Should I Stay or Should I Go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
Should I Stay or Should I Go
OK. It is kind of funny that I just replied to a thread from WantToBeHealthy about making decisions. I now need to make my own. I need to churn this around.
I went to look at a place to rent. The property manager is actually someone I worked with who happens to be my boss's sister-in-law. She is actually an AWESOME lady, love her.
She has a unit for rent that I have been inquiring about for some time. I saw it tonight and I loved it. Tons of storage, garage, very cool grounds, loved the layout of the house, in much better repair and has more customer features and a homier feel than mine.
The con is that it is $300/more a month. I am OK to pay that much for something I like. I can afford it. My problem is sometimes I am impulsive, make a decision and then regret it. I can budget better. I do spend money frivolously.
I think I am regretting mostly bringing my mom to look at it with me. She was so quick to point out all the negatives. It's more money, you have to walk up stairs to do laundry (I do that now anyways), you could pay off your student loan quicker (true), it's farther from her where we are close now (although I would see her every day because she is taking my son to school with me while she takes my niece that she adopted). I would have to get up about 15 minutes earlier to get my son to her house in time and me to work, but it really is only 4 miles further than the 1 mile I am away from her already.
I love the feel of the place. I feel like it could be a fresh place with fresh memories for my son and I without the presence of his Dad. And if I commit to this , it's a done deal, no going back. The place does background checks and I am sure the ex wouldn't even pass it.
Thanks for letting me type it out once again.
I went to look at a place to rent. The property manager is actually someone I worked with who happens to be my boss's sister-in-law. She is actually an AWESOME lady, love her.
She has a unit for rent that I have been inquiring about for some time. I saw it tonight and I loved it. Tons of storage, garage, very cool grounds, loved the layout of the house, in much better repair and has more customer features and a homier feel than mine.
The con is that it is $300/more a month. I am OK to pay that much for something I like. I can afford it. My problem is sometimes I am impulsive, make a decision and then regret it. I can budget better. I do spend money frivolously.
I think I am regretting mostly bringing my mom to look at it with me. She was so quick to point out all the negatives. It's more money, you have to walk up stairs to do laundry (I do that now anyways), you could pay off your student loan quicker (true), it's farther from her where we are close now (although I would see her every day because she is taking my son to school with me while she takes my niece that she adopted). I would have to get up about 15 minutes earlier to get my son to her house in time and me to work, but it really is only 4 miles further than the 1 mile I am away from her already.
I love the feel of the place. I feel like it could be a fresh place with fresh memories for my son and I without the presence of his Dad. And if I commit to this , it's a done deal, no going back. The place does background checks and I am sure the ex wouldn't even pass it.
Thanks for letting me type it out once again.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I replied to your note on my thread and said I thought we sounded similar ish in the inclination to be impulsive at times 
But it sounds to me like you have thought a lot about the pros and cons and reasons for the move and your idea to have your mom come with you to check it out tomorrow is really a good one!
I spent a lot of time this summer re-purposing, throwing away, re-organizing and re-arranging spaces in my home (that I once shared with xAH) and making it JUST mine and my girls...
Nothing in the world is nicer than a space that is a home that is peaceful and pleasant and just your own for you and your child(ren).
I think the last statements you made about having a space that is just yours and a fresh start are WELL worth the extra monthly cost... you can't put a price on peace!
But it sounds to me like you have thought a lot about the pros and cons and reasons for the move and your idea to have your mom come with you to check it out tomorrow is really a good one!
I spent a lot of time this summer re-purposing, throwing away, re-organizing and re-arranging spaces in my home (that I once shared with xAH) and making it JUST mine and my girls...
Nothing in the world is nicer than a space that is a home that is peaceful and pleasant and just your own for you and your child(ren).
I think the last statements you made about having a space that is just yours and a fresh start are WELL worth the extra monthly cost... you can't put a price on peace!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
No, she came with me and I think she shouldn't have. While I loved it in my own mind, she made me start doubting it.
I have looked at lots of places. I look continuously all the time, because I love real estate, I watch the markets because I want to buy but can't afford it here right now.
