights, and I had endometriosis which worsened and the pain started becoming unbearable, yet I didn't like taking the pain meds I was prescribed because they made me feel weird and drowsy and not fully in control of my mind and body. But I noticed on weekends when I'd have a couple drinks of vodka I'd feel relaxed, not totally pain-free, but it relaxed me enough that I could ignore the bad pain and was able to sleep well and wake up usually still in pain but not feeling like I was drugged up like when I took painkillers.

And so I started drinking a couple shots every night, instead of just on weekends. It was like a medicine that worked for me better than prescription pain killers so I could fall asleep and get a good nights' sleep (prescription pain killers made me feel horrible, otc pain killers did nothing for me, and otc sleep aids made me feel drowsy all the next day).

So that's how I found myself to be an alcoholic... Eventually I had to take swigs in the morning and at least every 6-8 hours or I'd get the shakes. I realized I,was,physically addicted to alcohol.

I don't hate my life, I think I am very fortunate to have a beautiful new house, perfect husband, great kids and grandkids. Not all alcoholics hate themselves or their lives.... Reading through these threads I see many of us drink/drank as self-medication and many found out through medical tests they were harming themselves and needed to quit. Myself, , my blood work was always fine and latest test a couple weeks ago still fine... But I realized I needed to stop drinking because getting the shakes when abstaining was a sign that I was physically addicted, and didn't want this to control my life.

Notimetoloose

When I was young and got into trouble with addiction it was the escape that I craved from the drugs because I cared too much and it overwhelmed me.

Delizadee

I always cared way too much about everything and everyone else, and didn't care much for myself. I coped with being overwhelmed by the hurt I was dealt and the hurt I caused by drinking. It was a vicious circle and snowballed until I couldn't handle all the pain I felt for all the pain I caused. That's what always made me want to end it all. I cared too much and didn't have the capability to fix the external and internal chaos, and when it became too much for me I wanted to end my life so I was no longer a burden or a pain to those I cared about.

kittycat3

I can see that perspective, the nihilist one. I.e. "No, I've got it so bad I have to numb the pain with something." You know the terminal uniqueness thing.
But it's much more than that. We are all running from something, some worse than others, and we all have had our own version of hell we've come back from.
And on some level, we all have a physical component to it, our bodies react different to alcohol than normies.
A perfect storm. too complex to summarize into a single reason, unless perhaps it is, "we are alcoholic."