LilyCat

Hi. My mom has been an alcoholic for the last 30+ years. She gets drunk almost everyday. In recent years, she has been horrible. She got into an severe one-car accident while intoxicated a few years ago. She has broken her hip and collar bone during separate drinking incidents.

She passed out in a public location recently while watching my nephew, and is now awaiting her court date. Since her arrest, she started going to AA, counseling, and was able to quit drinking for about a month. I think it was mostly because she wants to look like she is trying to minimize her punishment when she goes to court.

This past month she has been drinking on and off again, but still attends AA meetings / counseling. She tries to drink secretly. My dad has gotten rid of all of the liquor in the house and taken away her car keys, but she has a secret stash and still manages to drink to the point where she passes out. Last night she was so desperate for alcohol that she started drinking rubbing alcohol. She started vomiting blood and convulsing. She went to the ER. She is home now.

My dad always makes excuses for her and tries to cover up her drinking problem, so she never really gets the help she needs. In fact, he almost did not take her to the hospital yesterday even after she was convulsing, because he was too afraid hospital might report it and the court would find out. My siblings convinced him that if he doesn't, her court date won't matter if she is dead, so he finally took her. However, he always lies to the doctors whenever she goes in for treatment to convince them that this is a one time thing. In his mind, he thinks he is helping her by covering things up.

I talked to my mom calmly this morning (when she was not drunk), and told her she has a choice to make. Only she can decide whether to get back on the path to quit drinking, and that if she does not, I am afraid she will not be alive much longer. I also told her she has my support if she decides to quit drinking. She just said ok, she will try.

I know I can not control her actions, but if she keeps drinking, is there anything I can do to help her? Or do I just have to sit back and watch her drink herself to death?

Mountainmanbob

Seems that you have done what you can do. Hopefully she will get into the court system soon. Some actually get a desire to stop drinking once they get locked up. The key word there -- some.

Mountainmanbob

firebolt

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you've been through with her!

You are exactly right - you can't control her actions. BUT, you don't have to watch it. You are allowed to say - I can't watch you kill yourself, and I can't go through the self inflicted hospital and court nightmares with you anymore.

Hell, you don't even have to say that - you can just stop visiting her.

That is easy for me to say - I have never had to block a parent from my life.

There is a chance that her loosing some things.... her freedom, the ability to drive, HER KID...would wake her up and help her to take action for herself, but please, PLEASE don't bank all of your hop on it.

I'm so sorry - please take care of yourself and treat yourself well.

LexieCat

If she KEEPS drinking, there really isn't much you can do, other than tell her you love her and want to keep her around.

I've had to step away from loved ones who refused to stop drinking--no parents, but two partners. One got sober when I stepped away, and he's remained sober for the past 36 years. The other never quit drinking. No way to know for sure which way it will go.

If it hurts you to watch her kill herself, you can step away, too. You can do it kindly and tell her if she's ever ready to do the work you'll support her.

Hugs, I can imagine how difficult this is.

LilyCat

Thank you all for your replies. I was afraid that's what the answer would be. So it sounds like there is not much i can do other than protect myself and hope for the best.