lovetolisten

For those with long term sobriety - when do the emotions even out?

When did you trust your sober head to make clear decisions?

I have read a number of places that you should try to avoid any major life changes (job, relationship, where you live) within the first year of sobriety. Why is that?

Berrybean

I needed to do some real focussed recovery work before I started to gain a clearer perspective. Thankfully that was through AA, so I had my sponsor to talk over any decision or quandries with. The idea of me making any major decisions in that first year fills me with horror. I was barely able to figure out whether I was in the right or wrong, and the best thing to do in any given situation at that time. My emotions were all over the place, and I was still figuring my way through all the old resentments and fears that I'd managed to smother with drink for decades which now needed to be dealt with.

I knew I was getting better when I started knowing what my sponsor would suggest before she answered me. I then started to trust my own judgement more (on good days). I still like to double check with someone in the fellowship if I'm feeling like I'm getting unduly rattled by something or someone, and they help me to work through it. If they're not available I just stick to my normal inventory spot check and hope I'm not being a loon.

madgirl

Yup. I read the same things and am doing it wrong ha ha - new job and new house in the first six months ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Getting through it sober - it is messy some days and at times my anxiety is at defcon 4 but I refuse to drink no matter what.

Zanna

I just want to stop eating all the time! Even the cat looks worried

SnazzyDresser

haha, don't eat the cats now!

Berrybean

Actually I did move house, but only because that was already on the cards before I stopped drinking. I just carried through with it. Thankfully it's all turned out okay. (Touch wood)

doggonecarl

Do you have a big lifestyle change planned?

I think the caution about big lifestyle change is so one does not get distracted from the primary focus, which needs to be recovery. Quitting is stressful enough without adding to the stress.

That said, I think that recovery is about change, and BIG change, in order to be successful. One must change one's outlook on so many things; we have to change how we react to various situations, we have to change our routines, the places we go, the people we hang out with. We are changing our brain (for the better) every day we are sober.

I guess the key is making the changes you need to support your decision to get sober, and avoid the ones that won't.

lovetolisten

It's a horrible, vicious cycle. I don't make any decisions because I don't trust myself until I get a clear head, but I haven't yet established the clear head by keeping sober.

Anna

Lovetolisten, I felt lost too when I stopped drinking. One thing I learned was to sit quietly and listen. My soul had the answers, but I had been drowning them out for years by keeping too busy and eventually drinking. Your soul is clear and it's there for you to hear if you're willing to listen.

I also made a major move (for husband's job) at the outset of my recovery. I moved to a place where English was not the first language and I knew nobody. It turned out to be perfect.

MLD51

I waited a year to get involved in a relationship. Almost exactly a year, because that's what they (AA) told me. It was still too soon for me. I still don't have a clear sense of who I really am, what I want from life, how to be healthy in a relationship. I also don't like myself enough yet to let someone else love me without cringing and feeling undeserving.

How long it takes for the emotions to settle down and for us to feel some sort of peace varies greatly, I'm sure. There's no magic timeframe.

VirginiaWoof

Fortunately my post-alcohol cravings are carb based so the dog is safe :-)

january161992

never ... but thats just me

my sponsor says im sicker than average

let me give you an example

i got married when i was 3 years sober ... we just celebrated 21 years!

i asked my sponsors permission to get married

and he is exactly the kind of sponsor to forbid that kind of choice if he thought i wasnt ready. if he had said youre not ready, i wouldnt have gotten married that year

my sponsor along with service are the #1 contributors to my intact sobriety date