Expanding

I managed to move out and sell a house with exA without needing to see him. Yesterday he showed up somewhere I was not expecting him to be. Since then I've been filled with old feelings of guilt, shame and general thoughts of "what is wrong with me?"

No contact is so essential to the healing process. To think I was so hung up on someone who in reality makes me feel so bad... time and space give you clarity. I'm a bundle of anxious nerves right now and i feel like I've taken many steps back

Lilro

You'll be O.K. Now get back up on that white horse and keep moving forward. This was a blip!

honeypig

Why would you see yourself as having "taken many steps back"? You didn't seek him out, you ran into him by accident. It shook you up to see him when you're at a vulnerable point in your life. No fault, no blame, no foul here that I can see, Expanding. Feeling bad in and of itself certainly isn't a "step back"; it's just a feeling, and it will pass. Just weather.

Pause a moment, get your balance, and start moving forward again. You're fine.

Expanding

I feel like I regressed mentally and emotionally. I just want to cry maybe it's the finality of it all. I was romanticizing for a while, trying to just let things go on a good note but seeing him stirs up all these awful memories. I'm tired of talking about it and thinking about it.

This week I'm trying a different type of therapy. I feel like this has gone on long enough.

AnvilheadII

any reason why you can't let yourself cry? i sense you are trying to compartmentalize some of your feelings.....or at the very least LABEL them as acceptable and ok, or not acceptable and bad. they are not.

maybe just ALLOW yourself feel what you feel, without putting on the brakes, or overthinking them......hey i just saw my exbf, we just sold our home, i feel sad. and that is OK.

NYCDoglvr

I certainly agree and you've said it well. It's amazing how quickly the painful old emotions surface when encountering the alcoholic.

Sunshine1234

No contact has been so important for me also. There are times when we still have to be in contact though because of the kids and he always goes in on me whenever the door gets slightly opened. It makes me emotional and I start to feel like I'm loosing it because my emotions are all over the place. It's so much more peaceful when I don't have to hear from him.

LexieCat

I think accidentally running into someone when you ARE "no contact" can rattle a person way more than if you do have occasional contact.

I recently saw a guy at Lowes--from the back--who carried himself and looked so much (from behind) like my last ex, I ducked down to try to see if it was him, and if so, figure out how to avoid him. I'll admit, my heart was racing and I freaked out for a few minutes. It wasn't him, and my adrenaline level dropped, but it was still a freaky experience.

Now, I don't feel sad about having broken up with him (I should have done it long before I did), and I'm not AFRAID of him, but I just didn't want the awkwardness of an encounter. I haven't seen or spoken with him in over five years. Got one email that I ignored.

So, your breakup being so fresh, I'm sure it hit you hard. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think it's pretty normal--not "co-dependent" or anything--to react the way you did. Don't overanalyze it.

Freedom1990

Be good to yourself. You haven't taken any steps back, dear!

Bekindalways

Big hug to you Expanding. Grieving and healing progresses in a series of ups and downs of emotions.

Perhaps seeing him triggered some sadness and grieving that, if it hadn't come up and been experienced, would have come up somewhere down the road of life in some other way.

Hmmm . . . I actually have no idea on the above but just trying to put a positive spin on it. Having contact with my qualifier used to throw me for a few days too.

Nata1980

Expanding - you have not taken steps back. Your feelings are normal, ride through them. Cry if you want to, it is your "party".
There is no therapy that will "cure" it - and the fact that you are checking in with yourself is great.
I wish I could do full no contact with XAH - we have a child together - so it is out of question. It does not seem like not having children together makes it any easier though - hugs to you.

I am dreading this holiday season - he has supervised visitation only and want to be a part of Christmas etc, and already told my son. I feel like I will be escaping for a "run" often - my family will be in town, I will let them deal with him.

Expanding

I am so thankful I don't have children with him. I seriously considered it before I realized what was going on; there always seemed to be a quiet voice that told me not to... never in a million years would I have guessed why. I always said that I would never do to my children what happened to me and on some level I must've always known. I started to want my own family and knowing I didn't want them with him put me in such a weird spot. How do you tell someone you love that you want kids but not with them? Seemed so heartless... and should've been yet another huge red flag signaling to me I needed to jump ship.

an attitude of gratitude seems to help the most, and I'm really grateful we don't have any children together