Gracey

Sometimes this is the hardest thing in the world...My husband left yesterday at 5:00 pm yesterday......to go to a co-workers house to fix his mom's car......he called lastnight around 10:30 telling me he wasnt finished and asking if I minded if he stayed the night over there.........I was very pleasant with him and told him to do what he had to do...........he said he would be home in the morning sometime............so of course I was uncomfortable with it.......but didnt say a word to him......I went about my business lastnight went to a meeting.........went shopping with the neighbor......kept myself busy........I woke up early of course because of the kids......try to call my husband and of course getting no answer.......I still said fine........I made breakfast did dishes........went to the bank.......and took the kids to the library........still no phone call and it was around 1:00 now........I am back home...........checked caller id to see if he called and had my cell on at the library......no call........he just called me a few minutes ago.........I am very angry..........with him....I wasnt very pleasant on the phone.........but I do no one thing......when he gets home I am going to have a very hard time pretending I am fine............because I am not.......I am angry that he didnt have enough consideration to call me.......I am angry and I dont know how to be nice to someone when they are an inconsiderate A*** hol***

cwohio

gracey - yes it is hard to continue to be nice when they are acting like an a**ho**. keep your cool and continue to do your thing. they really have no comprehension of what it is they are doing so it won't do any good to get mad.

hugs -cwohio

Gracey

Not only does he want me to get over it..........he wants me to make him feel better and give him a hug.......how can you hug someone if you are mad..........just do it make him feel better for being a a*** hol* this is truly difficult.

Lorelai

You always have choices. You can fight with him and be angry but we've all been there and done that. We've been doing that for a long time and it doesn't seem to accomplish anything, does it?

I don't think that "pretending to be fine" is the ultimate goal, Gracey. I don't think anyone expects anyone to go through their lives sucking in all the anger and acting like everything is OK.

If you don't want him to stay all night somewhere, you can certainly say "I would rather you didn't but it's your choice." And then let go of it. That's all you have to say. He can make his own decision. If you don't want to hug him, you can say "I don't feel like hugging you right now." His reaction to that is his own problem. You don't have to explain yourself or fight with him. If you don't feel like hugging him, don't.
L

StandingStrong

Gracey, I'd suggest you work on your personal boundaries.
There is absolutely no reason (In my opinion) why you should HAVE to give your AH a hug if you don't want too. Plus if it's not heartfelt and wanted, then really what is the point?
I did not have personal boundaries for a very long time. Having them in place for my own security as well as peace of mind has really been such a growing time for me. I hope that you'll give them some thought.

Yreva

Gracey- I have been where you are so many times. It is so hard when they do the mean and inconsiderate things like not coming home, and not ever doing what they say they will do, then when they finally come back they want YOU to relieve their guilt....then when you don't they react in ANGER. I don't know if I have some great words of encouragement..it is so hard. Be true to yourself...you ARE worth it.
Diane