I think my GF uses Crystal.. please advise!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
I think my GF uses Crystal.. please advise!
I have been living with her for 6 months, I found a meth pipe in her purse - twice - and both times she came up with excuses for that... not mine... my friend's, blah, blah, blah... I have found little ziploc bags around a couple of times, she accepted she used "Speed" long time ago and the bags may be from that "long time ago"... yesterday... I found a little bag with Crystal Meth (no doubt about it) and an empty one next to it in her bag... I left them there and mentioned nothing...
When I found the crack pipes she got EXTREMELY offended that I didn't trust her and why I checked her bag (I know it was wrong but I had my doubts which seemed to be correct).
Now with having found a bag with actual drug in it... I am not sure how to approach this as I really want to help her and I would be ready to help her but she has to accept her addiction... there are too many "coincidences" to even believe she is not using it... and yes, she has many of the symptoms of meth users.
I am extremely unsure when she uses it or even how to recognize when she is on a high or a low... any help and advise would be welcome.
PS. She is adamant she "doesn't" use drugs and is offended at the mention of me even hinting it...
When I found the crack pipes she got EXTREMELY offended that I didn't trust her and why I checked her bag (I know it was wrong but I had my doubts which seemed to be correct).
Now with having found a bag with actual drug in it... I am not sure how to approach this as I really want to help her and I would be ready to help her but she has to accept her addiction... there are too many "coincidences" to even believe she is not using it... and yes, she has many of the symptoms of meth users.
I am extremely unsure when she uses it or even how to recognize when she is on a high or a low... any help and advise would be welcome.
PS. She is adamant she "doesn't" use drugs and is offended at the mention of me even hinting it...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Marbles, sorry for your circumstance but glad you joined us.
Take a good read around and you will see that what she is doing is what addicts do when they don`t want to admit to drug use. "It's not mine", "that's old and I must have missed it when I threw out all my drug stuff", "I don't know how it got there, it's not mine" "Honest to God...."
The thing is, you know what you know, she is an active addict and probably not likely to change any time soon...although she may promise she will.
It's very hard to face that someone we love is addicted to drugs, it's even harder watching them self-destruct but sadly, addiction is a progressive disease and often gets worse before it gets better.
If you choose to stay in this relationship, please hide your valuables and protect your bank cards and money. Stealing is another sad trait that comes with all this.
It may be a good time to think about putting some space between you, having a front row seat to addiction is never pleasant and can bring you down with her.
Nothing you do or don't do, nothing you say or don't say, will change her or save her or make her see the light. That takes time and is something she will need to do for herself when things get bad enough that she reaches out to the people who can really help her...detox, rehab, meetings, counseling.
I wish I could promise you your "happy ever after" but knowing what you are facing may at least help you realize that this is her problem and there is nothing wrong with you or your judgement.
Hugs
Take a good read around and you will see that what she is doing is what addicts do when they don`t want to admit to drug use. "It's not mine", "that's old and I must have missed it when I threw out all my drug stuff", "I don't know how it got there, it's not mine" "Honest to God...."
The thing is, you know what you know, she is an active addict and probably not likely to change any time soon...although she may promise she will.
It's very hard to face that someone we love is addicted to drugs, it's even harder watching them self-destruct but sadly, addiction is a progressive disease and often gets worse before it gets better.
If you choose to stay in this relationship, please hide your valuables and protect your bank cards and money. Stealing is another sad trait that comes with all this.
It may be a good time to think about putting some space between you, having a front row seat to addiction is never pleasant and can bring you down with her.
Nothing you do or don't do, nothing you say or don't say, will change her or save her or make her see the light. That takes time and is something she will need to do for herself when things get bad enough that she reaches out to the people who can really help her...detox, rehab, meetings, counseling.
I wish I could promise you your "happy ever after" but knowing what you are facing may at least help you realize that this is her problem and there is nothing wrong with you or your judgement.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
I think you already know if she's using or not, but if you want specific signs you could always google it. One major sign is they're suddenly sleeping all day (from staying up all night and possibly the night before too lol). Another is they see and hear things that aren't there - my "brother" seen a black shadow with red eyes in the middle of the night, and my sister told me she could hear people whispering and seen things in the corner of her eye.
I think you already know she is using (despite her objections lol) so the next question is, what do you need to do that is best for you? You can be of support to her, but you can't actually help her - she needs to do this on her own. She might try to convince you that she needs your help once she admits to her using, but ultimately the only way recovery works is when an addict is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Pain is often a motivating factor which IMO is why addiction gets worse before it gets better.
Meth wasn't my DOC, but watching my AS, I've noticed that it brings a really rough bottom FAST. Good luck.