The place is much larger and nicer than many that are renting right now. The manager assured me the rent would not increase for at least a few years (she has been the manager 10 years). The grounds are way nicer than where I am now (community rec room, big pool, two jacuzzis. It is 1695 for a 2 bedroom townhome, whereas something similar might go for 1800-2000 right now in the area I live.
I like where I am at OK. But, it doesn't have nice finishes and what not. The landlord is very nice. She doesn't bother me.
The other part is moving sucks. Haha.
I have looked at lots of places. I look continuously all the time, because I love real estate, I watch the markets because I want to buy but can't afford it here right now.
The place is much larger and nicer than many that are renting right now. The manager assured me the rent would not increase for at least a few years (she has been the manager 10 years). The grounds are way nicer than where I am now (community rec room, big pool, two jacuzzis. It is 1695 for a 2 bedroom townhome, whereas something similar might go for 1800-2000 right now in the area I live.
I like where I am at OK. But, it doesn't have nice finishes and what not. The landlord is very nice. She doesn't bother me.
The other part is moving sucks. Haha.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Moving DOES suck. But it sounds like this would be a move "up" in many ways. And a place where you can be comfortable and safe for years to come.
I think moms sometimes feel obligated to play devil's advocate. To them, we are still kids who haven't quite thought everything through (I know I do that with my own grown kids--very hard to let go of).
An extra 300 a month doesn't sound to me at all outrageous for something that will make you happy.
I think moms sometimes feel obligated to play devil's advocate. To them, we are still kids who haven't quite thought everything through (I know I do that with my own grown kids--very hard to let go of).
An extra 300 a month doesn't sound to me at all outrageous for something that will make you happy.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I agree with Lexie.
Its very important to be somewhere that makes you happy after a break up, if possible.
I think the regret would be to follow your mom's lead and NOT get it. Mom's can be devil's advocate for sure......she isn't the one who is going to live there, YOU are.
Do what's best for you and your child - sounds like a happy place. Go for it!
Its very important to be somewhere that makes you happy after a break up, if possible.
I think the regret would be to follow your mom's lead and NOT get it. Mom's can be devil's advocate for sure......she isn't the one who is going to live there, YOU are.
Do what's best for you and your child - sounds like a happy place. Go for it!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
It sounds like a nice place. Got a friend you could show it to instead of mom? Good friends will be honest without being hurtful in ways that moms are not. In the scheme of things, and my opinion only, $300 more a month is worth it for a safe , nice place with extra amenities. Peace.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
I may be reading too much between the lines here, but I sense there is some dysfunction between you and your mom.
In my case, I learned many years ago (I didn't always do it), that "Don't ask, don't tell" was the best policy when it came to involving my family of origin in any decision making.
This sounds like a great opportunity for you.
In my case, I learned many years ago (I didn't always do it), that "Don't ask, don't tell" was the best policy when it came to involving my family of origin in any decision making.
This sounds like a great opportunity for you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Idk, I think it sounds kind of perfect & you sound really happy when you describe it. The only negative I'm hearing from you, really, is the extra $300 because it technically *could* be used in other ways in your budget. But $300 isn't so much that it can't be made up in other ways in the budget sometimes too - a little trim here & there to different expense items adds up. And overall, your happiness is the most important thing here, a clean break/fresh start in a happy place sounds wonderful.
Good luck deciding!
Good luck deciding!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Eauchiche 
I may be reading too much between the lines here, but I sense there is some dysfunction between you and your mom.
In my case, I learned many years ago (I didn't always do it), that "Don't ask, don't tell" was the best policy when it came to involving my family of origin in any decision making.
This sounds like a great opportunity for you.
In my case, I learned many years ago (I didn't always do it), that "Don't ask, don't tell" was the best policy when it came to involving my family of origin in any decision making.
This sounds like a great opportunity for you.
She also owns her own house. Whenever I move into amywhere she complains about it to some degree. Even the place I live now. Those fixtures are ugly, the bathroom is gross, etc. She has the luxury of updating her home as she sees fit. I rent. I did let her know last night that I really liked it.
