Update: I failed.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Update: I failed.
Drove to the meeting. Got there 6 minutes late. Walked to the door and saw everyone inside. Backed away.
Cried as I drove myself home.
Took a bath and did some Netflix binging (since I can't seem to sleep now)...
So pathetic.
Fail.
Cried as I drove myself home.
Took a bath and did some Netflix binging (since I can't seem to sleep now)...
So pathetic.
Fail.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Western New York
Posts: 34
Not a failure at all!! I don't live near any meetings so I can't go, I wish I could. Having said that, I know how difficult it must be to go to your first one. You didn't go home and drink! You watched Netflix, that's a huge success!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
KGR, some people came in my last meeting late and they apologized. One of the other people spoke right up and said "We care if you're late, we just want you here"
Think about that, that is what support is all about, and that is what AA is all about.
Think about that, that is what support is all about, and that is what AA is all about.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
Hang in there! As others have said, you didn't drink so that's a win in my book. I'm chicken to go to a meeting by myself. Have a friend I could reach out to who would take me to my first meeting but so far I've been chicken to do that too. Keep posting and keep not picking up that drink. It'll happen when you're ready...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Deep South
Posts: 12
Thank you so much for posting, kgr... you brought back a great memory and a smile. Not a laugh at you, but rather a recollection of how I used to feel back then.
That unfounded fear that everyone else thought just like me. Walking in late was a huge fear because everybody was going to judge me, know that I was irresponsible, that I was going to be the center of attention, that they would know that I was useless, unreliable, disorganized, disheveled, not worthy. Those were my thoughts; they couldn't be further from the actual truth.
It took me a little while to realize that everyone in that room wanted me there. They, too, were drunks... they just didn't drink any longer. And, during that one hour meeting (if not through all of their affairs) they wanted -- more than anything -- to help take that burden from anyone else suffering still under this horrid disease.
I can share with you only my perspective... I don't care if you are 59 minutes late... or if you meet me as I'm walking out of the meeting. I was once caught in that hell of active alcoholism and today I know two things: there is hope, and I don't have to do it alone.
But that's the way my old alcoholic brain worked too. Funny -- if I had a broken leg and got to the emergency room 6 minutes later than intended, I wouldn't turn around and leave. The help I absolutely need is still in that room. But, when it comes to my shattered self-image, those 6 minutes used to freeze me in thinking I wasn't worthy of my treatment for alcoholism. That's how my brain works; it's part of the insanity.
Definitely try again. The first word of the first step is "We." We have all been right there
That unfounded fear that everyone else thought just like me. Walking in late was a huge fear because everybody was going to judge me, know that I was irresponsible, that I was going to be the center of attention, that they would know that I was useless, unreliable, disorganized, disheveled, not worthy. Those were my thoughts; they couldn't be further from the actual truth.
It took me a little while to realize that everyone in that room wanted me there. They, too, were drunks... they just didn't drink any longer. And, during that one hour meeting (if not through all of their affairs) they wanted -- more than anything -- to help take that burden from anyone else suffering still under this horrid disease.
I can share with you only my perspective... I don't care if you are 59 minutes late... or if you meet me as I'm walking out of the meeting. I was once caught in that hell of active alcoholism and today I know two things: there is hope, and I don't have to do it alone.
But that's the way my old alcoholic brain worked too. Funny -- if I had a broken leg and got to the emergency room 6 minutes later than intended, I wouldn't turn around and leave. The help I absolutely need is still in that room. But, when it comes to my shattered self-image, those 6 minutes used to freeze me in thinking I wasn't worthy of my treatment for alcoholism. That's how my brain works; it's part of the insanity.
Definitely try again. The first word of the first step is "We." We have all been right there
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Yes Netflix is certainly not drinking which is a wonderful choice. Next time do your best to show up a little early. Usually members of Alcoholics Anonymous will do their best to make you feel comfortable and part of the group. I don't like to walk into meetings late either, but that is why I always show up early. Best of luck on your recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
The first few weeks of getting I sober I drove to AA a few times and couldn't even walk in the door and I left. Finally I made it in and it's getting a bit easier. Don't beat yourself up about it! Be gentle with yourself and try again. You stayed sober and that's #1!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
No, that's absolutely not a failure. You didn't drink.
You actually made the effort to at least go there, and if you knew how many people have turned and ran their first time even though they weren't even late...
Walking in late or even not late but everyone's already there is still uncomfortable for me so I'd try to get there earlier when only a few people are there. It's easier to talk to someone then, too because they might be more likely to recognize a new face.
It always makes me happy to see a new person show up. Late or not.
You actually made the effort to at least go there, and if you knew how many people have turned and ran their first time even though they weren't even late...
Walking in late or even not late but everyone's already there is still uncomfortable for me so I'd try to get there earlier when only a few people are there. It's easier to talk to someone then, too because they might be more likely to recognize a new face.
It always makes me happy to see a new person show up. Late or not.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
You feel silly going to AA right? So did I. Just think of how many times you made a complete fool of yourelf at parties drinking. Going to AA takes courage. You have that. Like Nike, just do it.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
You didn't fail kgr!
You didn't drink and there will be other meetings. Also, remember that you don't have to say anything at a meeting. You can just sit there and listen until you get more comfortable.
If you feel like you will be judged, don't think that way. Everyone is there for the same reason and have been in your shoes being a newbie at their first meeting.
You didn't drink and there will be other meetings. Also, remember that you don't have to say anything at a meeting. You can just sit there and listen until you get more comfortable.
If you feel like you will be judged, don't think that way. Everyone is there for the same reason and have been in your shoes being a newbie at their first meeting.
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