Finding Strength Weekender August 26th - Part 1
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Finding Strength Weekender August 26th - Part 1
I don't actually know at what point I was most afraid. Just before stopping to drink and drug or just after.
Just before I wondered what a few days from that moment would be like? How will I make it through a day? What if something terrible happens and I cannot drink? Yeah I always acknowledged that I drank to run.
Then I stopped. And I was overcome again with fear. But not at first. This time everything I thought before was bogus. I felt great in my first few days. Like I could handle anything. That turned into fear. Fear I could not stay this way. That I would loose this new feeling to nothingness again.
That sucks. Neither option felt good at that time. Going back or going forward. The greater fear won out every time and I was back where I started. How many times did I do this? Countless.
Everyone is different. For me there was a time when I moved forward. Spent a bit more time sober and saw myself past that fuzzy cloud of fear that stood in both directions.
No force except your own will is strong enough or worthy enough to guide you.
I look back and wonder how I found the strength. I think I always had it... just like you do. I had to just keep going past those thoughts that trapped me. They do change. They did fade enough to allow me passage. I will always fear going back, but just like then... My greater fear wins out.
Welcome to your sober weekend!
Ken
Just before I wondered what a few days from that moment would be like? How will I make it through a day? What if something terrible happens and I cannot drink? Yeah I always acknowledged that I drank to run.
Then I stopped. And I was overcome again with fear. But not at first. This time everything I thought before was bogus. I felt great in my first few days. Like I could handle anything. That turned into fear. Fear I could not stay this way. That I would loose this new feeling to nothingness again.
That sucks. Neither option felt good at that time. Going back or going forward. The greater fear won out every time and I was back where I started. How many times did I do this? Countless.
Everyone is different. For me there was a time when I moved forward. Spent a bit more time sober and saw myself past that fuzzy cloud of fear that stood in both directions.
No force except your own will is strong enough or worthy enough to guide you.
I look back and wonder how I found the strength. I think I always had it... just like you do. I had to just keep going past those thoughts that trapped me. They do change. They did fade enough to allow me passage. I will always fear going back, but just like then... My greater fear wins out.
Welcome to your sober weekend!
Ken
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Awwwwww. Thanks. I miss virtually hanging out with you, too. But,my sobriety has given me opportunities to do so many things I may have bitten off more than I can chew.
But I am gonna chew the summbeach, anyway. I always wuz stubborn like that. A trait that kept me drinking longer than I should have, but one that serves me well in sobriety.
But I am gonna chew the summbeach, anyway. I always wuz stubborn like that. A trait that kept me drinking longer than I should have, but one that serves me well in sobriety.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
I am in!
Finding strength is completely on spot for me now.
I've just made an appointment with a credit lawyer and I am scared to death. I am facing the situation when I wont be able to pay my debts again and I am horrified.
I need to gather all the srength to go through fear again.
But I am not drinking. I am learning not to hide but tap into that inner strength.
My best wishes to all!
Finding strength is completely on spot for me now.
I've just made an appointment with a credit lawyer and I am scared to death. I am facing the situation when I wont be able to pay my debts again and I am horrified.
I need to gather all the srength to go through fear again.
But I am not drinking. I am learning not to hide but tap into that inner strength.
My best wishes to all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
It's only my third weekender but I had been waiting for your words of wisdom, Ken.
I am still at the feel good stage, hoping it'll just stay there.
@midnightblue - I am sorry you have to go through this, hopefully this will be the beginning of the solution. Being sober will definitely help.
P
I am still at the feel good stage, hoping it'll just stay there.
@midnightblue - I am sorry you have to go through this, hopefully this will be the beginning of the solution. Being sober will definitely help.
P
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Hey MB. Good to see you here. That's a tough one. I had to declare bankruptcy when I was in the early twenties. I felt terrible about things. But we do recover. I know you will. Make sure you self nurture during these tougher moments.
Ken
Ken
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks Dee. It's helpful to share and think back on moments. Helps me find my strength. 
Good to see you on board agin Mr. PL. What's the weekend plan this week?
Welcome to the weekender Zanna! We meet this time every week. Glad you jumped on the sober bus. We arrive sober Monday's but many stay on for a whirl wind tour of the world through sober eyes.
What is your sober plans include this weekend? What will Friday night be like for you?
Ken
Good to see you on board agin Mr. PL. What's the weekend plan this week?
Welcome to the weekender Zanna! We meet this time every week. Glad you jumped on the sober bus. We arrive sober Monday's but many stay on for a whirl wind tour of the world through sober eyes.
What is your sober plans include this weekend? What will Friday night be like for you?
Ken
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Trees and Zanna!
Hi Ken, my main focus is not drinking Friday night, which were my biggest ones, but I am feeling really good sober, don't see a clear threat out there yet. Plan is to spend as much time with the kids as possible, do some gardening, play some music, basically enjoy the simple pleasures of life. What have you got lined up?
P
Hi Ken, my main focus is not drinking Friday night, which were my biggest ones, but I am feeling really good sober, don't see a clear threat out there yet. Plan is to spend as much time with the kids as possible, do some gardening, play some music, basically enjoy the simple pleasures of life. What have you got lined up?
P
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Good morning, do count me in.
Yet again, a thoughtful post. Trying to avoid or medicate fear can govern our lives. As sobriety persists, that can help to grow our resilience so that we can face our discomforts. Whilst doing this, we need to nurture our strengths and relationships.
Damn hard work I might add for which we require coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
B
Yet again, a thoughtful post. Trying to avoid or medicate fear can govern our lives. As sobriety persists, that can help to grow our resilience so that we can face our discomforts. Whilst doing this, we need to nurture our strengths and relationships.
Damn hard work I might add for which we require coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
B
Last edited by Dee74; 08-25-2016 at 03:28 AM.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
I look back and wonder how I found the strength. I think I always had it... just like you do.
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