Mick75

Hi all,
This long weekend, here in USA, was not good for me, my brother called to say he was worried about because of our conservation on Monday. I don't recall talking to him at all, I can remember seeing him, I was grilling steaks, he came by but I don't recall anyting else. My wife said I didn't even seem drunk, no slurry speech, no staggering, what the hell was that?
I do recall being at liquor store and chugging part of a pint of Jim Beam, then telling myself ok just go home, and cook, the bottle was empty today. I just woke up a few hours ago, abd called my sponsor, we are going to get some food, gatoraid, and a meeting.
I just don't know what happened. Srarting sober again today, is all I can do. Really don't want to go through withdrawal again, but I F&$ked up and I have to get my sober back .
My wife, told me and I quote "I love you, stupid! Get sober and love me back."
My sponsor is here we are going to meeting, maybe more than one.

FreeOwl

I know what happened; you didn't take enough action, with enough conviction, with enough determination and gusto to EMBRACE SOBRIETY - and instead, chose to drink.

And BAM. That's all it takes.

Your wife sounds like a gem. You're blessed to have her. Her advice is very good advice.

GET BUSY LIVING!!!!

doggonecarl

I don't know what happened between your post about jumping off the wagon and your subsequent drinking episode, but a relapse doesn't have to lead to a full-blown return to drinking...IF YOU DON'T LET IT.

The drinking may seem unconscious, but a lot of steps have to occur before the bottle touches the lips. Lots of points where you can stop before the obsession that follows the first drink. SR is always here. Post first.

Anna

I found that I was blacking out toward the end of my drinking days and that it was unpredictable and happened more frequently with less alcohol. Carl is right about the 'unconscious' aspect of drinking. Things are happening in your mind long before you take the first drink. Being aware of what you are feeling can really help you stop before you start.

Mick75

Freeowl,
Wow you cut right to my heart, your advice was simple and correct, nothing happened, I started it I knew who to call what to do and pissed it away! And put that poison in my mouth, ya know who's fault that is, yep me, my fault, I had the tool, the love, everything and I made the wrong choice.
I thank you, for being truthful to me, and that gives me strength to keep going.
My sponsor is telling me very similar things, and I love him for it, again thank you for having a zero BS filter. It is me has been me and always will be me. I love my wife and my kids, but chose to get drunk. Thank you, meeting is about to start, gotta finish this post and this dip and get in there.

Soberwolf

Great time for a plan to help you Mick

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

JGK

Hi Mick,

I know exactly where you are. I have to reset my day counter to 1 again this morning. Think the important thing is to keep on trying. Well, that is what I tell myself.

So good luck and I hope this was your last relapse.

Dee74

Some great advice here Mick - you can put the brakes on, whenever you like
Make it now?
D

Mick75

I made it through yesterday sober, and I'm ready for another sober day. Thanks all

Gottalife

You "made the wrong choice". Did you? I agree it was an insane choice, so was it really a choice? It wasn't a choice a sane person would have made. Could you have made a different choice? Where was all the memory of the last drama? Why didn't the thought come to call your sponsor, with enough conviction for you to actually do it?

This is all covered in the big book, being summed up by the sentance "at certain times the alcoholic has no effective mental defence against the first drink. Such a defence must come from a higher power." or words to that effect.

Meetings won't cut it. To get sober I had to join in the action, take the steps, and from there live in the solution. It was strange how much more attractive AA became when I had the solution in common with other members. It beats the hell out of talking about the problem all day long.

advbike

Man, you got the best advice here, from those who know. Just take action. Carl is right, you know long before the drink touches your lips. Your mind has rationalized it.. don't let that happen. Make up your mind that when the thought first occurs, which it will, that you will just say no. Just don't drink today. And you might want to avoid backyard parties for a couple months? I see no commitment there.. don't worry, with time it will get easier.

Soberwolf

Good job Mick

Mick75

Hi all,
Wanted to uodate, a week ago today I got drunk, I stayed sober all week and I'm watching the Cowboys game and I'm still sober. My wife loves her "stupid" man and as I'm clearing my plate of super hot wings and watching football (American football) I'm still sober, not a drop and I feel good and a lot proud, I've not posted all week but I've read posts a lot and thanks guys, now if only these dang Cowboys would end this game :-)
Mick

Dee74

are you working to any kind of plan Mick?

D

Mick75

Hi Dee, yes I'm working with my sponsor in AA, I'm also working with a professional alcohol counseling, talk therapy one on one, and I'm working on nutritional suport with my doctor, my diet is bad, so I'm learing to be sober and eat better. About ready to start another 24 hours sober. If I can stay awake insomnia is still bugging me.

Soberwolf

Sounds good Mick

PurpleKnight

You can do this Mick!!

Mick75

Thanks all my day is about over and I'm so tired, but sleep isn't gonna come. In years past I would drive to liquor store and get a bottle of Beam and a couple of beer, ya know how it goes drink myself intova stupor and go asleep. Lately I've discovered how much I miss reading, so I'm sitting here with my book and after this post I will loose myself in the words, instead of loosing myself in the bottle. I figure being tired and a little worn out is better than the way I once was.
I still have the urge to drink, but I know, I can't cut down, or wait for a weekend to drink, I can only not drink and I'm taking it 24 hours at a time. I found a good Zombie apocalypse book and I I'll spend the night reading it, if sleep comes, great if not well tomorrow I'll be honest tired but not, drunk dumba#& tired, and that means a lot to me. I know as I string sober days together things will improve, but tonight it is me and a Zombie book against the bottle, and already I know who's gonna win! :-) Good night all.
Mick

Dee74

I think a little insomnia is just part of withdrawal, but these tips are good:

10 tips to beat insomnia - Live Well - NHS Choices

Insomnia Tips - How to Get Better Sleep

Delilah1

Great job staying sober this week Mick. Cowboys game was tough to watch if gig are a fan. I am a Redskins fan, and watching the game tonight was painful!

Glad you are back and sober!