BeachPlease

My Lord, AH only works TWO days a week now and can't get up on time for his second day of his "work week".

He's got molasses in his a**, and I'm ready for him to leave for the day. This is the only day I have the house to myself, because I work M-F.

Just had to vent for a minute.

dandylion

Dear Beach.....Am I hearing you say: "This partnership does not have the equity that I would like." ....?
"It feels unequal to me, and I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick, in this regard".
If I am warm about this.....may I ask--have the two of you discussed your feelings about this and the impact that this is having on your feelings about the marriage? How does he feel about all of this?

dandylion

BeachPlease

Dandylion, you're spot on, that is exactly how I feel. More than once in the last year or so, I've asked him to help me more with finances. I've let him know the bills are piling up. He says ok he's looking for something full time....but he's sleeping when I get home almost daily now. He's full of it and I'm unable to turn a blind eye anymore. I haven't asked him to help in months because I shouldn't have to. All I'm doing now is trying to save money to leave and going through this house taking mental inventory of what I need.

dandylion

Beach...Gotchya! You are, mentally, much farther along than I realized.

I think that once one has made a decision and is headed toward the door...the daily irritations that we once were able to overlook....become even more irritating than ever before!!

dandylion

Refiner

Hopefully you're in t
The homestretch to get away from his drunk lazy @SS very soon. You seem to talk about how the bills are piling up and he only works 2 days a week - don't you think your bills would be lowered without him around to support? Do you own a house or rent? How many debts have both your names on them? Do you have children together? Just trying to see the full picture. You may be surprised at how your bill load (AND stress / resentment) is lessened without him around draining the finances and emotions. Sounds like he knows that, too (in his pity-party he threw for himself). What keeps you from agreeing with him?

BeachPlease

My bills would definitely be lowered. His house. Bills are in my name. Guess why? You got it, he owes the utilities money. No kids together, but we each have one. My kid is in college in a nearby city. His kid is younger, and will most likely be affected by their relationship. She doesn't realize he drinks yet. She just thinks he's sleepy.

Pity and guilt kept me around longer than I should have stayed. He doesn't ask me what's wrong. He knows what's wrong and I think he's just happy each day I don't fuss about money. I feel like he is a dependent, which kills any attraction toward him. I've discussed depression with him, asked him to go to AA, all that. He said he'd go to a meeting. Nope. He says whatever to shut me up when I get to talking about real life. It has become insulting now.

All I'm doing is trying to save money and looking for an apartment that will accept me and my now bad credit score.

Expanding

I feel like I could've written this myself. When we enter a relationship we want a partner, not someone to take care of and you're absolutely right it kills the attraction. Try to bring up real life issues and forget it, you're nagging, acting like a bully, it's not a good time, whatever...

It works at first, them saying what they think you want to hear... but then we get smart to it when we realize the actions don't match the words. I understand how you feel about it feeling insulting... its certainly crazy making.

NYCDoglvr

When I finally got to the point of acceptance that the alcoholic wasn't going to change, Alanon taught me that if I want a different life I had to change, first my attitudes then my words and actions. Turns out the problem wasn't the alcoholic, it was me. I picked him and stayed much too long.

Refiner

Thanks for the reply, BP. Sounds like your pity and guilt has finally turned the corner into seeing him as pathetic and having resentment. Good to be having your exit strategy going like you are. What a drain on you.