TimeForMe

Hi everyone - XAH has the dogs tonight. He and I had to talk about divorce paperwork and he is HEAVILY under the influence of something...he said he wasn't drinking but it's obvious he's done something.

He started saying hurtful things so I ended the call but now I'm freaking out about the dogs. This guy has used the dogs as a weapon with me before. I was out of the country and he told me he LOST one of them. Another time he said one of them couldn't walk.

I'm really torn between just trying to breathe and let it go and trust that they'll be ok, and completely losing my mind over this. Should I go get them? Should I not? If something happens to either of them because he is too drunk or whatever, I will never forgive myself.

I feel sick to my stomach, which is probably what he was hoping for - to make me suffer. UGH!!! I can't think straight!!!

Do I go get the dogs tonight??

firebolt

I really, really hope the dogs are listed in the divorce paperwork as your property.

I don't know that there is much you can do - this time, he has not threatened your dogs, correct?

Hang in there - I can't imagine!

dandylion

If it were me and I could go and get them...I would! I would also try to take someone with me.....

TimeForMe

Thanks guys. We agreed that he would keep them most of the time because I live in an apartment, and I would take them when he travels.

I just texted and told him I'm going to go get them.

Will advise.

THANK YOU!

TimeForMe

OK, I just got back. He called when I was almost there and told me not to come because I was not welcome. He sounded a little more coherent than before. So I came home.

I feel that the dogs will be ok tonight. He has never threatened the dogs.

The thing is I'm trying to figure out the difference between acting as the co-dependent fixer, listening to my instinct, and knowing when he's trying to manipulate me.

Luckily, the dogs are the only thing he can use against me.

This sucks!!!!

Refiner

Please let us know what happens! I'm praying things will be ok with you AND them!

honeypig

TFM, please give a dog update when you can--are you and the houndies OK?

TimeForMe

Thanks, Honeypig. The dogs are still with him. I am not happy about it but at this point, I have to really think about what to do. I know he loves them and would not intentionally harm them. I'm more worried that he will be neglectful and something will happen.

Our agreement is that he will keep them most of the time because logistically, it is better for the dogs, and I will take them when he travels for work.

I haven't heard from him since that night. More will be revealed, right?

maia1234

I would recommend doing a "well" check on them. Stop by and say you are missing the dogs. Make sure they have water in their bowl and they look ok. I am sure that he would let you just say "hi".

Ugh!! I would not ever question my instincts dealing with an addict. Your gut is usually correct, they just try and talk you out of that "gut" feeling.

One day at a time, my friend!!

ChloeRose63

Being a PETA Member I am really concerned about the dogs. Please go get them with someone of authority. People can be abusive to animals to get back at others. Please get them to a safe home. Thanks.

SaidNobody

Realizing that you cannot control people is sometimes a bitter pill.

In my opinion, showing excessive concern gives away your advantage. Sadly, in relationships, he/she that cares least has the most power. Caring makes us vulnerable, which is why only the strong care.

However, if he uses the dogs as threats, there are crazy biker groups that hunt people down and exact justice for abused animals. But you didn't hear that from me.

TimeForMe

I really appreciate everyone's input. I have some ideas about what to do but do not want to tip my hand on a public forum. I agree that my weakness is him knowing that I care about the dogs as much as I do. I'll keep everyone updated. Knowing XAH, he will call or text in a day or two remorseful about what he said. Since the divorce was finalized last week, I think it's finally sinking in for him that we are over and he doesn't know how to handle it, so he's trying to hurt me.

I'm not excusing his behavior by any means! I need to be smart about this situation. Thank you all so much for your concern. I was afraid I was over-reacting.

LexieCat

Maybe I'm missing something, but what did he do, exactly, on this occasion other than be intoxicated while caring for the dogs? I understand you're concerned about his ability to care for them while he's drinking, and I understand that in the past he sent you some alarming messages when you were away and couldn't do anything about it. It doesn't sound like that happened here.

Look, as long as he has the dogs, and is still drinking, this will be an issue. Nobody is going to do anything about it unless he abuses or seriously neglects them. I think it's problematic for YOU to be constantly monitoring his sobriety/drinking, or to be running out on emergencies every time he drinks. You might as well be living together. I'd suggest you either find a new home for the dogs, take them yourself, or let him deal with the dogs. I know you love them, but having responsibility for dogs isn't the same as having responsibility for kids while drinking. It requires less vigilance, for one thing--the dogs aren't likely to get themselves into trouble for lack of constant supervision.

I don't mean to sound like the dogs don't matter--they do. But it seems that your options are somewhat limited.

TimeForMe

Lexie - That's the problem...I don't want to feel like I'm running over there every time there is an "emergency". Your message is exactly what I was wrestling over. I get it. I've got some serious thinking to do about this situation. Thanks for that viewpoint.