So about 3 weeks sober. Ups and downs. Still struggle.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 157
So about 3 weeks sober. Ups and downs. Still struggle.
So today is about 3 weeks sober. Physically feeling good most of the time. Emotionally it's been a mixed bag with higher ups and lower lows than when I was drinking. That's to be expected as alcohol numbs you to all your emotions good and bad. When it's bad though I struggle and I have to say that I always feel like this is a temporary state, that I'm just going to head back to drinking again at some point, though I haven't slipped yet. I've come close a few times and choose to binge eat instead of drink feeling that I needed something of a release.
On the plus side I sleep much more peacefully now, and I'm less anxious some of the time. Though the depression and loneliness makes up for that on the negative side. I put on almost 20 lbs when drinking those months however I needed to anyway. I was too skinny at 147lbs and 6'1 tall. That being said I think I have an eating disorder as everyone tells me I look amazing now but I just want to get back to 147.
I've always been an ultra perfectionist to the point of harming myself I guess the weight thing is just part of that.
I started running again today and man I'm out of shape compared to where I was before the drinking became heavy. Months ago I was running 4km a day 5 days a week rain or shine. I just did my 4k run and it took a lot out of me, out of breath legs hurting, bronchial pain (might be exercise induced asthma?). And my time sucks ass, but I did it. Another plus is that on my holiday to the rockies I did a 38km (~23.6 miles) hike in 8 hours. Longer than I've ever done before. So despite the run really sucking I guess I'm still in not bad shape. Would like to do a hard hike tomorrow.
Still. There is this nagging feeling. A lingering sadness. Depression and fear, anxiety, disadisfaction with life that is always eating at me. I think I need to find someone, a companion, as the loneliness is one of my greatest triggers have never been in a relationship though. And I don't wish for a codependent relationship, the only model I know well from my parents.
I worry constantly that I will succumb to a death by a thousand pricks and drink again just due to emotional exhaustion.
On the plus side I sleep much more peacefully now, and I'm less anxious some of the time. Though the depression and loneliness makes up for that on the negative side. I put on almost 20 lbs when drinking those months however I needed to anyway. I was too skinny at 147lbs and 6'1 tall. That being said I think I have an eating disorder as everyone tells me I look amazing now but I just want to get back to 147.
I've always been an ultra perfectionist to the point of harming myself I guess the weight thing is just part of that.
I started running again today and man I'm out of shape compared to where I was before the drinking became heavy. Months ago I was running 4km a day 5 days a week rain or shine. I just did my 4k run and it took a lot out of me, out of breath legs hurting, bronchial pain (might be exercise induced asthma?). And my time sucks ass, but I did it. Another plus is that on my holiday to the rockies I did a 38km (~23.6 miles) hike in 8 hours. Longer than I've ever done before. So despite the run really sucking I guess I'm still in not bad shape. Would like to do a hard hike tomorrow.
Still. There is this nagging feeling. A lingering sadness. Depression and fear, anxiety, disadisfaction with life that is always eating at me. I think I need to find someone, a companion, as the loneliness is one of my greatest triggers have never been in a relationship though. And I don't wish for a codependent relationship, the only model I know well from my parents.
I worry constantly that I will succumb to a death by a thousand pricks and drink again just due to emotional exhaustion.
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Still. There is this nagging feeling. A lingering sadness. Depression and fear, anxiety, disadisfaction with life that is always eating at me. I think I need to find someone, a companion, as the loneliness is one of my greatest triggers have never been in a relationship though. And I don't wish for a codependent relationship, the only model I know well from my parents.
I worry constantly that I will succumb to a death by a thousand pricks and drink again just due to emotional exhaustion.
I worry constantly that I will succumb to a death by a thousand pricks and drink again just due to emotional exhaustion.
as far as that 'is there all there is feeling' goes...stay with it. Three weeks is great - but it's a little too soon to expect the kind of life change that recovery brings.
We drank for years - it takes a little time for us to grow into who we really are
Have faith
D
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Just wanted to say that I'm also at three weeks (well I guess now it's technically 22 days but close enough), and I can definitely relate where you're coming from. The lows are definitely low.... just trying to take it one day at a time.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 157
Thanks guys. On a longish 25km walk around the city today. Not doing the mountain hike I had planned because it's cloudy. But decided I should force myself out for a long walk anyway even though I'm not feeling the greatest.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Nashville
Posts: 326
Smilax - going for a walk is a great idea. I think I'm going to get back on the walking/running train... I really neglected a lot of physical activity due to either drinking or being too hungover. Hope you're doing well today.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Hey Smilax,
I just hit my 30 day today and am feeling blah and melancholy myself. Thought I would feel at least a bit of pride or excitement, but guess not. Don't have much for advice, just wanted to say I totally understand.
SF
I just hit my 30 day today and am feeling blah and melancholy myself. Thought I would feel at least a bit of pride or excitement, but guess not. Don't have much for advice, just wanted to say I totally understand.
SF
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It's not uncommon to plateau a little when hitting a milestone.
Keep your recovery active and you'll get through this.
I hope you'll feel better as the week goes on Summerfall
Keep your recovery active and you'll get through this.
I hope you'll feel better as the week goes on Summerfall
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