280 Days, 40 Weeks: Top 5 Things I've Learned
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
280 Days, 40 Weeks: Top 5 Things I've Learned
Yep, it's been over 9 months now for me. And given the similarity between the duration of my sobriety and the human gestation period - I feel compelled to "give birth" to something.
So, here's my baby...
The "Top 5 Things I've Learned in 280 Days".
5. Being a drunk is hard work! Life has become much more simple for me. I no longer have the struggle of organizing my entire life around booze. No justifying my drinking. No sneaking drinks. No hiding bottles. No logistical challenges around driving, socializing, living as a drunk.
4. Healing is good. I knew I was doing some bad damage to my body with booze. I just never knew how much. In the last 9 months my body and my brain have recovered astoundingly. I feel stronger. I feel sharper. I feel brighter. When you are trapped in the alcoholic life, you have no perspective just how truly sick you are.
3. Not drinking can be "normal" too. When I was drinking, one of the most ridiculous fears I had was how I would be able to deal with life in public as a "non-drinker". What would my friends and family think of me if I didn't drink at parties, lunches, dinners or other social events? (Psst..here's a secret: No one else cares!)
2. Poison goes in. Poison comes out. While I was self-medicating with buckets of vodka, I was methodically poisoning much more than my liver. I was poisoning my mind and my soul. My most dreaded daily moment: the abrupt 4AM wake up - the self loathing was palpable. Clearly anyone who started hating himself at 4AM has got to be the MOST TOXIC of people to deal with throughout the day. I don't miss that at all.
1. It was all in my subconscious anyway. I had spent 10 years trying to use my willpower to stop drinking. I failed horribly. I failed often. I failed spectacularly. Each day I read so many posts here on SR of people trying to use their conscious willpower to conquer their subconscious demons - to no avail. I was there. I can tell you that it won't work. As long as you are doing this, you will have a spoiled little brat in your head SCREAMING for a drink. In order to succeed, you have to reprogram your subconscious first.
That's it - hope this helps someone.
Much love.
So, here's my baby...
The "Top 5 Things I've Learned in 280 Days".
5. Being a drunk is hard work! Life has become much more simple for me. I no longer have the struggle of organizing my entire life around booze. No justifying my drinking. No sneaking drinks. No hiding bottles. No logistical challenges around driving, socializing, living as a drunk.
4. Healing is good. I knew I was doing some bad damage to my body with booze. I just never knew how much. In the last 9 months my body and my brain have recovered astoundingly. I feel stronger. I feel sharper. I feel brighter. When you are trapped in the alcoholic life, you have no perspective just how truly sick you are.
3. Not drinking can be "normal" too. When I was drinking, one of the most ridiculous fears I had was how I would be able to deal with life in public as a "non-drinker". What would my friends and family think of me if I didn't drink at parties, lunches, dinners or other social events? (Psst..here's a secret: No one else cares!)
2. Poison goes in. Poison comes out. While I was self-medicating with buckets of vodka, I was methodically poisoning much more than my liver. I was poisoning my mind and my soul. My most dreaded daily moment: the abrupt 4AM wake up - the self loathing was palpable. Clearly anyone who started hating himself at 4AM has got to be the MOST TOXIC of people to deal with throughout the day. I don't miss that at all.
1. It was all in my subconscious anyway. I had spent 10 years trying to use my willpower to stop drinking. I failed horribly. I failed often. I failed spectacularly. Each day I read so many posts here on SR of people trying to use their conscious willpower to conquer their subconscious demons - to no avail. I was there. I can tell you that it won't work. As long as you are doing this, you will have a spoiled little brat in your head SCREAMING for a drink. In order to succeed, you have to reprogram your subconscious first.
That's it - hope this helps someone.
Much love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Great post, Dad. Congratulations!
From time to time, I've mentioned to people here that getting sober and living in recovery is hard work. But it's so much harder to be an alcoholic. Your post illustrated that well.
From time to time, I've mentioned to people here that getting sober and living in recovery is hard work. But it's so much harder to be an alcoholic. Your post illustrated that well.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Congrats on 40 weeks, Dad! Fantastic post....
I remember # 3 very well, I stressed out about what people will think about me not drinking in the beginning. And you are so right....most people don't even notice, and those that notice either don't care or actually will admire your resolve... or wish that they could get up the courage to quit!
I remember # 3 very well, I stressed out about what people will think about me not drinking in the beginning. And you are so right....most people don't even notice, and those that notice either don't care or actually will admire your resolve... or wish that they could get up the courage to quit!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post, I am about a month behind you, and sobriety has changed everything about how I approach life. Thanks for putting some of those things in words!
Congrats on nine months!
