madgirl

So I am cooking dinner, and I threw on a Bowie record, and a wild urge has seized me to just cut loose - I am, I don't know, bored or something - I miss that wild girl side of me - she was a freaking train wreck, no doubt but at times I had fun - I am a good little productive worker bee drone now - I miss dancing -arrrrgghhhh. Just putting this out there.

Caramel

Dance, sing, move about, clap hands, smile

madgirl

I just turned off the record. My H is down the street at a fantasy football party - he is definitely stoned by now and probably drinking. I hope he feels like s--t tomorrow. Dammit just this morning he was telling me that he enjoys having a few drinks - and he can stop (true) and some guy told him his Doctor said to drink a beer every day for his frequent kidney stones.

Aarrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh

MIRecovery

One thing I learned in a less than successful rehab is, "We will always gravitate to what we know even if what we know is bad."

I know how to live in a world of chaos, pain, shame, lies, and guilt. What I don't know how to do is live in peaceful and sane sober world and and it makes me uncomfortable.

Although I still miss the craziness occasionally I have found serenity in this wonderful sober world. It takes time but slowly the sober world becomes the normal world

Dee74

If it helps Bowie himself gave up the booze and the drugs - I think he was still cool, and a little crazy

D

madgirl

Thanks. I cant say it is fun, but im sober.

madgirl

I think I am lonely. H has been partying all afternoon and evening - Im alone. It has been clear to me for some time that what we really enjoyed doing together was drinking, and without that we arent having much "fun" although I was a depressed disaster in all honesty many many times.

madgirl

Relationships are so freaking hard.

Ariesagain

In the words of the late great Mr. Bowie, "Let's Dance."

Put the music on, turn it up and have at it. It always helps me and it's actually easier when no one else is around!

sugarbear1

yup, just Dance!!

madgirl

MIRecovery - how did you learn to live well sober?

MIRecovery

By pretty much creating a new life. I experimented with things and found things I enjoyed. Some of the old stuff stayed like gardening. I found I liked gardening sober better than being drunk, I have a bunch of AA buddies I do things with, church is something pretty much brand new, I spend more time at work, I am creating a computer application I hope to sell, i walk the dog everyday, all sorts of things that fill my time in healthy rewarding ways. For me doing nothing and isolating are very unhealthy so I try new things

GnikNus

Which Bowie record? I listen to Bowie most days of the week.

Hereandnow2

Realizing dancing sober is fun also was incredibly profound to me! Just dance...

WhiskeyBent

How did the rest of the evening go?

I know how you feel. Trying to be sober while the spouse is whoopin' it up makes it extra hard. Realizing that the two of you loved to share in the drinking makes it more complex. Im right there with you. Two kids and a minivan later its hard to just undo.

Keep up the sober life.

madgirl

He got in at 2:30 this morning.

The Bowie record was Let's Dance - but I was listening to the B side ha.

I need some sober friends.

Elicia08

I feel for you, sweetie. I was in a funk last night about much the same thing. My relationship with my boyfriend used to mostly center around drinking. We had so many fun, goofy, silly times together--sitting by a fire, at a party, at the beach, dancing at a bar, etc. Thing is, he is not an alcoholic. My drinking continued to escalate and he started drinking less and less. Now that I've quit, he isn't drinking either (at least not around me). I miss our early, fun times together and sometimes that feeling overwhelms me. I realize your situation is different and don't have any great words of advice. Just keep doing what you need to do for you. Maybe eventually hubby will follow suit. For me, I'm trying to focus on the good times when can have now sober. It'll take some getting used to, but I think we can do it.

Hang in there! And dancing sober to Bowie is the bomb!

Berrybean

Def get some sober friends. I really enjoy mine. I go to two different churches, and between them they are pretty social, plus AA meetings. It's also worth investigating some clubs and societies. Since getting sober I've really enjoyed tap dancing, choir, running club (beginners, and that was still SO hard), Bollywood Dancercise, reading club, creative writing groups... That's all ì can think of right now but I suspect I've probably missed something. Quite a diverse list. The one thing all of them have in common is that they didn't come and get me. I had too get off my but, lean into my fear, and go and smile, make eye-contact, and get on with it, reminding myself that it is none of my business what people think of me, and I just need to be the best person I can be, and trust that things will work out how they work out. Today I was asked if I'll help out at the Christmas light switch on, where we'll have real camels. A silly thing I know, but sobriety brings lots of opportunities once we start getting out and meeting people. That ask wouldn't have happened while I was still drinking. I was too unreliable. Besides, if it was at a weekend (which it is) there's no way I'd have done it. It would have meant missing out on drinking time.

Tomorrow is bank holiday Monday. I will go have coffee with my newly sober sponsee, and have a good old natter before driving out to another town for a meeting together. It will hopefully help her, but it also improves my quality of sobriety, so we both benefit. Maybe she will become another good and close AA friend as well. Who knows. If so, that will be lovely, but even if not, for tomorrow it means I'm not alone and bored while my partner sleeps off his hangover.

What did you enjoy doing before you discovered alcohol? What we're yiur hobbies and interests. What did you wish you could do? Maybe now is when you get to do gymnastics, or clog dancing, or trampolining or archery or pony trekking, or white water rafting.

madgirl

I would like to answer your questions Berry - but first I need to share what happened the very next day after I posted.

I didnt drink. I watched TV, pet the dog and went to sleep. The next day I took my dog on a hot walk, showered, got the oil changed in my car, and was in the parking lot of the grocery store when I received frantic texts from my brother that my mom was having a stroke and dad was taking her to the ER.

I drove straight there - clear headed, rested and was able to provide emotional support to my dad and manage details for the family. Mom is ok - no permanent brain damage but very high (unmedicated) cholesterol and high blood pressure.

We know now she is at great risk for more strokes - she will need to make lifestyle changes and take her medication - but the reason I share this is to confess my great relief at having stayed the sober course even though it wasnt "fun" and even though I was lonely. I am so grateful to have been able to love and support my family and not be a hungover, flaky mess.

madgirl

Berry that was a lovely response. You are right. I have a question though - what is a natter?