Bellamiaa

Or for me at least. I know that now. I had 10 months sobriety. I read all the stories here and still chose to be an idiot. Only on weekends turns into, oh it's Thursday, no biggie. Then back to where you were in a very short period of time.
So here I am. But I'm back. This will not be my life.

venuscat

So glad you are back Bellamiaa.

Nope, moderation is not an option for me either.
Living sober is the only way for me to be happy.
I fought myself on this for years ~ so glad we don't have to do that anymore. ♥

Delilah1

Welcome back Bella! I had to learn that lesson the hard way as well. I am just over 8 months sober and life is much better than it was 8 months ago!

Looking forward to seeing you on here again.:-)

Dee74

I don't think you're an idiot

It's something I think we all wanted at one point - a way to drink without the negative consequences, or the drink taking over our lives...

Now you know that thats not possible for sure, I hope you can move forward bellamiaa

welcome back
D

cwood3

Bellamiaa , welcome. I'm kind of simple, but I figure if I could moderate, there would never be a reason I would be seeking out this forum. I kinda figure that if a person has a look at a 'recovery' forum, the problem is self evident. YMMV

Mattq2

Bella,
The most important thing is that you are back and starting again. Although I am very new to recovery I have spent years trying to quit or moderate. You are not alone I can not moderate and realizing that has made all the diffrence. It takes determination but many here have been sober for a long time. You can do this my freind.

Berrybean

So glad you made it back. I too sought for the fools gold of moderated drinking (as an alcoholic ). So many people in the UK are signing up for ' Sober October 'at the moment. I did months like that, and took the fact that I managed to do these months (Well, I managed the whole month once, and quite a bit of the other months. The failed months I just said I'd pay the sponsor money myself, then 'forgot' to because I'd spent it all on booze). Then the messing about with what kind of drink, or where, or when , or who with, or how much money I'd take out, etc. Of course, the first drink was always the one that caused me the problems. And feeding my AV by drinking (even if only at the weekend) would mean it would be extra loud and extra vile the rest of thee time.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It was just part of your journey to sobriety.

Ooona

I agree with you and everyone else about trying moderation tactics and failing miserably.

Once I was able to get my head around the fact that I was never going to be able to be that kind of drinker, it was almost a relief. May sound weird but coming to terms with that fact gave me sort of a surrender, a freedom and a knowing what I had to do to save my life and my sanity. No more fighting and struggling. No more wasting my emotional spiritual and physical energy trying to go after something that was never going to be.

Im so happy you are here! Keep posting with us. Let us help you.

LadyBlue0527

This thread deserves a bump. I'm glad you're back.

I too started drinking again after I had 17 months of greatness. Thought that if I could go that long without it then I must really not have that bad of a problem. Love this from Berrybean:

How true this is. The peace I had brought into my life was gone. From that first drink it was quickly replaced by the restart of that grinding wheel. The consistent thought of when I would be drinking next. No way to live. Not to mention that you truly are just waiting for whatever it is that's going to happen that will lead you to quit again.

As much as we can be in denial I think we all know that eventually what we're doing will lead us back, or, to something we don't even want to think about.....death. I get upset that I started drinking again but I also know that it was 17 months of learning. I fully credit my relapse with not staying completely mindful of what alcohol does to me. That and walking away, bit by bit, from every single sobriety tool that I had built. That will never happen again.

Bellamiaa, that 10 months was a learning experience for you. What is it that you're going to do to make sure that it doesn't happen again?

cwood3

Seems that in the case of 'moderation', it all leads back to one basic concept.......

Being HONEST with oneself. Being honest with your self is very very hard. We can beat our self up over issues without being honest. Facing facts is tough. That's why AA has a Step One. That step requires being honest with oneself.......first and foremost.

neferkamichael

Bellamiaa, you had 10 months so you know you can do it, rootin for ya.

Tonymblue

I think we've all tried moderation at one point or another. Maybe it's a part of recovery. Who knows. It's never worked for me. What's the saying "complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation".

August252015

This does not sound "weird" at all! In fact, it is the cornerstone of AA - acceptance, surrender, spiritual fitness, then service to others (a short summary of the 12 steps there).

I have had the exact same experience as this, and I will never go back. There is not one single thing that was better when I was drinking- and I am one of those people who can say that the promises of AA are indeed coming true in my life. There is indeed a true freedom when you quit drinking, if you are an alcoholic.

Glad you are back! What is your plan for staying sober and living a life of recovery? You can do it.

Verdantia

Moderation absolutely does not work for me. When it comes to drinking I do not have an 'off' switch. I am so glad you are back.

Bellamiaa

Thanks everyone. I'm back but not. Working on it xo

kinzoku

Welcome back. The reminder is valuable to me and to many I am sure.

Dee74

Have you thought about a recovery plan Bellamiaa?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

soinlove

Congratulations!... Any advice on reminding someone of this?.. (He's told me he knows this & will follow thru for months, then once again will try to have a couple which of course eventually turns into way more. At the moment he has disappeared just left a day and a half ago after I came home on lunch break to find him drunk mid-day, we talked and then I went back to work, but by the time I got home 4 hours later he'd left & I haven't heard from him or seem him -- scared & sad) I'd love for him to be ready to get back on his own path, but only when he's ready to make the choice ..

August252015

Bellamia - "back but not?" Can you elaborate? We are here to listen, help, not judge, and definitely to support.

MIRecovery

Well if you are an idiot you are a member of a very large club here on SR. I seriously doubt that there is anyone here who has not tested the moderation waters only to find out that they started drowning again.

We live, we learn, we pick ourselves up, learn from our mistakes, and rejoice in our victories. I do not believe any sober time is wasted time.

Alcoholics are a stubborn lot and most have to experience the pain first hand before we are willing to change. It is just the nature of the beast so do not beat yourself up too much.