Sickandtierd16

my alcoholic sister has just been arrested for drink driving and again breach of bail!!! she's in jail and the police called my mummy asking could she be released to my mummys bail address and to be honest he was pressuring her... my mum sat crying her eyes out and strongly said no.. she could have killed somebody tonight and my mother said she can't keep protecting her. so it's looking like she's going to jail until her court.... she's currently crying her eyes out feeling so bad.

Nata1980

Not bailing her out probably saved her life. I hope your mom realizes that

LexieCat

You can comfort your mom and tell her how proud you are that she stood up and refused to help your sister risk her life and others' lives.

Your sister will survive jail. Many, MANY people have been there. Sometimes it is just what is needed to realize what they are dong to their lives. No guarantees, but bailing her out wasn't helping ANYONE, including her.

Sickandtierd16

I hugged her so hard when she got off the phone and told her how proud I was that she took this difficult step

hope778

This is likely one of the hardest days your mother will ever have, but that was a good choice to not bail her out. It would not have helped anyone, and would have only perpetuated the situation ....

Jaeger

Oh man....I've been where your mother is. I told my AS no when he called me. It was so hard but I really do think that night he knew that Momma wasn't playing. I just couldn't. She really did do the right thing!

Carol Star

I heard at a meeting-"do not deprive someone of their bottom."

Sickandtierd16

so she got arrested and spent 5 days in jail... she got a suspended sentence and waiting trial for drink driving charges amongst other things!.
she called my mother and the cocky bitch acted so manipulative and hateful and controlling and oh my God you couldn't believe it !!. my mum was firm but fair and ended the call stating the doors open when she's ready for help... my sister texted her today and said she didn't appreciate how my mum spoke to her and she must have been drinking which is double standards....... my mum doesn't drink???? Im baffled... I feel that I'm ready to cut her out of my life. ... would it be fair?

Jaeger

You can go no contact with ANYONE that you need to. Family doesn't get a free pass to abuse you. It sounds like your Mom is getting it!

firebolt

Abuse of any kind is not fair to you or your family, and you have every right to walk away.

Nothing changes if nothing changes....and that applies to you as much as it does to the alcoholic. Maybe the alcoholic will change her situation, and you can reevaluate your decision.

GO MOM!! And please take care of you however you need to.

tomsteve

well of course yer sister wasnt appreciative- she couldnt manipulate. alcoholics usually only show appreciation for enabling actions.

would it be fair to cut her out?
fair to who? you?
yes.
your mother?
yes
your sister?
prolly not in her eye, but yes.

please tell your mother we are truly sorry she has to go through this but we are proud of her.
and proud f you,too.

LexieCat

Don't try to make sense out of it. It's just alcoholic insanity.

Nothing unfair about cutting all contact with her. She has abused your and your mom's generosity for far too long. I hope your mom starts blocking her number, too.

Adrian80

If cutting her off is what you have to do then cut her off. It may be the best thing for her. It will hurt but you can't help doing what has to be done. My beautiful grandmother coddled and enabled my uncle. She has been gone nearly 30 years and he is still an active alcoholic today. He is more responsible but he didn't get that way until many years after my grandmother was gone and he was ready. Please reiterate to your mom how proud you are of her and that what she did was right and very brave. You guys take care.

Carol Star

My XAH always got off easy; many dui's- got a scooter, lost liscences- hired someone to drive him- or you know who did it , lost jobs- got others, inherited $ so didn't need one anymore which in a way was the end of him, BUT- died age 58 of the disease he couldn't stop with no program......organs shut down. Good guy-bad disease- can be arrested but never cured.

Sickandtierd16

so today she entered a 3 week intense rehab programme. I've had almost no contact for a week and to be honest I don't know how I feel that she went. I'm happy for her but I after what's happened I can't provide the support she will need when she finishes rehab... does that make me an awful person? it like oh she's gone to rehab and we are all supposed to forgive her, End off. rehab may help her drinking but it won't change her attitude and who she is... I should forgive her and try to move on but I don't think I can...... 😢

healthyagain

You forgive someone when you are ready because it is easier to live that way without being resentful and having that poison in your blood. But if she entered rehab, that does not mean she is going to get standing ovations and that everything is going to change automatically. It takes lots of hard work to regain people's trust. You are not an awful person, just being honest to yourself.

shockozulu

It doesn't make you an awful person at all. I will never forget my grandfather sitting on the couch after my mother got her DUI and he didn't bai l her out right away. He wanted his daughter to realize the severity of her actions. That was twenty years ago, but it seems like yesterday. I had to go no contact for two years before I found myself enough to be able to tell her "If you do x behavior I'm leaving." And the first time I did walk out that door my mother realized I was serious. It was the last time she manipulated me.

Bekindalways

Hi Sickandtired, you are not a bad person at all and rehab is just the start. Recovery is long hard work.

Even if you forgave her tomorrow, most of us would advise staying no-contact. If she can stay sober a year, you might consider rekindling a relationship.

Forgiving is not forgetting. It is more just letting go of the resentment and this might be easier if you stay away from her.

Refiner

SAT... My sister was so toxic to me my entire life (and sounds like yours) that to top it off I learned she was an A (and hid it until she couldn't and had seizures and went to the hospital and was on life support). I couldn't do it anymore with this sick, toxic, hateful person. I wished her well in her recovery but chose to no longer be a partner in her dance of toxicity. I'm a much happier person for this choice I made, believe me!

Sickandtierd16

update.....
She went to the clinic, this clinic was an intense 1 to 1 programme using various psychological theories and cognitive behaviour therapy that cost thousands of pounds. She felt great after the programme and stopped drinking. However, soon after she took my sister (who is severely disabled intellectually) shopping and stole 300 pound worth of stuff. She told my sister to "act stupid" when caught and placed the whole blame on to her.
Personally i think that is disgusting and no longer feel like she should be apart of my life. I'm very happy and over joyed she has stopped drinking and she is at peace with her self but I can't be apart of this behaviour. What do you think? Part of me feels very guilty because she is my sister.