vbella

I have been with a functional alcoholic for 4 years next week, we have only been married a short few months. I am at a loss of what to do anymore. He drinks a pint of brandy a day and his extremely violent when he does drink. He loses control. He claims he "knows he has to stop and he promises" he will do so. But that promise is never fulfilled. He always breaks his promises. He goes to work everyday although he has missed a total of two weeks this year due to his drinking. I do not enable him when it comes to drinking. I do not ask him to go to the liquor store, i do not drink with him, i do not go to the store for him. He just goes when he is on his way home and he will kill the pint within one hour! his life consists if work, home drink for an hour and then passes out. There is no relationship. I feel like i may have gotten married for the wrong reasons and it is killing me now. I just dont know what to do. He claims that he will stop but yet never takes the initiative to do so. He thinks he can drink socially and he doesn't have a problem. The truth is nothing helps or does it change. There are times he will go 15 days max without drinking but he hasnt done that in a while and he was diagnosed with afib in November he has had three other episodes and still nothing. Doctors have told him he needs to stop drinking and yet he continues to do so. I just dont know what to do anymore. My life sucks. We dont have a marriage we just live together and on top of it he spends roughly $350 a month n alcohol plus he smokes so the money issues is really driving me crazy too. We are supposed to be moving and he refuses to help me pack our house. Claims that he works and he doesn't have the time. Mean while i work full time, i am going to school full time and i have a 12 year old (not his) that i am constantly running around. So why am i the only one who has to go through this? Am i the only out there that is living through this?

REsoberALITY

Hello and Welcome. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. If you scroll down through the forums, there is a "friends and family of alcoholics" forum that you should be able to find some very good support in.

Best wishes tonight.

Mattq2

Sorry your having such a tough time vbella. You are not the only one to live through such things. Just ask my wife. I was, lets just say not the best to live with as a practicing alcoholic. The only thing that brought positive change was I had to guit drinking completely. I will say that it was a decision I had to make and follow through with. I had to do it for me to make it work. There is a forumn for families here that may help. I hope he finds a path to sobriety and I hope you find happiness.

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you're seeking support for your situation.

Please do not stay in a situation that is extremely violent. Seek support for yourself and your child. There is help available:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Abuse Defined

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support (US)

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Canada: Home « HotPeachPages International
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International
UK: call Women’s Aid*at 0808 2000 247.
Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers

least

If he becomes violent when drinking, you have the choice to leave him and be safe. Please take care of yourself and your child. You don't have to be doing all the work while all he does is drink. You deserve a better life.

LexieCat

Please call those resources Anna listed. The advocates there will help you think through your situation and give you a lot of support and offer solutions for you to be safe. I've worked professionally in the DV field for a very long time, and the alcoholism and abuse are two SEPARATE issues. It isn't just that he drinks too much (though the drinking may make the situation worse). Being constantly exposed to violence--or just drunken behavior--is TERRIBLE for your child.

Please make the call. Nobody will make you do anything you aren't ready to do, but it's a first step.

Hugs, stay safe,