Well I can add anger issues to my list of things to work on in therapy.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
Well I can add anger issues to my list of things to work on in therapy.
So my husband has been sober for a week. He has an appointment with a substance abuse counselor next monday...IDK if he'll keep it and I'm not optimistic. He's been going to the gym 2-3 times a day. I think he's going every time he's tempted to go to the liquor store? I'm totally okay with him replacing the drinking with exercise.
I went to work late this morning because I texted my therapist and asked how soon I could see her. She saw me first thing this morning.
I have a lot of anger-A LOT. I need it to go somewhere. She suggested I get back into kickboxing.
Since he's been "checked out" I am responsible for everything. EVERYTHING. I have let laundry get a little behind and really that means that I haven't washed clothes in a week and the clothes I have washed(probably the week before) are folded but still sitting on the table.
I'm also going through all the closets and what not donating/disposing of a lot of stuff. Moving across the country sucks and I'm not bringing anything we don't need or use. So there's a lot of bins where I'm sorting and boxes for the things that need to be packed.
He said to me last night "wow I feel like I live in a hoarder house, with stuff everywhere"
I have no idea how I didn't turn around and punch him in the throat. I'm glad my back was to him so I had a moment to compose myself before I responded. Instead of blowing up I just told him he was welcome to assist by bringing the boxes out to the garage and putting them on the left side as that is all the stuff that's going with us. AND I would appreciate if he would go through his clothes and decide what he'd like to donate so I can bring them to the VA. He said he would.
I am not this person...how did I get here? I'm not prone to anger. But I want to shake him, scream at him, something. I mean I knew that just him stopping drinking (and I know it's only been a week) would not solve all our issues and everything would be happy. I'm not an idiot. I knew it wouldn't fix everything but I didn't expect to be so conflicted. I'm glad he hasn't been drinking. He's been his normal charming self and I love that. UGH I do not like feeling this way....
I went to work late this morning because I texted my therapist and asked how soon I could see her. She saw me first thing this morning.
I have a lot of anger-A LOT. I need it to go somewhere. She suggested I get back into kickboxing.
Since he's been "checked out" I am responsible for everything. EVERYTHING. I have let laundry get a little behind and really that means that I haven't washed clothes in a week and the clothes I have washed(probably the week before) are folded but still sitting on the table.
I'm also going through all the closets and what not donating/disposing of a lot of stuff. Moving across the country sucks and I'm not bringing anything we don't need or use. So there's a lot of bins where I'm sorting and boxes for the things that need to be packed.
He said to me last night "wow I feel like I live in a hoarder house, with stuff everywhere"
I have no idea how I didn't turn around and punch him in the throat. I'm glad my back was to him so I had a moment to compose myself before I responded. Instead of blowing up I just told him he was welcome to assist by bringing the boxes out to the garage and putting them on the left side as that is all the stuff that's going with us. AND I would appreciate if he would go through his clothes and decide what he'd like to donate so I can bring them to the VA. He said he would.
I am not this person...how did I get here? I'm not prone to anger. But I want to shake him, scream at him, something. I mean I knew that just him stopping drinking (and I know it's only been a week) would not solve all our issues and everything would be happy. I'm not an idiot. I knew it wouldn't fix everything but I didn't expect to be so conflicted. I'm glad he hasn't been drinking. He's been his normal charming self and I love that. UGH I do not like feeling this way....
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
I'm not prone to anger either, but I did have it myself and I had to work through it.
We're human, and I think it's healthy that you acknowledge your anger and want to work through it in a constructive way. It's good you put a call into your therapist. Kickboxing? Excellent plan.
Well, don't stifle the anger. Embrace it, work through it and then let it go. Most of us here have had our fair share of anger to work through so you're not alone.
We're human, and I think it's healthy that you acknowledge your anger and want to work through it in a constructive way. It's good you put a call into your therapist. Kickboxing? Excellent plan.
Well, don't stifle the anger. Embrace it, work through it and then let it go. Most of us here have had our fair share of anger to work through so you're not alone.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
I used to be heavy into kick boxing and MMA and IDK why I stopped going. I'm so out of shape right now it's pathetic, I've been doing crossfit, but maybe going back to what I know would be better for me. Beating on stuff helps. I'm going to drop in at a gym after work today.
I usually let stuff go so I don't know why it bothers me so much. I'm one of those people where I have my moment, crying/tantrum/whatever and then I'm over it. Maybe it's because I've been living this way for so long, feeling like I can't say anything lest I upset the A that now that I'm not worried about a blow up.
