Detering myself from asking for help after sobering up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Florence, AL
Posts: 2
Detering myself from asking for help after sobering up
I've just recently decided, about a month or two ago, that I need to do something about my drinking. I became fully aware of it when looking for help for what seemed to be social anxiety, which I figured was a result of isolation and some depression that goes along with Narcolepsy. Ofcourse it just being some beers every night, I thought I would be able to manage it on my own with the help of the select family and friends I let know about my drinking. I've noticed that on days that I end up drinking, usually isolated, I will convince myself that I need more help in maintaining sobriety and research possible plans, possibly through outpatient rehab since I'm attending college. Once I start sobering up, I usually think I'm probably overreacting from shame and guilt and talk myself out of getting more help. As I write this, I know what I should probably do lol but I was hoping for some advice from anyone who has had a similar experience. I've had more than a fair share of health problems for a 25 year old, so I can sometimes be a hypochondriac. But I'm also a really good bullshitter haha, especially when sober, and tend tell people what I think they want to hear. I've almost talked myself out of starting this thread this whole time haha especially after I got logged out lol! Any advice is appreciated
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I would recommend reading the first 164 pages of the big book or Alcoholics Anonymous and seeing if you relate to what you read in there.
For me it always seems that there is the alcoholic DRINKING to deal with - and in a way that is fairly straightforward, if not easy. And then there is the alcoholic THINKING. And the shame and remorse, the rationalisation (or bull-shitting ), the retreating behind half-truths to avoid uncomfortable real-truth or reality (we can even believe ut ourselves - denial). All the emotions and pain and inner drama that we live with in this mode of thinking when it is left unchallenged makes sobriety pretty unbearable. You are right to be thinking about how to deal with it.
I am an AAer, and was absolutely confuddled when I looked as the 12-steps of recovery and saw that only the first one even mentions alcohol. How could this be? Now I know that this is because once we've stopped drinking, then the bigger and most rewarding part of the recovery journey starts. And that is the steps 2 to 12 which help us recognise and turn around the alcoholic thinking.
I will mention. Not everyone who recovers does it through AA. It is not the only route. Some people are turned right off it because it is a spiritual program, mentions God (as in a Higher Power of your own understanding - which is not a religious God necessarily) and works on the premises of accepting that we are powerless over certain events and situations in life and need to find acceptance of these things to be comfortable. I know and understand all that. BUT. It has def worked for me. And for many many other people I know. I have seen people find sobriety and a change come over them. They have found hope and joy, and this is reflected in their newly jaunty walk, chattiness, and a smile on their lips that is matched by the sparkle in their eyes.
Hopefully the people who found these things through a different route can share their own suggestions, experience and hope with you, and then you can get an idea of options available to you.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery . BB
For me it always seems that there is the alcoholic DRINKING to deal with - and in a way that is fairly straightforward, if not easy. And then there is the alcoholic THINKING. And the shame and remorse, the rationalisation (or bull-shitting ), the retreating behind half-truths to avoid uncomfortable real-truth or reality (we can even believe ut ourselves - denial). All the emotions and pain and inner drama that we live with in this mode of thinking when it is left unchallenged makes sobriety pretty unbearable. You are right to be thinking about how to deal with it.
I am an AAer, and was absolutely confuddled when I looked as the 12-steps of recovery and saw that only the first one even mentions alcohol. How could this be? Now I know that this is because once we've stopped drinking, then the bigger and most rewarding part of the recovery journey starts. And that is the steps 2 to 12 which help us recognise and turn around the alcoholic thinking.
I will mention. Not everyone who recovers does it through AA. It is not the only route. Some people are turned right off it because it is a spiritual program, mentions God (as in a Higher Power of your own understanding - which is not a religious God necessarily) and works on the premises of accepting that we are powerless over certain events and situations in life and need to find acceptance of these things to be comfortable. I know and understand all that. BUT. It has def worked for me. And for many many other people I know. I have seen people find sobriety and a change come over them. They have found hope and joy, and this is reflected in their newly jaunty walk, chattiness, and a smile on their lips that is matched by the sparkle in their eyes.
