Feel like checking up on XAH...
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Feel like checking up on XAH...
Had a dream last night, where XAH turned into the man I married and I was regretting divorcing him. Woke up in tears. Miss him today.
Last time I have heard from him was on Tuesday, when he called DS. He missed Thursday scheduled call - he must have gotten final divorce papers in the mail.
He also sent me an e-mail that he wants to see DS on Labor Day weekend, I requested supervision schedule, he did not respond..:
For whatever reason, I really feel like talking to him today...worried that he relapsed after seeing the papers....am I "relapsing"?
Need tough love
Last time I have heard from him was on Tuesday, when he called DS. He missed Thursday scheduled call - he must have gotten final divorce papers in the mail.
He also sent me an e-mail that he wants to see DS on Labor Day weekend, I requested supervision schedule, he did not respond..:
For whatever reason, I really feel like talking to him today...worried that he relapsed after seeing the papers....am I "relapsing"?
Need tough love
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Yes, you're relapsing. Make a list of every single reason and episode where he let you down, was abusive, lied, put himself ahead of your child...and keep that list on your phone.
That dream was only that. You know that.
Sending you a hug.
That dream was only that. You know that.
Sending you a hug.
I don't know that you're "relapsing," but you need to get out of this mindset before you do something you'll regret. Think about all the wacko dreams you've had in your life--this one isn't some kind of "message" for you. It's normal you'd have a dream about him--he's been on your mind as you've been dealing with the parenting time stuff and the final decree.
You can't prevent HIM from relapsing. If he's gonna do it over something like getting papers in the mail, he's got a long way to go.
I'd suggest finding something to occupy you to take your mind off what he's doing.
Hugs,
You can't prevent HIM from relapsing. If he's gonna do it over something like getting papers in the mail, he's got a long way to go.
I'd suggest finding something to occupy you to take your mind off what he's doing.
Hugs,
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Pulling my list up in my phone - thanks for the hug! I am thinking about tracking the "urges". DS is under the weather - I found that when I am at home for a long time - that is the worst time
It is one thing to be sad and grieve (I had both dreams and nightmares, and cried, and still cry) and it is another thing to actually do it and check on him. Then you are relapsing. Even if he relapsed, what exactly can you do about it?
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Nothing. But at least I can let go of Labor Day visit plans.......I guess I just have to wait and see - if visit is on, I should be hearing from him.....
Your mother in law must be very ignorant of alcoholism and the nature of the disease.
Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce. There are some rare exception...but, that just seems to be the way it works.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....
Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce. There are some rare exception...but, that just seems to be the way it works.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Your mother in law must be very ignorant of alcoholism and the nature of the disease.
Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce. There are some rare exception...but, that just seems to be the way it works.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....
Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce. There are some rare exception...but, that just seems to be the way it works.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....
Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce.
She was banking on the fact that we would be too embarrassed to confront him. Now knowing what I know, I realized all she was doing was throwing everybody under a bus to justify her affair with somebody who we found out later was a pothead. And even if the allegations WERE true, she could have sought out counseling, even a divorce, instead of stringing everybody along for four years before the affair came to light.
Before my family found out about her cheating, she even used to complain about her neighbors and how they looked down on her because she wasn't the typical soccer mom. It wasn't because she was different, it was because a strange man was coming in and out of the house while she was married to somebody else. But for her, it was just another opportunity to portray herself as the misunderstood victim.
So who the hell knows what your ex told your former MIL?
And that said, even if his family does side with your ex, I bet the cracks are already showing, and there may be even questions about your ex-husband's veracity. However, it's more likely than not that they will not express those doubts to you.
BTW, my sister's ex-husband and I get along just fine now, and when we do get the rare opportunity to talk, it's like two war veterans swapping stories of what it was like behind enemy lines.
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I just want to say that I totally feel for what you're going through. Even if you are "relapsing" so to speak, it's only natural given the situation. I'm also going through similar feelings about exA, who has similar relapse patterns as yours, and who I still see since we have a young child. I need to whip out the list too. I think they know just how to push our buttons and appeal to our weak spots (guilt, our need to monitor them). Anyway, just know you're not alone and you are doing what is healthy for you, even if it hurts now. Sending support
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I just want to say that I totally feel for what you're going through. Even if you are "relapsing" so to speak, it's only natural given the situation. I'm also going through similar feelings about exA, who has similar relapse patterns as yours, and who I still see since we have a young child. I need to whip out the list too. I think they know just how to push our buttons and appeal to our weak spots (guilt, our need to monitor them). Anyway, just know you're not alone and you are doing what is healthy for you, even if it hurts now. Sending support
He was much better father than a husband, but driving under influence negates that....I hate addiction.
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Almost always, the family will "side" with their own at the time of divorce. There are some rare exception...but, that just seems to be the way it works.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....[/QUOTE]
My AH SIL knew quite a bit about what was happening in my house and when I called the police, filed for divorce and got a restraining order she supported her bil. All the in laws family went nc with me for over two years. They are finally starting to acknowledge that I exist. I joined Alanon after all my actions, which I dont regret. I wish I would have found alanon sooner instead of verbalizing things to SIL.
I think that some things--we just have to consider the context and let it pass right over us.....otherwise, it can just make us KRAZE....[/QUOTE]
My AH SIL knew quite a bit about what was happening in my house and when I called the police, filed for divorce and got a restraining order she supported her bil. All the in laws family went nc with me for over two years. They are finally starting to acknowledge that I exist. I joined Alanon after all my actions, which I dont regret. I wish I would have found alanon sooner instead of verbalizing things to SIL.
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Ok XAH Skyped DS, sober and all. Mother in law barged in (he was in her house), stating that I looked lovely. Told me that he bought me something for my B-Day.
I thanked him but said it was not necessary. I feel like there will be barrage of sweetness and thoughtfulness come Labor Day Weekend. Need to make plans with friends so I stay away from him and his fam.
I thanked him but said it was not necessary. I feel like there will be barrage of sweetness and thoughtfulness come Labor Day Weekend. Need to make plans with friends so I stay away from him and his fam.
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Ok XAH Skyped DS, sober and all. Mother in law barged in (he was in her house), stating that I looked lovely. Told me that he bought me something for my B-Day.
I thanked him but said it was not necessary. I feel like there will be barrage of sweetness and thoughtfulness come Labor Day Weekend. Need to make plans with friends so I stay away from him and his fam.
I thanked him but said it was not necessary. I feel like there will be barrage of sweetness and thoughtfulness come Labor Day Weekend. Need to make plans with friends so I stay away from him and his fam.
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