New layer
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New layer
There was a part of me that was still holding on to hope. That once it sunk in who he was now with, that he lost everything, that he would maybe at least consider he had a problem... that he lost everything because he didn't want to (couldn't) stop. That I was reacting to his drinking and am not normally a controlling, hovering, "**** on fly" type of girlfriend. That I'm normally happy and laugh, a lot, at things most people wouldn't even find funny. That I find pleasure in things like hearing the peepers at night and watching sunsets and the stars, that all I wanted was a genuine emotional connection. I thought he would see it, somewhere deep inside I still had hope.
This new layer is me releasing that hope. I believe me being in that house (moved out two weeks ago) held me back in that sense. I'm hearing that he's been bringing his new girl around (in reality she's bringing him around) and she is sort of just "there" and it sinks in... this is really who he is. He wants to be with someone who is going to let him do what he wants to do and cart him around. He doesn't want to be bothered with talks of health, the future or problems. He just wants to go out and forget whatever it is he's trying to forget. I could no longer be a player in his game. I no longer enabled him. Such a bittersweet realization. I know this is for the better but I feel such deep sorrow for who I used to be and for everyone who is living the life I used to live. It was no way to live, it was not real living.
I always put him first and when I didn't I felt enormous amounts of guilt. These dynamics are real. These aren't things that happened to other people. It happened to ME.
This new layer is me releasing that hope. I believe me being in that house (moved out two weeks ago) held me back in that sense. I'm hearing that he's been bringing his new girl around (in reality she's bringing him around) and she is sort of just "there" and it sinks in... this is really who he is. He wants to be with someone who is going to let him do what he wants to do and cart him around. He doesn't want to be bothered with talks of health, the future or problems. He just wants to go out and forget whatever it is he's trying to forget. I could no longer be a player in his game. I no longer enabled him. Such a bittersweet realization. I know this is for the better but I feel such deep sorrow for who I used to be and for everyone who is living the life I used to live. It was no way to live, it was not real living.
I always put him first and when I didn't I felt enormous amounts of guilt. These dynamics are real. These aren't things that happened to other people. It happened to ME.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd work real hard on letting go of that. Here's the risk: new g/f dumps him, he's lonely, and all of a sudden you are the fallback. He calls you, sends flowers, whatever, full of promises and saying all those things you wanted to hear.
If you are hanging onto that hope of yours, you will be susceptible to that manipulation. He won't REALLY have changed--it's just another way of getting his needs met. Guys like him have radar that detects vulnerability.
So yeah, I'd work on letting go of that.
If you are hanging onto that hope of yours, you will be susceptible to that manipulation. He won't REALLY have changed--it's just another way of getting his needs met. Guys like him have radar that detects vulnerability.
So yeah, I'd work on letting go of that.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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I think that there is a great human tendency to hang onto hope...even in the face of reality.....
LOl...I am not saying that I think that humans should give up all hope...I am just saying that we have to function in relation to reality...otherwise we shoot ourselves in the foot....
Be glad that you are able to give up some of the futile hope...some of us have held on to it for 30 or more years!!
How would you like that...?
dandylion
LOl...I am not saying that I think that humans should give up all hope...I am just saying that we have to function in relation to reality...otherwise we shoot ourselves in the foot....
Be glad that you are able to give up some of the futile hope...some of us have held on to it for 30 or more years!!
How would you like that...?
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
I feel so much better. That hope absolutely made me vulnerable and I made sure people knew that we were not to be in the same room together, ever lol. In hindsight that was smart of me because it would've been so much easier to go back had he approached me to do so. I feel my adverse reactions to any type of mutual correspondence is a sign from my soul that I need to stay away. One should not feel fear or anxiety when receiving a text from someone they would entertain having a relationship with...
I had a feeling as well that once I left the house of nightmares past that I would see more the reality, of how things ARE instead of how I wished they would be... still feels like swallowing glass. I played just as big a part in that fantasy.
Hope dies last. And it's been tested for a lot longer than the five months we've been separated.... years of hoping and wishing that things would change, that he would finally "get it". Time to let it go and be free. It's like a big weight lifted off my chest.
