subconcious35

Haven't been on here for a very long time. I'm a mess I've been in rehab twice in 2 months one one was in another state and two attempted suicides 2 stays in the icu. I seriously feel like k nobody can help me. I'm still a good mom and wife other than being rather absent lately. I'm starting at day 1 again. When I'm not hung over I'm hurrying up to self medicate again and when I do my anxiety goes way the heck up. I have been trying to quit drinking by taking oxy and percacet as well as cocaine once awhile at the bars. I keep telling myself stop stop but I can't. I've made a circle of **** friends and lost all my others. It's almost like I have a concrete plan already set for me.

Dee74

Why not start to make another plan - one that nurtures you rather than destroys?

check out the Class of September support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-3.html

all you need to do to join is post

and check out this link on making a recovery plan
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

I was nearly dead from my drinking - but I turned it around - I have faith that you can too subconscious

D

Anna

I'm glad you posted and you will find lots of support here.

You will be able to find peace of mind in recovery.

Delilah1

Welcome back, I am glad you logged on and posted. Sounds like you are ready to make the changes you need to make. The September link Dee posted is a great starting place. Is there the possibility of going back to rehab? Do you have any supports in place to help you deal with this? Are you working with a doctor?

You can do this, and I know you will start to feel better if you are sober.

Looking forward to seeing you on here.

❤️ Delilah

subconcious35

Can't my husband is still angry with me for having him fly to pick me up from rehab I panicked I couldn't take it its not that I wasn't ready I got upset losing freedom and my cravings were out of control all that was given was sleep meds to help. I saw my phyciatrist as soon as I got back he recommended serequal once again but I won't do it I overdosed on it drinking.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Subconcious!!

We have to at some point get off the drinking merry-go-round and let our bodies adjust from not having alcohol anymore, but a leap into the unknown is needed, and it can be a scary thing, but there is a wealth of wisdom here on SR that says you can do this and it's going to be alright.

It really will be, if you give yourself a chance to write a new chapter in your life!!

subconcious35

Thanks purpleknight

Lightning Bug

Please think really hard about what a bad idea it is to try to quit drinking by doing blow. Please stop.

fred59

come on you can do it- take whatever help is available,we certainly are here for you - life is worth living

EndGameNYC

Even the best concrete can be broken down. But it's going to take time, and taking time takes patience. If you don't know it already, what you're doing is not working.

You may need reliable and regular care from a therapist, a psychiatrist, or some kind of group setting. Running around trying to get sober in overwhelmingly destructive ways has only made things much worse. Regular treatment can help to slow you down, and you need to slow down.

I think you came to the conclusion that no one can help you because it doesn't seem that you give anyone enough of a chance to help.

For the moment, and because we're into a holiday weekend, you can occupy yourself with not hurting yourself further until you reach out and get the help you need.

Hevyn

Hi subconscious - please don't give up on yourself. I was drinking all day when I came here. Being part of the SR community will strengthen you & help you find the courage to stick to a plan. You can reclaim your life.

TNTStill

You can always change your plan and with the right help it is doable.

Like it's been shared here before, there is a lot of support here. Don't give up, you can live better and their are people here and others involved in recovery elsewhere that can help you do so.

Prayers to you.

subconcious35

I'm a stuffer I'm angry at things I'm disappointed at myself behond belief I always lie to cover up my faults. I really have shut down so bad I never get sad or care about anything I try to but inside I can't let it go. So how can I come back next who I was 3 yrs ago. I had 4 yrs sober from age 28 to 31. I relapsed and never went back to being sober. I really want a happy ending this battle just feels like it's so far from over. I went to two aa meetings this week and I was so untouched I felt nothing and normally it really helps to give me focus.

Soberwolf

Welcome back & nice to meet you

JoeyG1000

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. Believe in yourself and believe you can be sober and you'll gravitate towArdsley that.

Gottalife

Sounds like you have a bit of AA experience from the past. At the risk of stating the obvious, the meetings are not the solution AA has for alcoholism.

Working the program (steps) and going to meetings to give back to others seems to be where the happy permanent and sobriety is to be found. (emphasis on giving).

True many people get by for good long periods by going to meetings and "taking what they need and leaving the rest". But another truism is the person that only breathes in will eventually suffocate.

Maybe a new approach to AA would help?

Notimetoloose

It is so good you are back here...this is a great place to add to recovery plan...
It really doesn't matter if AA left you unaffected this week, it is your actions define you, not your thoughts.
You had 4 years sober...you have the ability to do it again.

Nonsensical

My addiction had me more bound and shackled than any rehab ever could have. All my thoughts were bent on where my next drink was coming from. It's the most insipid form of slavery. The kind that keeps telling you that it's freedom even as it pulls the chains tighter.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Mountainmanbob

That does not sound like a plan that will ever work out for the best ?
You may want to start by making a firm decision to stop.
Please come here more often, many here wish to help you recover.
M-Bob

thomas11

As long as you keep trying, you're still in the game. It sounds pretty rough right now, but keep trying. Many of us tried and tried and eventually something clicked and the picture became crystal clear. You can achieve that as well. I wish you the best.