Congrats on nine months!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 36
#1 - Reprogramming the Subconscious
Thanks all for your kind replies and support - it means a lot!
Some of you have asked how I achieved the #1 point. Here's what happened in a nutshell.
First, even when I was a drunk - I always had the belief in a stronger, more powerful, more dominant level of consciousness. It was the thing that overwhelmed me when I wanted a drink. It was the hand that poured that drink even when I knew (consciously) it was the TOTALLY wrong thing to do! It was the demon that "took over" my mind and body when I wanted to get numb and self medicate. It was my subconscious.
Second, I spent a bunch of time researching to understand just how powerful the subconscious actually was, how it worked, and how I could use it to stop drinking. It is said that we actually use less than 10% of our brains. What they mean is that we CONSCIOUSLY use less than 10% - our subconscious is actually an amazing supercomputer that is the 90%+ that controls everything from our body's temperature, to digestion, to immunity, to repair and regrowth, to our instincts, our dreams, our collective consciousnesses and so much more. There is not a computer that has yet been built than can hold a candle to the workings of the average human's subconscious brain!
Third, one day, 280 days ago - it just clicked with me. I finally realized that it was my subconscious that was the drunk. My alcoholism wasn't some tragic character flaw as society treats it. I was a drunk because a huge chunk of my brain wanted it - and it would scream like a baby until it got it! Consciously "not wanting" to drink was nowhere close to the power of my subconsciously "wanting" to get drunk. That's why I was losing so much. As long as I was denying myself (my subconscious) a drink - I was doomed.
That's when I had a "brussels sprouts moment"....
For the record - I hate brussels sprouts - I always did. And it dawned on me that I had never had a "brussels sprouts problem". I never feared going out to a social event where brussels sprouts were being served. I never calculated when the grocery store was closing so I made sure to get there to get some brussels sprouts. I never had to hide or be ashamed of my brussels sprouts consumption. I never got sick from them. I never had a fight with my wife over them. I never convinced myself to just "have a few" brussels sprouts and then woken up in a strange place after an all weekend long binge on brussels sprouts. In fact - in the last 29 years, I have never eaten one single brussels sprout!
Sounds silly - right?
What I did was put booze on the same shelf in my mind as brussels sprouts. And it worked.
At this point, drinking sits on the shelf right between brussels sprouts and ice skating (which I hate too) - and I'll never do any of them again!
Hope this helps.
Some of you have asked how I achieved the #1 point. Here's what happened in a nutshell.
First, even when I was a drunk - I always had the belief in a stronger, more powerful, more dominant level of consciousness. It was the thing that overwhelmed me when I wanted a drink. It was the hand that poured that drink even when I knew (consciously) it was the TOTALLY wrong thing to do! It was the demon that "took over" my mind and body when I wanted to get numb and self medicate. It was my subconscious.
Second, I spent a bunch of time researching to understand just how powerful the subconscious actually was, how it worked, and how I could use it to stop drinking. It is said that we actually use less than 10% of our brains. What they mean is that we CONSCIOUSLY use less than 10% - our subconscious is actually an amazing supercomputer that is the 90%+ that controls everything from our body's temperature, to digestion, to immunity, to repair and regrowth, to our instincts, our dreams, our collective consciousnesses and so much more. There is not a computer that has yet been built than can hold a candle to the workings of the average human's subconscious brain!
Third, one day, 280 days ago - it just clicked with me. I finally realized that it was my subconscious that was the drunk. My alcoholism wasn't some tragic character flaw as society treats it. I was a drunk because a huge chunk of my brain wanted it - and it would scream like a baby until it got it! Consciously "not wanting" to drink was nowhere close to the power of my subconsciously "wanting" to get drunk. That's why I was losing so much. As long as I was denying myself (my subconscious) a drink - I was doomed.
That's when I had a "brussels sprouts moment"....
For the record - I hate brussels sprouts - I always did. And it dawned on me that I had never had a "brussels sprouts problem". I never feared going out to a social event where brussels sprouts were being served. I never calculated when the grocery store was closing so I made sure to get there to get some brussels sprouts. I never had to hide or be ashamed of my brussels sprouts consumption. I never got sick from them. I never had a fight with my wife over them. I never convinced myself to just "have a few" brussels sprouts and then woken up in a strange place after an all weekend long binge on brussels sprouts. In fact - in the last 29 years, I have never eaten one single brussels sprout!
Sounds silly - right?
What I did was put booze on the same shelf in my mind as brussels sprouts. And it worked.
At this point, drinking sits on the shelf right between brussels sprouts and ice skating (which I hate too) - and I'll never do any of them again!
Hope this helps.
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