Elicia08

What is it they say about expectations? They breed resentment? Yeah. I think so.

Got myself in a major fink today and it's really pretty silly. Haven't seen my boyfriend the past two days--he's working a LOT and I spent the day with family yesterday. He had to work today too, but I was hoping that after two nights of good rest in his own bed and a shirt day of work today (Saturday's are usually short days), we might be able to have a proper date tonight. Maybe dinner, go catch some live music somewhere, something... He went to work at 6am and still isn't done. That means he isn't going to feel like doing anything tonight but sit around and watch tv. I'm feeling sorry for myself and feeling like an ass because he's the one who has had to work his butt off all week. Can't kick this sad feeling though. Guess it's the selfish alike in me. I don't know.

Anyway... Sorry to drag y'all into my pity party. It could always be worse. At least I'm not drunk....

JD

It's just disappointment. It's a rational feeling. It's what you do with that feeling that counts. So recognize it for what it is and let it go. And maybe he'll surprise you and want to go out.

Elicia08

Maybe. Thanks for the kind words.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're disappointed Elicia. Maybe watching TV together won;t be so bad? order a pizza....relax?

D

Elicia08

No, I suppose it wouldn't. I've just been doing a lot of that lately. I think I was already feeling sorry for myself and used this as an excuse. I'm very lucky to have a man who loves me enough to have put up with all my bs over the past few years...

Dee74

Hope the evening turns out better than you think

D

Anna

I hope you have a good evening, too.

It's really hard to not have expectations, and I hope you enjoy your evening.

WithGodsGrace13

Maybe while yall are sitting and relaxing, talk about when he'd have time to do something. An upcoming day off or whatnot. And then discuss what you'd like to do together. Maybe hit groupon and buy tickets to the zoo or a museum or restaurant. That way there's an investment of both time and money as well as a definite goal to look forward to rather than just limbo. Plus he's much more likely to go through with it if he's paid in advance.for the activity.

Dame

Sorry you are feeling low. Also sorry your BF had to work so much. Maybe if you get together you could ask him if he would like to de-stress with some activity... or maybe talk?
But then I like quiet evenings with my Guy. I wish we could afford T.V.

Elicia08

Thanks all. He's here now and we ordered Chinese and are finishing up SOA. I'm just in a funk and am trying to work on gratitude. Bedtime soon. I imagine we'll talk a little then. For now I'm just gonna try to enjoy his company. Tomorrow is another day...

Delizadee

I HAD to share this somewhere and I thought this was appropriate.

This article really hit some home truths for me and I LOVED the saying on the picture, which I could not credit the author because I could not read it!! But
"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." (author credit unknown)

Managing Expectations When Dealing with Others

Delizadee

PS I hope you sleep super well and have the most starsprinkly day tomorrow.
Much love,
Del

EndGameNYC

I knew I recognized the quote, so I looked it up. It's Carlos Castanada, author of Journey to Ixtlan and The Teachings of Don Juan.

I think he's a very good writer, but he's not for everyone. I'm not a big fan of the phenomenon of "triggers" to relapse, but for those who are, he may not be the best author for you, particularly when it comes to using drugs.

Oh yeah...In the long run, making myself miserable was much more work and took a bigger toll on me than making myself stronger did. It's very easy to lose sight of the fact that we deplete ourselves of so many personal resources by making ourselves miserable, resources that are not unlimited. Not to mention forfeiting anything that's potentially positive in our lives while we're busy fighting off things like love and joyfulness.

Elicia08

Thanks, (((Del)))! Great article. I bookmarked it for future reading. And I hope you have a starsparkly day as well!!!

Feeling much better today. Somehow I knew I would. It's just hard to see the light when you let the darkness overcome you...

TinHipsMcGee

I'm in the same place you are (feeling neglected and insecure), but I haven't been in the same room with my guy for two weeks. He's working full-time, coaching little kids' football every weeknight, helping his son manage his restaurant, going to AA meetings, being a sponsor, and he lives an hour away. I'd be thrilled to have him sitting next to me watching TV. So much for "perspective."

It's been torture turning all of this over to my higher power because I can't control any of it. I want to text him to get reassurance, but know that will just annoy him and be me trying to get control of the situation.

One way to get out of yourself is to do something nice for him . . . something unexpected. Also, if you write out a gratitude list, that can help.

Elicia08

Thank you, Tin! What a difference a day makes. Feeling so much better today. And you are right, I need to remember to be grateful I have him in my life at all. I think I was just generally feeling extra down in the dumps yesterday and without a good reason, I used him as an excuse to sink deeper into despair. We had a mellow night last night followed by a great day today. I usually am too hung over to want to do anything on Sundays, but today I followed him to the grocery store, went to his house and helped him make his lunches for the week, folded laundry, helped pick up his room, managed to mess up his tv, but had a fabulous day anyway. Now I'm waiting for him to come on over so we can make a yummilicious dinner and watch the last episode of SOA. His alarm goes off at 4:30am so it'll be an early night for us but that's okay. Sorry your sweetie is so far away!! I know that must be hard.... Today I'm grateful for what I have...

Dame

Just wanted to say that your post has been a great inspiration for me. I haven't been giving my Guy nearly enough love (or credit) for 'staying the course' with me.
But, Honey, don't spoil him TOO much, lol