I had a feeling as well that once I left the house of nightmares past that I would see more the reality, of how things ARE instead of how I wished they would be... still feels like swallowing glass. I played just as big a part in that fantasy.
Hope dies last. And it's been tested for a lot longer than the five months we've been separated.... years of hoping and wishing that things would change, that he would finally "get it". Time to let it go and be free. It's like a big weight lifted off my chest.
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Location: Athens, Georgia
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The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the Joy of the Lord lasts FOREVER!
Let it Fade ... turn to the New Day ... the mercies of God are New Every Day ... New for the New Day ... NOT the withered grass and flowers that were gone with ... Yesterday ... turn to the New Day ... New direction ... a New Path of New Discovery. What is to be Discovered on the Path ahead? It will be difficult to be in full awareness by looking back to the yesterday that IS fading away, and trying to breathe Life into the withered grass.
Let it Fade ... turn to the New Day ... the mercies of God are New Every Day ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE
Let it Fade ... turn to the New Day ... the mercies of God are New Every Day ... New for the New Day ... NOT the withered grass and flowers that were gone with ... Yesterday ... turn to the New Day ... New direction ... a New Path of New Discovery. What is to be Discovered on the Path ahead? It will be difficult to be in full awareness by looking back to the yesterday that IS fading away, and trying to breathe Life into the withered grass.
Let it Fade ... turn to the New Day ... the mercies of God are New Every Day ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE
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Originally Posted by Expanding 
There was a part of me that was still holding on to hope. That once it sunk in who he was now with, that he lost everything, that he would maybe at least consider he had a problem... that he lost everything because he didn't want to (couldn't) stop. That I was reacting to his drinking and am not normally a controlling, hovering, "**** on fly" type of girlfriend. That I'm normally happy and laugh, a lot, at things most people wouldn't even find funny. That I find pleasure in things like hearing the peepers at night and watching sunsets and the stars, that all I wanted was a genuine emotional connection. I thought he would see it, somewhere deep inside I still had hope.
This new layer is me releasing that hope. I believe me being in that house (moved out two weeks ago) held me back in that sense. I'm hearing that he's been bringing his new girl around (in reality she's bringing him around) and she is sort of just "there" and it sinks in... this is really who he is. He wants to be with someone who is going to let him do what he wants to do and cart him around. He doesn't want to be bothered with talks of health, the future or problems. He just wants to go out and forget whatever it is he's trying to forget. I could no longer be a player in his game. I no longer enabled him. Such a bittersweet realization. I know this is for the better but I feel such deep sorrow for who I used to be and for everyone who is living the life I used to live. It was no way to live, it was not real living.
I always put him first and when I didn't I felt enormous amounts of guilt. These dynamics are real. These aren't things that happened to other people. It happened to ME.
This new layer is me releasing that hope. I believe me being in that house (moved out two weeks ago) held me back in that sense. I'm hearing that he's been bringing his new girl around (in reality she's bringing him around) and she is sort of just "there" and it sinks in... this is really who he is. He wants to be with someone who is going to let him do what he wants to do and cart him around. He doesn't want to be bothered with talks of health, the future or problems. He just wants to go out and forget whatever it is he's trying to forget. I could no longer be a player in his game. I no longer enabled him. Such a bittersweet realization. I know this is for the better but I feel such deep sorrow for who I used to be and for everyone who is living the life I used to live. It was no way to live, it was not real living.
I always put him first and when I didn't I felt enormous amounts of guilt. These dynamics are real. These aren't things that happened to other people. It happened to ME.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm hearing that he's been bringing his new girl around (in reality she's bringing him around) and she is sort of just "there" and it sinks in... this is really who he is. He wants to be with someone who is going to let him do what he wants to do and cart him around.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by Expanding
I had a feeling as well that once I left the house of nightmares past that I would see more the reality, of how things ARE instead of how I wished they would be... still feels like swallowing glass. I played just as big a part in that fantasy.
I so remember that feeling of swallowing glass as I let go of the fantasy. Not fun.
I remember going into a denial state. I would allow myself some kind of fantasy/story about how things would finally work out. I know this doesn't sound healthy but it did give me a break from the pain for a bit.
Courage, strength, supportive friends and the next right step to you Expanding!
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