HopeandFaith1

But maybe has been happening for a while. 20+ year alcoholic here. Have almost 70 days sober. Husband is still drinking. More heavily lately. We've been through some bad stuff. Had a breast cancer scare this year and we lost two close family members in two months. And I stopped drinking.

We've been fighting a lot since I quit. I've been more introverted and feel like I need more space. My husband can be overwhelming. Last night he tied on a good one and was being an ass which annoyed me. I wanted peace and quiet. But he finally went to bed and I didn't bicker with him while he was drunk. But we had a big fight today and he slammed on his brakes on the highway causing my knee caps to hit the dash hard. He hurt me. That is something new.

Day was ruined so we sadly came back home and he's taken off again. I don't know what to do. I feel very tired and sad. We've been married almost 16 years. No kids just dogs. We've had some really good times. Bad ones too. Please say a prayer for us or send good thoughts. Thank you. By the way I am not in the least tempted to drink I am just heartbroken.

madgirl

I am sorry - that sounds painful. Please do not get in a vehicle with him if he has been drinking, and protect yourself. Resist engaging when he starts picking a fight - he can't fight with himself.

HopeandFaith1

He hasn't been drinking today. He pulled that stunt sober. That's actually a little scarier. Thank you Madgirl. This is a very bad day.

Soberwolf

I'm sorry things were like that know we have strong women who have been through this at SR and will help you better than I can but again I'm sorry that happened x

Elicia08

(((Daisy))). So sorry you're having a hard time. Thinking of you and sending a little prayer your way...

HopeandFaith1

Thank you SW. Any support helps more than you know. I am also sorry and very confused by how things are going.

HopeandFaith1

Thank you very much Elicia.

AnvilheadII

sweets, if he tied one on last nite, he is hardly SOBER today....just not having a drink IN your hand does not make you sober. i'm sorry he hurt you. but don't brush it off. the more sober time you get, the more sometimes painful things you are going to see. don't be afraid.

EndGameNYC

I'm sorry to read about all this. I can't imagine what it's like living that way.

Emotional and verbal abuse is still abuse. And the brake-slamming thing, well, that's abuse at a whole different level.

You can't do anything about your husband, but I hope you can find a way to get help for yourself.

Delilah1

I'm so sorry Daisy, sending love and prayers your way.

Anna

Daisy, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I'm sure you are heartbroken, especially when you're working so hard on your own recovery. I, too, needed more peace and quiet time when I began recovery, so I sure understand your feelings about that. The fact is, your husband hurt you on purpose, and that's not okay, ever. Please take care of yourself. This link explains what abuse is and following that is more information:

http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support (US)

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Canada: Home « HotPeachPages International
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers

Hevyn

Daisy, I will keep you & your husband in my prayers. I've been in this awful situation too. I'm glad you wanted to talk about it with us. I hope it helps to know others are sharing some of the pain.

D122y

70 days sober for me was a bad time.

I was a mental wreck. I didn't even join SR until i was 80 days sober...i thought i was going crazy from the anxiety...

No matter, your husband is still drinking...that means it is...anything can happen time....imo...

If he is daily drinking...he is living in a fantasy world...we both know that...

Even when he is sober...he is still under the influence...

Dealing w drunks daily is tough. I work directly w a drunk and I have to be careful what I say and do...he can blow up at the drop of a hat over anything...

HopeandFaith1

Thank you all very much for your insight and prayers. Lots of meaningful input has been shared here. We are at an uneasy truce. I am truly bummed. For many years I was the problem drunk in our relationship. Not necessarily abusive but very messy and destructive. The last six months I drank I started to become verbally abusive which is a big reason I stopped. Among others. So now I am just confused. Is it wrong to be so angry with him when I was the bad one for so long, and many, many times he displayed extraordinary amounts of forgiveness. But still at what point can I enjoy a peaceful life. I don't want to be scared and miserable anymore. That's why I quit drinking!

Yet 67 days is very early yet and it's no wonder things are so messy. Especially with his drinking increasing since I quit. I have a lot to think about and sort out. I don't want this to be a new normal. I am sad and scared.

HopeandFaith1

As an interesting side note, we went out to dinner tonight. For a change of scenery. I noticed a very old fella by himself waiting for a table. He had a WWII vet cap on. We struck up a conversation and invited him to join us. He gladly accepted. 92 years old, his wife recently passed after 68 years of marriage. He told us a lot about his life and the war. He was fascinating. I think it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, for me anyway, to talk to this man. There are not a lot of these guys left. Definitely helped get out of my own miserable head. What an exhausting roller coaster of a day it's been. I do feel blessed I met a new friend.

Hevyn

Daisy - that was a lovely thing to do. I have a few WWII vets in my family. I'm sure that meant so much to him.

PurpleKnight

That's amazing Daisy!!

Anna

Daisy, I found that I was truly surprised and even disturbed by some of the things I realized about myself and my life when I began recovery. I wasn't the person I thought I was, the person I pretended to be. And, in many ways that was good, but it ways it was unsettling. Have you talked to your husband about what happened and how it made you feel?

HopeandFaith1

We were totally honored that he wanted to eat with us - this guy really had some stories to tell. It sure beat what would have otherwise been an awkward evening of us just picking at our food and tiptoeing around each other (due to the big fight earlier). It really was a blessing.

HopeandFaith1

Yes I sure did. I asked (ok yelled) if hurting the wife was the new standard in our relationship, because that wasn't going to fly. He swore up and down he did not do it with that intent in mind, but just wanted the arguing to stop...I think he is just as sad and confused as I am. The fallout from all of it was intense, it was really painful for us both, I am sure.