Katzen

I am fortunate to have a great life, a brand new dream house and perfect husband, but being at home alone when husband's at work in a very rural farmland area surrounded by critters and spiders made me feel alone, bored, and a bit frightened, so that was my only "excuse" for drinking until it got so excessive I physically had a hard time ever abstaining and really took a look at myself and realized I NEED to stop.

I find reading through these forums to be very inspiring as they helped me taper off over the past 7 days and today is day 1 being completely sober (yesterday I took what I swore was my last swigs of vodka that had been watered down over 6 days to 95% water). Yes, I feel like having a drink but it feels good to know I don't NEED to, physically or mentally.

So many people in these forums have big issues going on in their lives, so I can see why they turned to alcohol, and many of those posts brought me to tears, especially those that have already been able to get sober in spite of life's difficulties, I'm so proud of them all. I am determined to never drink again and appreciate my life, and I especially appreciate reading all the posts from people supporting total strangers on their roads to recovery.

I really helped me to focus on the good things in the world, I stopped watching tv news and reading news online articles (they seem to be mostly tragic, horrible things going on in the world). Last night as I was making dinner I stopped and stood at the window about a half hour and really appreciated the gorgeous view of the sunset I am fortunate to have.

It took me 49 years to finally understand we really need to appreciate our lives, I don't want to be on my death bed regretting much of it was wasted sitting around at home drunk. "Waking up" and realizing we have a problem is key, I'm so glad to have finally found it.

I hope to eventually be one of you on here posting I've had years of sobriety. The people on here are so wonderful, supportive, and inspiring.

Hugs to you all.

Windancer

Great post!
You sound so very determined and positive! That's fantastic
My heartfelt congratulations on Day One ... good for you. I am in very early Recovery myself. And thanks for reminding me how important it is to be mindful and appreciate the beauty in life around you.
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

fgo

Great job kattzen.
Maybe join the September newcomers group., people just starting out like you. I'm new to the ranks of non drinkers also. the August group was a savior for me.
Welcome to a better life.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Katzen!

I hope this is the beginning of a permanent sobriety. Read around and post often!

sleepie

Good for you Katzen, hope you will stick around and we will cheer you on in your sober endeavors.

Delilah1

Welcome Katzen!! I agree that joining the September class is a great idea. It helps to have others who are at the same point in their recovery journey.

Soberwolf

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, Katzen! It's good to have you with us.

Chanchiluv

And good luck to you! I highly recommend getting a copy of the Big Book of AA. Even if you never attend a meeting, there is some great validation in there for us dealing with this disease. Especially insights into how warped our thinking can become.

Keep up the good work!

PurpleKnight

Great to have you here Katzen!!

Dee74

The September support group is just starting - great chance to get in in the ground floor Katzen

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-2.html

D

Katzen

Thanks everyone, day 2 was a tough one, I was paranoid all day about a spider that had bitten me, plus my the sinus pressure I've had for weeks may have turned into an infection.

May go see a doctor tomorrow, 1 1/2 hour drive. At least I won't have it to time around drinking times! I will be honest and tell him about how I just stopped drinking after binging so long, see what he has to say.

Weird symptoms for me since day 1 - My appetite is zero, I have no desire to eat, no cravings for anything, even though I used to feel like eating 24/7, I'd have cravings for this or that. Though I do have a craving for salt, but with nothing else, so I'm nibbling on sunflower seeds right now. Will force myself to eat something solid soon, but nothing appeals to me, can't even think of anything I'd want to have at a restaurant. Also I'm drinking tons of green tea, which I had started drinking and replacing it for alcohol, only problem with that is frequent trips to the bathroom.

Biggest thing I'm enjoying right now about not drinking... Not having to have a swig to get by, wait a few hours before I can go to the store and buy more liquor, timing anytime I drove to in between times I needed a drink. Used to be times I had a few drinks, saw an add for a new burger on tv, craved it, but was too drunk to drive to get one. I suspect when my appetite gets back I'm going to be gaining weight! But when the weather gets cooler I hope to start talking walks, it's a 5 minute walk to the mailbox, maybe start by walking around the block after that.

Thanks to everyone for their support and sharing your stories, thanks for all the inspiration and helping me know sobriety is possible, if they can do it I can do it!

Soberwolf

Good idea seeing the dr sorry it's a 1.5h drive is there not a Dr closer ?

Great job on day two

Katzen

There are closer doctors, as well as a hospital, but I have Kaiser Health Insurance so they only pay for their providers unless it's an emergency and you're more that 50 miles away... Well there's a Kaiser 40 miles away but because of the rural area it's over a 60 minute drive, but that doesn't count.

Would much rather go to the doctor I know and trust, in a wonderful facility, so will make the extra half hour drive. So I'm going to pull myself together and make the drive. It'll be my 4th day sober and I feel fine (minus a bad sinus headache, but I'd be suffering that if I was sitting at home, anyway.)

Thanks for all your advice and concern... Love SR!