Leaflet

After having been sober for four days, I've started to feel scared about the alter-ego living inside of me. It's like one drink could potentially ruin my life because that drink could turn into 50, and I wouldn't even notice until I hit the hangover the next day. I feel like there's some kind of monster inside of me, and the alcohol lets it out. It makes me want to hide in my house so I'm not tempted. There is alcohol everywhere! Even my favorite TV show has characters drinking huge amounts of liquor, and acting fine. It sounds odd, but I'm actually afraid of myself.

Dee74

Give yourself a little time Leaflet.

I was sure there was a monster inside me too - but three things happened..

the first was I realised that I wasn't as powerless as I thought I was...

the second was that I could see people living happy free sober lives...

and the third was I found that monster didn't really exist...the real me I found in recovery was actually a pretty decent guy.

If there ever was a monster it died from starvation

I made a commitment to do everything possible not to drink again. It's been nearly ten years and nothing's 'made' me drink yet

D

Julia8

I don't really have any advice - i'm only 11 days myself, but just wanted to say that I understand. I know you can do this. And from what I hear, these feelings only get better and better over time. Hang in there.

PurpleKnight

Hey Leaflet, I guess most of us could only be 1 drink away from destruction whether we've been Sober days, months or even years.

It all comes down to which wolf do we feed, that's who's gonna win, stick to your plan and everything will be alright!!

You can do this!!

fgo

Leaflet,
I think we all can relate to what you said, that's why I'm here. I'm not going to listen to that voice anymore. It takes time,, but there are a lot wonderful people here that prove it can be done. You can do this. Join us in the August support class. No better time to start than now.

Leaflet

Finallygotout, is there a way someone joins the August support class, or do I post in there to join it? I'm not quite sure how this forum works, sorry!

kgr103110

My thoughts exactly. The whole Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde effect that drinking has on me is terrifying. I don't trust myself at all anymore -- even when I'm sober. I'm on Day 6 and feeling less miserable.. but that fear still lurks beneath the surface.

Ooona

Leaflet, welcome!
Yes just join right in to the August group, fantastic group of people over there!
We all seem to have that alter ego, some call it the Alcoholic Voice ( AV) I personally call mine ' the chirpers'. Whatever it is it only wants whats NOT good for us. If you have to stay close to home these next few days or whatever, thats fine, do what ever will keep you safe and sober!
Im so glad you are here!!