Expanding

I am having physical symptoms of stress that I haven’t had in a long time. I would like to blame it on the sandwich I had for lunch but I don’t think that’s the case. With the closing just hours away and things still needing to be done I am really feeling the crunch. I am so tired. This morning on my way in to work I realized that I left my wallet back at the house and traffic was pretty bad. I had to log into accounts to close them and all the usernames and passwords were variations of our names and/or our anniversary. I feel like I am really falling behind lately and being tested… like I am lacking an energy that most seem to have and that I missing something everyone else is in on.

Seeing the house almost completely empty is so, so hard. The place feels dark and lifeless inside… it’s such a stark contrast from how it felt when we first moved in. It hurts so bad, it is like pouring salt in the wound every time and it gets worse as the house gets emptier. I understand the point of moving out is to not leave a trace but to see the house as though we never existed is tough. Maybe we never did exist in the way I thought but seeing it is really sad, and me being so tired just makes me feel more sad. The tears wouldn’t stop streaming… I really couldn’t stop them.

This is not how us moving was supposed to feel, so painful. It was supposed to be because we made enough money to get our single family house… this was supposed to be an exciting time instead my stomach has me doubled over sometimes because I am feeling so stressed.

I think for the first time in a long time we are in agreement that this sucks but that it’s the right thing, although our versions of why this needs to happen probably vary a lot. It’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that we are living in the same world but couldn’t see things more differently.

LexieCat

This is PROBABLY the hardest part--I have a feeling once this is behind you, things will start looking up. Hang in there--you'll get through it.

There ARE things to be grateful for, even if you can't feel them now. You are able to sell your house without a struggle or a huge battle (not true for many people here). It doesn't lessen the pain you DO feel now, but it could be so, so much worse, believe me.

You're almost there. Life will go on, and you'll find things to be happy about again. If I were there, I'd give you a big hug. You can do this.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

honeypig

This song's for you, Expanding. Maybe you're young enough not to remember it, but I hope you like it anyway.

Dang it, the "embed video" thing is not working again...

Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DHRGrIqmb0

firebolt

Yeah, this chapter has to close for you to heal from it. Endings are so hard, even if they are for the best. (((HUGS)))

AnvilheadII

i remember one time my 2nd ex and I were driving back from Mt Rainier, on some road i don't think i could even FIND again, and we drove by this house and i yelled STOP THE CAR. he did. i then said BACK UP.

this house.....OMG.....i was my true DREAM home....not the one i tried to sketch out on a cocktail napkin, but a house i knew instinctively, from my subconscious. it sat back off the road, farm house style structure with a full wrap around porch. i could barely breathe. i wanted to go knock on the door and move in.

i never had a house that was even close to THAT house. my DREAM house. but i have owned 3 different houses now.....each unique in it's own way, each with it's own memories, good and bad, each resting places for my journey.

this is not the last place you will ever live. the house doesn't retain the rights to your dreams or your future. it is a place where travelers rest for a time............