I usually let stuff go so I don't know why it bothers me so much. I'm one of those people where I have my moment, crying/tantrum/whatever and then I'm over it. Maybe it's because I've been living this way for so long, feeling like I can't say anything lest I upset the A that now that I'm not worried about a blow up.
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I am also not prone to anger.
I am just coming out of being REALLY angry for a really long time.
It felt terrifying when I was first in it because I had never let myself experience it before.......but now on the other side it is one of the best things that I have ever let myself have and experience.
Exercise of any form helped me. My only "advice," is to not try to get rid of it but to hang on and ride it out. There was deep learning in it for me.
I am just coming out of being REALLY angry for a really long time.
It felt terrifying when I was first in it because I had never let myself experience it before.......but now on the other side it is one of the best things that I have ever let myself have and experience.
Exercise of any form helped me. My only "advice," is to not try to get rid of it but to hang on and ride it out. There was deep learning in it for me.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
I am experiencing a bunch of emotions, anger, resentment, fear, anxiety. I never used to feel like this either. I am leaving my A. I have left him before and nothing changed. I sometimes feel sorry for him which rounds me back to the anger and resentment. I feel an anxiety to cry and let it all out, but I am holding that back until I am in the clear and have moved on completely.
Living with an A is a true nightmare. It has turned me into a shell of the person I once knew. I am getting reacquainted with myself, but it sure is a process.
Living with an A is a true nightmare. It has turned me into a shell of the person I once knew. I am getting reacquainted with myself, but it sure is a process.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
Exercise is always a great release. I remember when my ex left me i would go to the gym and walk on the treadmill in the very back corner of the gym and walk and cry. within 10 minutes i was running and the endorphins were kicking in and i started to feel so much better and left in a much better mood. exercise is wonderful for lifting us up and giving us a little clarity. meditation in motion.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 121
I almost feel like you're in my head, or I'm in yours.
My AH is 2 weeks into his sobriety.
I've felt fire course through my veins so many times in the past 2 weeks- including today.
I knew things wouldn't be perfect like you, but I didn't expect this. This is very unfamiliar. I am very unfamiliar.
It's quite evident that damage has been done and I have lots of recovering to be had.
You're not alone.
I write a lot on here, but I scribble my feelings on paper multiple times a day as well when my feelings are getting overwhelming. It is helping me maintain my composure- that's who I used to be. Composed.
Last week I got angry at something as simple as his buddy telling him he was proud of my AH for kicking the booze. My logic- I dealt with this crap and was the glue, his solid ground, and his babysitter for two years. I've been carrying our family on my back uphill and everyone is proud of him? I went through a terrible, painful, sick pregnancy pretty much alone. And they're proud of him?
You're feeling the aftermath. All those feelings you'd sweep under the rug every time he'd apologize, every time he'd sober up, every time he was good - until his next drink.
The feelings you never dealt with, are banging on your front door.
It's a great step for both of you to channel your negative energy to something so healthy.
Everyone has highly recommended Al anon to me. I've heard it'll help you deal with those feelings. I'll let someone else recommend it as I have yet to go again and was too blind with fixing him to let it help me when I went two years ago.
Keep coming back. Keep thinking of helping yourself and recovering. ♡
My AH is 2 weeks into his sobriety.
I've felt fire course through my veins so many times in the past 2 weeks- including today.
I knew things wouldn't be perfect like you, but I didn't expect this. This is very unfamiliar. I am very unfamiliar.
It's quite evident that damage has been done and I have lots of recovering to be had.
You're not alone.
I write a lot on here, but I scribble my feelings on paper multiple times a day as well when my feelings are getting overwhelming. It is helping me maintain my composure- that's who I used to be. Composed.
Last week I got angry at something as simple as his buddy telling him he was proud of my AH for kicking the booze. My logic- I dealt with this crap and was the glue, his solid ground, and his babysitter for two years. I've been carrying our family on my back uphill and everyone is proud of him? I went through a terrible, painful, sick pregnancy pretty much alone. And they're proud of him?
You're feeling the aftermath. All those feelings you'd sweep under the rug every time he'd apologize, every time he'd sober up, every time he was good - until his next drink.
The feelings you never dealt with, are banging on your front door.
It's a great step for both of you to channel your negative energy to something so healthy.
Everyone has highly recommended Al anon to me. I've heard it'll help you deal with those feelings. I'll let someone else recommend it as I have yet to go again and was too blind with fixing him to let it help me when I went two years ago.
Keep coming back. Keep thinking of helping yourself and recovering. ♡
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