MissEffy

My boyfriend that I live with just got out of rehab for alcoholism recently. Ever since he got out his attitude towards me has done a 180. We have been friends for 2 years before we started dating. He was always very caring of others, always made me feel special, and helped me get out of a rough situation with my ex. Now he is very cold and distant. He does not tell me he loves me anymore, does not kiss me, does not even like me touching him. He will talk to everyone else but not me. I have been trying to address the issue with him and asked if he still wanted to be with me but do our own thing, or just break up. He refuses to talk to me about that. I'm at a loss what to do. Should I just continue to be supportive and be with him or just abruptly break it off because he doesn't seem to want to acknowledge me. I feel very horrible that I became a codependent but I did encourage him to get sober without forcing it on him, went to the hospital every time he suffered a withdrawal, always talked to him about any issue he had, and was the one that encouraged him to follow his dreams. I want to work things out with him when he is ready, but I refuse to be in a dying relationship with no communication

LexieCat

I wouldn't assume the relationship is necessarily dying, but it's definitely going to go through a transition. You certainly aren't obligated to stick around if it's bringing you down, but early sobriety is a time of heavy shifting and rearrangement of the personality, so people need a lot of room to do that. The relationship may, or may not, improve as he gets further along in his recovery (assuming he continues with it). No guarantees, but then, there never are any guarantees. The person you were with was someone under the influence. You don't really KNOW "sober him" yet.

You might find it easier if you spent some time apart and put some effort into your own recovery.

Nata1980

+1 on spending time apart for the sake of clarity

dandylion

MissEFFY.....I am willing to bet the kid's milk money that he resented your Co-dependency, anyway---even if you were always doing thing For him. (they always do).....

If it were me..knowing what I know about the misery of living with a recovering alcoholic...I would just break up with him. Especially, if he is not even able to talk to you about it.

But that is me...lol.
You know how much misery you are willing to live with.....

dandylion

NYCDoglvr

Early sobriety (really the first year), can be very tough. I described it as 24/7 PMS in a full moon. You must decide if the relationship works for YOU, not him, and take whatever actions necessary.

AnvilheadII

people JUST out of rehab are very confused. their minds aren't right, their whole world has been turned upside down, and they have to learn so many things all over again - how to get thru a day without alcohol.

they are raw, possible a bit hostile. crabby. and then there's this chipper, upbeat person who wants to TALK, and HUG, and act like everything is ok. it's like still being hungover in many ways.....things are just TOO MUCH.

so back off, don't make any rash decisions, let him be. more shall be revealed, but probably not all by 4pm tomorrow. good luck!