I think you already know she is using (despite her objections lol) so the next question is, what do you need to do that is best for you? You can be of support to her, but you can't actually help her - she needs to do this on her own. She might try to convince you that she needs your help once she admits to her using, but ultimately the only way recovery works is when an addict is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Pain is often a motivating factor which IMO is why addiction gets worse before it gets better.
Meth wasn't my DOC, but watching my AS, I've noticed that it brings a really rough bottom FAST. Good luck.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
marbles...
Welcome to the Board. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
Which makes me wonder why she's carrying a meth pipe around for her "friend". The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Ordinarily with newcomers, I'm not as blunt as I'm about to be with you. But having seen this particular movie a bunch of times, I'm going to give myself permission to tell you what I really think.
The probability that she's lying to you is pretty high. Assuming this is true, things will deteriorate with her significantly in the weeks and months to come. This will ultimately force you to make a decision you don't want to make, which is to dump her arse and run the other way.
So the only question you have to answer is simple: why wait?
Welcome to the Board. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?
She is adamant she "doesn't" use drugs and is offended at the mention of me even hinting it...
Ordinarily with newcomers, I'm not as blunt as I'm about to be with you. But having seen this particular movie a bunch of times, I'm going to give myself permission to tell you what I really think.
The probability that she's lying to you is pretty high. Assuming this is true, things will deteriorate with her significantly in the weeks and months to come. This will ultimately force you to make a decision you don't want to make, which is to dump her arse and run the other way.
So the only question you have to answer is simple: why wait?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I agree with the other posters that you really don't need any more signs. She's using. However, my experience with meth has been much different than what we're often told. I was with my ex-boyfriend for a full year before finding out he'd been using the entire time. This was back in my party days, so maybe if we weren't always drinking together I would have noticed something was up. But he ate and slept normally. He smoked crystal meth. My mother-in-law is said to have been using for years and there was a big hoopla when someone found meth in her purse recently. (Of course, it wasn't hers...) Anyway, she had a big problem with it when my AH was young, but seems to have gotten to the point where she can function with it. Once when drunk, my AH let it slip that she drinks it (imagine that!) and that this offers a more steady, less obvious high. My AH also tested positive for meth on a home drug test, and that explained a lot of his behavior (though, of course, the test had to have been defective!) He also slept and ate normally, but he was constantly destroying things by trying to "improve" them. It was like meth made him the worst handyman imaginable- take something apart, get bored, take something else apart, "Hey- there could be a bookshelf there!"- knock down a wall, and on and on.
I don't know where I'm going with this, other than meth sucks. You don't want to wait for her to reach bottom because it's going to be ugly and it might just be a very long, miserable journey.
Best wishes.
I don't know where I'm going with this, other than meth sucks. You don't want to wait for her to reach bottom because it's going to be ugly and it might just be a very long, miserable journey.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
What I've learned to look for when my stepson (ss) is using meth...
Dilated pupils, talks a lot but doesn't make sense, agitated, wont sleep for days, will sleep for 16 - 20 hours during a "nap". Constantly searching (for more meth) The people he associates with and brings around....
Physically it takes an awful toll, his skin is kind of grey, he's lost an incredible amount of weight, he looks gaunt and sickly.
If he hasn't used in over two weeks (been a long time for that) you can see a massive difference, clearer, cleaner, more there.
From what I've read, some people are able to maintain and be functional using meth. My ss is not, he became totally non-functional-able in less than 2 years. Probably less than 6 months of hard use. Trouble with law, cant hold a job, cant maintain a car, no longer cares for or supports his son (was his life), lies, steals, homeless, etc.
Sorry that you find yourself here. But, it's a good place to be, if you have to. Good luck with it. Meth really really sucks.
I know you said you've been living together for 6 months, I guess my question is how long have you known her? I have the benefit of seeing changes in my ss cause I knew him long before he started using. If she was using before you met her, it would be harder to know I guess.
Dilated pupils, talks a lot but doesn't make sense, agitated, wont sleep for days, will sleep for 16 - 20 hours during a "nap". Constantly searching (for more meth) The people he associates with and brings around....
Physically it takes an awful toll, his skin is kind of grey, he's lost an incredible amount of weight, he looks gaunt and sickly.
If he hasn't used in over two weeks (been a long time for that) you can see a massive difference, clearer, cleaner, more there.
From what I've read, some people are able to maintain and be functional using meth. My ss is not, he became totally non-functional-able in less than 2 years. Probably less than 6 months of hard use. Trouble with law, cant hold a job, cant maintain a car, no longer cares for or supports his son (was his life), lies, steals, homeless, etc.
Sorry that you find yourself here. But, it's a good place to be, if you have to. Good luck with it. Meth really really sucks.