Hopefully the people who found these things through a different route can share their own suggestions, experience and hope with you, and then you can get an idea of options available to you.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery . BB
Last edited by Berrybean; 08-25-2016 at 01:03 AM. Reason: typos
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Welcome DMBTooMuch41 
I was drinking all day everyday by the end and still able to rationalise that it 'only' took me a few days to feel ok again so what could be seriously wrong...?
Posting here regularly on SR really helped me remember I was 'that bad' and that I really did have a problem that needed urgent attention.
It's hard to argue with your own story staring back at you, whether it's your post or someone else's.
I learned to be open and honest here too - partly because I felt the support and I wanted to be honest...and because people here are pretty damn good at detecting BS
I'm glad you found us
D
Once I start sobering up, I usually think I'm probably overreacting from shame and guilt and talk myself out of getting more help....But I'm also a really good bullshitter haha, especially when sober, and tend tell people what I think they want to hear.
Posting here regularly on SR really helped me remember I was 'that bad' and that I really did have a problem that needed urgent attention.
It's hard to argue with your own story staring back at you, whether it's your post or someone else's.
I learned to be open and honest here too - partly because I felt the support and I wanted to be honest...and because people here are pretty damn good at detecting BS
I'm glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Welcome DMB,
You got to the right place, we all had and have similar struggles, but there is a way out and we'll help you find it.
Hang on for the first few days and soon you'll feel a lot better, at that point you can start thinking about how this is going to work long term.
It's nice to have you here.
P
You got to the right place, we all had and have similar struggles, but there is a way out and we'll help you find it.
Hang on for the first few days and soon you'll feel a lot better, at that point you can start thinking about how this is going to work long term.
It's nice to have you here.
P
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
I would recommend reading the first 164 pages of the big book or Alcoholics Anonymous and seeing if you relate to what you read in there.
For me it always seems that there is the alcoholic DRINKING to deal with - and in a way that is fairly straightforward, if not easy. And then there is the alcoholic THINKING. And the shame and remorse, the rationalisation (or bull-shitting ), the retreating behind half-truths to avoid uncomfortable real-truth or reality (we can even believe ut ourselves - denial). All the emotions and pain and inner drama that we live with in this mode of thinking when it is left unchallenged makes sobriety pretty unbearable. You are right to be thinking about how to deal with it.
I am an AAer, and was absolutely confuddled when I looked as the 12-steps of recovery and saw that only the first one even mentions alcohol. How could this be? Now I know that this is because once we've stopped drinking, then the bigger and most rewarding part of the recovery journey starts. And that is the steps 2 to 12 which help us recognise and turn around the alcoholic thinking.
I will mention. Not everyone who recovers does it through AA. It is not the only route. Some people are turned right off it because it is a spiritual program, mentions God (as in a Higher Power of your own understanding - which is not a religious God necessarily) and works on the premises of accepting that we are powerless over certain events and situations in life and need to find acceptance of these things to be comfortable. I know and understand all that. BUT. It has def worked for me. And for many many other people I know. I have seen people find sobriety and a change come over them. They have found hope and joy, and this is reflected in their newly jaunty walk, chattiness, and a smile on their lips that is matched by the sparkle in their eyes.
Hopefully the people who found these things through a different route can share their own suggestions, experience and hope with you, and then you can get an idea of options available to you.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery . BB
For me it always seems that there is the alcoholic DRINKING to deal with - and in a way that is fairly straightforward, if not easy. And then there is the alcoholic THINKING. And the shame and remorse, the rationalisation (or bull-shitting ), the retreating behind half-truths to avoid uncomfortable real-truth or reality (we can even believe ut ourselves - denial). All the emotions and pain and inner drama that we live with in this mode of thinking when it is left unchallenged makes sobriety pretty unbearable. You are right to be thinking about how to deal with it.
