Findec

New here I have read posts before.

Anyway, feeling terrible 36 hours in. I work constantly and feel like I am about to collapse. I had been drinking every night for the past year 5-9 beers per night. occasionally binge on whatever. I have done this before. Quit for a month or two then back on this cycle. Just so tired of it, but I feel so terrible at the moment. Three nights ago I had a terrible experience that no one would ever believe and in fact I am not sure myself. However, it scared me and I know I have to stop now . Just felt like I needed to type this out. I know I will get thru this. But I dunno just had to do this I dont know why.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad that you have decided to stop drinking. Don't hesitate to get medical help if you feel you need it, because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. Do you have a plan to help you stay sober?

Soberwolf

Hi Findec

Findec

Not really. I just plan on never doing it ever again. I mean EVER. I had quite a fear the other night. Something I have never had before. From years of drinking off and on. I don't even really want to think about it. I know I have 10 pints sitting on the kitchen table right now. I want them there. I want to see them everyday and night. I literally hate them, and what they have done to me. I think seeing them is my motivation. I could be foolish tho.

Findec

Hi

fgo

Hi findec
Maybe join us in the August class, we are all at the same place you are.

Findec

August class, ok will do. I appreciate the Invitation.

hpdw

Welcome Findec , glad your here wanting to get sober . I personally don't think its wise to have your booze sitting on the kitchen table .

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Findec!!

Findec

It may not be. I may find myself pouring them down the drain later. I was almost in tears at my weakness late last night. I literally sat there staring at them wanting so bad to open one just to sleep. I maybe torturing myself unnecessarily? I dunno. I didnt open one tho. I can not even describe how bad I wanted to just down one and get a couple of hours of sleep before work. I feel completely miserable. During the day (like now) They make me sick to look at them, but as night creeps in they become seductive. I figure if I can look at them and never open one I may just make it thru this. I dont know only time will tell I suppose?

Ooona

Oooo, that temptation is liking toying with the devil for me. I had to get rid of everything, I mean everything that reminded me of alcohol. So many triggers for me, right down to the glass I drank out of.
ha, I just remembered something. My husband poured out the last of the liquor, some rum in the freezer and dang I got mad at him ( protecting my supply ??? lol). Now Im grateful he did but at the time I was seriously TICKED off at him for a bit!
Anyways I wish you only the best and welcome to our ' Choosing to be happy, healthy, joyous and FREE' group!
Be blessed.

Findec

Oh, it is toying with the devil I suppose. I just feel like if I can beat it face to face there is nothing I cant overcome. The immense feeling of wanting to give in is almost unbearable. I feel like I need this tho? I cannot explain. I could be so wrong and rush into the Kitchen any moment and give the devil his due as to say. Logic tells me to do this. Pour them down the sink immediately but something else tells me to face them. I am in a quite perplexed state about it. TYSM for your wishes. I wish you and everyone the best as well.

Soberwolf

Pour it away let yourself know you mean business brother

Here's a excellent link to building a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Ooona

yes yes I so understand the indecision of what to do what to do. My chirpers ( addiction) speak to me and says, yeah just leave it there but my intellectual reasoning brain that wants whats best for me says, THROW THAT SH** OUT babygirl!!
Anyways, personally I got intense pleasure throwing it all away and pouring that poison that wants to kill me straight away down the sink!
Besides I cant drink now any darn way since I threw out my favorite drinking vessel now can I ? haha! Seriously though, dont let the chirping voice put you in a bad situation my friend. Hasnt had good outcomes for me in the past.

Dee74

Hi and welcoem findec.

Pour it away and consider it not only an investment in your recovery, but a flag stuck in the ground...today is Independence Day?

D

SoberBike

Welcome Findec! I was the same as you at the beginning and we had similar drinking patterns. I, like you, just got sick of living that type of lifestyle. I made a resolve to give up the drink and just over 2.5 years I'm still sober - Thank God. I have tough moments where I just want to give in and star again, but I've learned how to now deal with all of those feelings. Give it some sober time and you won't regret this decision!! Good Luck and stick with it!!

Quincy

Welcome. I personally wouldn't put myself through the angst of having the beers there. It sounds like you can't decide, but if you were to pour them down the sink then you wouldn't have to worry about whether or not to do it because it would be done.

Findec

Just checking in. I appreciate all the replys. I have now made it to the 48 hour Mark. Wow.. I actually fell alseep for an hour earlier. Which I severely needed. Will I sleep tonight? Nope... I dont see it happening but in that 1 hour I had the most rest I felt in a year. Even tho it was filled with insane dreams. I know they say you cannot have dreams that quickly but I swear they came fast. Probably because I am completely exhausted. The Anxiety is pretty bad but doesnt feel as bad as last night. However, the long night has really just begun. Its so weird I can make it thru work and everything but I cant muster the strength to shave and barely brush my teeth. Wow, what a weakening sight I am. This has to get better. I will probably tomorrow if I make it thru the night of pouring the drinks down the sink and celebrate it.

Ooona

Fantastic!! Oh I so know how good it feels to get that rest.....finally!
Keep it up, post and read here as often as possible.
Im still hoping you'll decide to pour that poison down the drain
then yes....Celebrate your choice to take back your life!

Findec

At the 64th hour sober. I am a nervous wreck but still can somehow function. Work ethic even tired is great. As I am told. Everything is extremely loud and aggravating tho. Feel Jittery and slightly ill. Minor body aches and feeling abit warm. I havent poured them down just yet. I had a real challenge an hour ago however, and I pulled thru. I was invited out by friends to go eat and of course down beers which when we do this leads to a party later in the night. The party usually consists of people drinking doing drugs etc and various people having sex. Then the rumor mill the next day. Until the next fiasco. I just am to old for this anymore and I dont want it in my life. However knowing I will be sitting at home alone is depressing while everyone else will be getting hammered and laid. I really need to find new friends, go back to church, and exercising more. I don't like who I have become. Thank you all for listening it means alot too me.