I know you said you've been living together for 6 months, I guess my question is how long have you known her? I have the benefit of seeing changes in my ss cause I knew him long before he started using. If she was using before you met her, it would be harder to know I guess.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
Hi everyone,
I appreciate your advise and I am pretty sure she is taking them no matter how much she denies it... the problem is that I don't know or can't tell when she is on a high... or where she does it... if someone takes it; how quick or how long would it take? 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc... after taking it, is it pretty obvious?
The reason I am asking is because she may take it in the morning after I leave to work - I leave first - or right before I come back from work as I arrive generally before but sometimes she does.
If she feels she needs to take the drug, how long do I have to be away for her to do it? and if she does, what are the immediate signs I need to look for? What does it smell like?
I appreciate your advise and I am pretty sure she is taking them no matter how much she denies it... the problem is that I don't know or can't tell when she is on a high... or where she does it... if someone takes it; how quick or how long would it take? 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc... after taking it, is it pretty obvious?
The reason I am asking is because she may take it in the morning after I leave to work - I leave first - or right before I come back from work as I arrive generally before but sometimes she does.
If she feels she needs to take the drug, how long do I have to be away for her to do it? and if she does, what are the immediate signs I need to look for? What does it smell like?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
Thanks for your advise... I knew her for another 6 months and I must say, she has a great heart and I never knew she was on any drug however she was always very active and when we moved in together, she is very very focused in keeping the house tidy and loves physical work... I am happy she loves cleaning! LOL
Something I find very odd is the quantity of creams, skin-care and dental-care products she has; had never seen it but (naive me) it now seems pretty obvious... I guess I never put 2 and 2 together from that angle.
Something I find very odd is the quantity of creams, skin-care and dental-care products she has; had never seen it but (naive me) it now seems pretty obvious... I guess I never put 2 and 2 together from that angle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
I think my ss mostly smokes it. He has a wracking horrible cough from doing it that way. So, in his case, its a pretty quick thing. Takes only a couple minutes for him to smoke up. Once he does, I don't know for sure how long his high lasts, but its hours, its not like in half an hour he is coming down looking for more and to hit it again.
He was doing it for a long while before I got that it was meth, and although the signs were the same all along I just didn't recognize it, until it was too blatant to miss. After living this nightmare for a couple years, I can now tell just by looking at him, although I can't really tell you how I know. It has to do with his eyes, and skin color more than anything I think (physically) I can also recognize the behavior now, much in the same way that it is easy to see when someone is drunk. (Different behaviors, but equally blatant) Again, I had the benefit of knowing him before he started using, so the differences there are astronomical.
He was doing it for a long while before I got that it was meth, and although the signs were the same all along I just didn't recognize it, until it was too blatant to miss. After living this nightmare for a couple years, I can now tell just by looking at him, although I can't really tell you how I know. It has to do with his eyes, and skin color more than anything I think (physically) I can also recognize the behavior now, much in the same way that it is easy to see when someone is drunk. (Different behaviors, but equally blatant) Again, I had the benefit of knowing him before he started using, so the differences there are astronomical.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
Originally Posted by marbles71 
she has a great heart
If you have not already take some time and read some of the posts on here about the hell addicts have had on their loved ones lives. Try to be honest and open minded when you read them because more than likely that is what you are in for. Ask yourself if that is the life you really want. Don't convince yourself that either you or her are special because you are not. Addiction levels the playing field and your future will be in these stories.
I wish both of you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
I agree with all the comments and I understand (or trying to) that there is pretty much no sunshine in the horizon for me... however should I just walk away? should I just say "I believe you are taking ice and I am leaving"? - after all, she has not "accepted it" yet... will she ever?
I may be naive but I can't abandon someone going through this, should I?
I may be naive but I can't abandon someone going through this, should I?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
Hi all,
I appreciate your words and I am already thinking long and hard... very hard... I do feel addicts are very good manipulators and know well "how to get out of these things".
I know there's a lot of evidence to 'prove' there's something really wrong going on and - being a good and kind person as I am - it feels wrong to make a decision without a (so to speak) smoking gun...
I still don't know where she does it or exactly when, which is what makes me hesitate.
I hope I am not "falling for it" as the comments above are overwhelming
I appreciate your words and I am already thinking long and hard... very hard... I do feel addicts are very good manipulators and know well "how to get out of these things".
I know there's a lot of evidence to 'prove' there's something really wrong going on and - being a good and kind person as I am - it feels wrong to make a decision without a (so to speak) smoking gun...
I still don't know where she does it or exactly when, which is what makes me hesitate.
I hope I am not "falling for it" as the comments above are overwhelming
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Sydney
Posts: 13
We just broke up for "different reasons" however it is being difficult for me as I do have feelings for her and (rightly or wrongly) I thought I could help her; even today she never accepted she is using it.
I feel my heart is aching and my head is thanking it but such is life I guess.
I appreciate all your help and comments...
I feel my heart is aching and my head is thanking it but such is life I guess.
I appreciate all your help and comments...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