I am an AAer, and was absolutely confuddled when I looked as the 12-steps of recovery and saw that only the first one even mentions alcohol. How could this be? Now I know that this is because once we've stopped drinking, then the bigger and most rewarding part of the recovery journey starts. And that is the steps 2 to 12 which help us recognise and turn around the alcoholic thinking.
I will mention. Not everyone who recovers does it through AA. It is not the only route. Some people are turned right off it because it is a spiritual program, mentions God (as in a Higher Power of your own understanding - which is not a religious God necessarily) and works on the premises of accepting that we are powerless over certain events and situations in life and need to find acceptance of these things to be comfortable. I know and understand all that. BUT. It has def worked for me. And for many many other people I know. I have seen people find sobriety and a change come over them. They have found hope and joy, and this is reflected in their newly jaunty walk, chattiness, and a smile on their lips that is matched by the sparkle in their eyes.
Hopefully the people who found these things through a different route can share their own suggestions, experience and hope with you, and then you can get an idea of options available to you.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery . BB
It is tough to gather info. at AA meetings. People have lives and I can only talk to one person per meeting, usually.
Here at SR, the help fills in behind the question.
Keep reading and keep asking.
AA meetings will fill in your time alone and provide that accountability one needs.
Don't want to go to a meeting drunk or hung over. Getting a 24 hour chip every other meeting, if you are true to yourself, is embarrassing.
Doing that though, gets you focused help from your AA team.
They are ready and willing. You have to make the move though.
90 in 90 might work for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by MrPL
Welcome DMB,
You got to the right place, we all had and have similar struggles, but there is a way out and we'll help you find it.
Hang on for the first few days and soon you'll feel a lot better, at that point you can start thinking about how this is going to work long term.
It's nice to have you here.
P
You got to the right place, we all had and have similar struggles, but there is a way out and we'll help you find it.
Hang on for the first few days and soon you'll feel a lot better, at that point you can start thinking about how this is going to work long term.
It's nice to have you here.
P
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
As usual, ditto ditto what BerryBean said.
I'd also add another aspect that I found, and might be a common one for you - when you stop drinking, you see what the underlying problems are related to a lot of things, your mental health included. Anxiety, depression and symptoms related to dx like bipolar and Borderline (mine) are often masquerading around and are most definitely conflated with alcoholism. I have found that my borderline behavior was most definitely my alcoholic behavior- and through my (AA-er here, too) recovery program I really don't give a thought to whether BPD is even the correct dx. My thought process and behaviors have changed due to my diligent work in AA. A lot of us alcoholics, when sober and in recovery, suffer from various degrees of anxiety (I do, though mine is more of the "normal people" variety not GAD) and we learn better ways to cope, which can mean both new habits of behavior and medicine (I do have a script for anti-anx meds and take as needed).
Getting the alcohol out of the way makes room for you to deal frankly and directly with everything else in your mind and body.
Good luck.
I'd also add another aspect that I found, and might be a common one for you - when you stop drinking, you see what the underlying problems are related to a lot of things, your mental health included. Anxiety, depression and symptoms related to dx like bipolar and Borderline (mine) are often masquerading around and are most definitely conflated with alcoholism. I have found that my borderline behavior was most definitely my alcoholic behavior- and through my (AA-er here, too) recovery program I really don't give a thought to whether BPD is even the correct dx. My thought process and behaviors have changed due to my diligent work in AA. A lot of us alcoholics, when sober and in recovery, suffer from various degrees of anxiety (I do, though mine is more of the "normal people" variety not GAD) and we learn better ways to cope, which can mean both new habits of behavior and medicine (I do have a script for anti-anx meds and take as needed).
Getting the alcohol out of the way makes room for you to deal frankly and directly with everything else in your mind and body.
Good luck.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
