Lightning Bug

There are many positive things to getting sober that we just don't think about. We think about what better people we will be, how much our relationships will improve, how our jobs will get better. But we don't think of the many other benefits we will receive. For instance, if we were suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse we would have a better chance to stay alive and protect ourselves if we were sober in an overrun world. It would be hard to run from a hoard of zombies stumbling drunk or struggling from being hungover. We would immediately get bit on the butt and then end up biting all of our friends. Is that any way to live?

And what about when the doorbell rings and there is a giant check with your name on it from the Publisher's Clearing House on the other side of your door? If you answered it in a haze of alcohol fumes you might think it is your buddy playing a joke on you and curse him out for getting you up off your recliner. If you slam the door then you just sent away a million dollars and your chance to build a fully stocked and fortified mansion to live safely in when the world ends.

And how many times have we lost out on our perfect match on eHarmony.com because we answered the survey questions while egomanically high? Just because the booze made us feel like a rock star oozing sex appeal doesn't mean we will show up that way on a date. And the photoshopped selfie with our rock hard abs isn't fooling anyone. We will end up with our date speed dialing for an Uber and then eHarmony for an immediate refund. Then we have to start over looking for someone to watch our six when the undead come calling.

Simply put, we must be clean and sober in order to survive living in a post apocalyptic world where just outside the gates of our formidable mansion lay a hoard of hungry beasts who want to eat us and gnaw on our scientifically chosen mate.

Aren't you glad you stopped using?

Lightning Bug

I mostly blog about serious topics relating to recovery, but I have a silly side that needs to come out once in a while. This blog from this morning is just meant just for a smile. No offense intended to those looking for one of my thought provoking blogs. I'll get back to that tomorrow.

Zanna

On a completely vain level, I'm just happy that my hair is shiny again and I look ten years younger. Drinking apparently, also makes your hair fall out!

maloneshawn32

That was great. Thanks for giving me the laugh I needed.

Lightning Bug

It's true! It wreaks havoc on your hair, nails and skin. I bought so much Preparation H (supermodel secret for treating bags under the eyes) that I am sure I became the butt of the joke at Walgreens.

Lightning Bug

I love giving a hoot to others (I can be a class clown at work). I believe humor helps promote healing. Glad you smiled.

EndGameNYC

Yes, I've actually gotten taller by two inches since I got sober, and my vocabulary is mostly clear of words that never existed. I do, however, find myself craving poor decisions without suffering the consequences from time to time. Oh, and I met a woman at a beach party over the weekend and, for whatever reason, I forgot to ask her to move in with me.

Lightning Bug

You didn't marry her did you EG? Studies show that impulsive matrimony leads straight to the bohemian lifestyle. Did you tell her it is ok that you move to the beach and become a hobo? I don't think bohemians are allowed the Internet. We may never see you sun shining face again!

Lightning Bug

OK I am off to go work for the man. Have a great day!

EndGameNYC

No, we were both in a hurry so we went straight to divorce. Time is precious.

Lightning Bug

Dude I hope you let her keep the dog. It has fleas and smells like Ben Gay.