brightlight

I think part of his reason for drinking and going to a bar is that he is unhappy, but then he does seem happy when he comes home and I do not yell, but I am not happy that he is at a bar all the time. He took off work early and borroed $100 from his boss. I called and he was in a different town at a bar drinking. I did say that if he did not get back in town our marriage was over and he said he was coming back to town. I said you better be back at your bar across the street or our marriage is over. He called and said he was back in town. I think that he called means he was worried, but later he was not across the street and he said he was drivng around. I asked why he did this and he said he has been thinking of what has been going on for the last few days and says he thinks he could make us happy by leaving. I said so you want a divorce and he said yes. I said then you want me to tell the kids you are not coming home and he said yes. He said he would go to the lawyers on Monday. Now I guess I am to cry and beg. Not happening.

best

Sorry to see things come to this stage for so many.
Still people need do what they feel is best for them.

As I remember my quack quack quack...
His pride will have him stick to his ground.
Next could come small hints in hopes that you would reverse your thoughts.
Till he changes, nothing changes.
I think you are doing right to hold to your boundaries.
If changes were to come, things could be changed if wanted.
It could be the thing that helps him find himself and the need to seek change.

JT

Sorry but he didn't ask for a divorce. You said "So you want a divorce"

I am not sure how much you want to make your marriage work but in the interest of your kids I think you need to earn your way out. Notice that I am not talking about him. The only one you can do anything about is you...not him...you.

I want to know about you and I think we all do. He is doing what he wants to do and it is you that is losing it. Have you ever heard the expression "The alcoholic has their arms wrapped around the bottle and we have our arms wrapped around the alcoholic"? Being so wrapped up in what another is or is not doing is not healthy. I have been there. What did you do for you today?

Alcoholism is a family disease. It affects much more than the drinker, it affects the entire family. How you are reacting is classic but there are ways to fix that if you want to know what they are. In the meantime turn your focus off of him and decide what it is YOU want...not what you want him to do.

Hugs,
JT

Yreva

Brightlight- Mine wanted a divorce too. It is hard for an addict to admit that their own actions - "the drinking" has anything to do with their own happiness. They sometimes would rather put the blame on other things. A spouse, a job, anything but looking into themselves. Stand your ground and do what is best for there to EVER be a future for your and his relationship. He needs to change and you need to be able to get better too. It is so hard! We are here for you. Hang in.
On another note my AexH and I split up about 3 months ago and we didn't have to get lawyers to divorce. You can call the county courthouse and they will get you the paperwork and meet with you to make sure you fill it out right (At least here in WA they do that)

Diane