I might ask to go see it one more time, alone.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 11
I love my mom with all of my heart, & she would give the shirt off her back for her kids, but I tend to limit my time with her & do not ask her advice when it comes to financial decisions. She is scared to take a chance with ANYTHING & can be a very negative person. I say go for it!!! Imagine you & your son living your lives in that new place, without the stress of your ex. You have a lifetime of happiness ahead of you!!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Eauchicke......"Don't ask; Don't tell".....is such a wonderful policy for difficult family members!!!
Also.....only sharing information with others (sensitive information) should be on a "Need to know" basis, only!
dandylion
Also.....only sharing information with others (sensitive information) should be on a "Need to know" basis, only!
dandylion
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
something i think you should do, and how i learned to do it:
get pen and paper and make a pros and cons list.
after my 1st surgery to carve out cancer and a visit with my oncologist, he gave me 3 options for the next course of action- do nothing, clinical trial, or interfuron for a year.
so i sat down with pen and paper and wrote out the pros and cons of each choice. istopped the pros and cons rattling around in my melon and got them down where i could see them.
made the decision a LOT easier.
get pen and paper and make a pros and cons list.
after my 1st surgery to carve out cancer and a visit with my oncologist, he gave me 3 options for the next course of action- do nothing, clinical trial, or interfuron for a year.
so i sat down with pen and paper and wrote out the pros and cons of each choice. istopped the pros and cons rattling around in my melon and got them down where i could see them.
made the decision a LOT easier.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
You actually sound like you have already made up your mind but that your mom cast doubt on this for you. That's Ok, she's entitled to her opinion and I think she's just trying to be helpful in making sure you see all the pros and cons.
If you have the money to do so and if it's something YOU want to do, why not go for it? I'm trying to learn this very same lesson when it comes to my career path. I've had people tell me I'm crazy and that even if I work super hard, I will most likely fail. Well, I won't know unless I try and you won't know if this could have been the perfect place to make a fresh start if you don't at least TRY.
Hugs to you.
If you have the money to do so and if it's something YOU want to do, why not go for it? I'm trying to learn this very same lesson when it comes to my career path. I've had people tell me I'm crazy and that even if I work super hard, I will most likely fail. Well, I won't know unless I try and you won't know if this could have been the perfect place to make a fresh start if you don't at least TRY.
Hugs to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
I am going to ask to go view it alone, just me and my son.
He hasn't seen it. He didn't want to go. I told him about it and he said he wanted to move there, so he isn't adverse to moving. In his 6 short years, we have moved to 4 places. The last 2 we have been in just a little over 2 years each. I feel like I could live in this new place for quite a while. Has a very homey feel, and is really much nicer than mine.
I think I will eventually want to leave where I live. I am not in love with it. And if I wait longer, then the rent will just continue to go up in the area I am living in. It has gone up significantly in the past few years.
I can totally afford it. My job is very stable. I can still save almost the same amount of money and just lower my weekly budget to live on, which is doable. As I mentioned, I spend money eating out, and usually pay for 3 people. Now, it will just be myself and my son. Nobody at the house while I am working all day mowing thru my food/supplies.
The grounds are so much nicer too. A huge, nice pool, 2 saunas (one with a waterfall), a super nice rec room.
He hasn't seen it. He didn't want to go. I told him about it and he said he wanted to move there, so he isn't adverse to moving. In his 6 short years, we have moved to 4 places. The last 2 we have been in just a little over 2 years each. I feel like I could live in this new place for quite a while. Has a very homey feel, and is really much nicer than mine.
I think I will eventually want to leave where I live. I am not in love with it. And if I wait longer, then the rent will just continue to go up in the area I am living in. It has gone up significantly in the past few years.
I can totally afford it. My job is very stable. I can still save almost the same amount of money and just lower my weekly budget to live on, which is doable. As I mentioned, I spend money eating out, and usually pay for 3 people. Now, it will just be myself and my son. Nobody at the house while I am working all day mowing thru my food/supplies.
The grounds are so much nicer too. A huge, nice pool, 2 saunas (one with a waterfall), a super nice rec room.
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