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This could all be over. Now that it's all happening it feels like it's happening too fast... like I'm not ready. I thought I was but the finality of everything is really getting to me right now. I feel so emotional, it's sinking in that it's all really dead.

I'm really looking forward to moving on for good but man, this is hard again

CentralOhioDad

You can do it!! You've come this far, don't stop!!! We're behind you!

LexieCat

It will all be OK. As I said in someone else's thread, it's been over for a long time--this is just the symbolic end. Life will be the same, only better because you will have put down this last burden of baggage.

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I don't think this has sunk in for exA. I know I shouldn't care but it just baffles me that someone could be so out of touch. I know that reality isn't always great and I did my own form of escaping for many years. He's probably not crying at work thinking about how he has to clean an empty house. He's probably not thinking about his mistakes or how he can become a better person. He's probably not letting himself feel everything, even all the yucky stuff.

I can forgive him and am working on letting it go while he may be doing more stuffing and numbing. I had some things really click for me this past week. He holds on to everything... he will always hold things that happened years ago against me. Always. I'm back to having my heart ache for him and anyone else caught in the throes of addiction or dependence. He really doesn't see... he just doesn't see it. It's like watching sand slip through cracks. Painful stuff