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Higher Power Hide and Seek

Old 08-20-2016, 02:30 AM
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Higher Power Hide and Seek

I am still, 97 days into recovery stuck at step one. Where do I find this higher power?

1. The fellowship: It is nor really working for me. Listening to the same ostensibly funny stories of the same people sharing their experiences from their drunk days is not all that uplifting.

2. Science: As is evident from my SR name I am a great admirer of Charles Darwin and the theory of natural selection. Likewise Isaac Newton and Lawrence Krauss. But I do not think the third law of thermo-dynamics will become my higher power.

3. The Universe: This is a real possibility. There is so much of it, it keeps expanding and one day it will implode on itself and disappear. Striking thought. Yet, I am also part of this universe, I was stardust before I was born, still am and will be after my death. I can not be my own higher power. That is illogical.

4. My Ancestors: I live in Africa. Ancestors are worshipped with love and respect. I can relate to that. My late grandmother was the best person I have ever known and will ever know. Perhaps she can be my higher power.

The search continues. At least I have no desire to drink. If I remain like the proverbial lab rat rotating in step one for the rest I my life it will be fine as long as that continuum is sobriety.
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Old 08-20-2016, 04:19 AM
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I worked those steps and lost my desire and obsession to drink. Proof enough that something wants me alive (not me) and something is more powerful than I. Simple. I don't define it. Something wants me alive. Beautiful.

I would try not to over-think or over-complicate things!

Keep moving forward and keep staying stopped!

Congratulations on 97 sober days!!!
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Old 08-20-2016, 04:50 AM
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I like what you said about your grandmother.
She was and is what sounds like a lovely, kind,
caring, respectful women, lady, relative you'd
like to pattern your own life after.

I was raised and educated Catholic and
thus have Faith carried into my everyday
life. Entering recovery 26 yrs ago, I had to
listen, learn, absorb and apply all that was
and still is being taught to me thru AA and
all those who have lived a successful sober
life paving the way for me to continue to
follow.

It is thru their actions of kindness, generosity,
patience, caring, understanding, commitment,
responsibility in their own recovery life that
I have chosen to live my recovery life after.

Im in my late 50's so what I have learned
over the yrs and as a child to respect your
elders remains true all to the best of my
human sober ability. Times have changed
over the yrs and I see so many disrespect
others, elders, teachers, etc. that it saddens
me.

I try to treat others as Id want to be
treated and not too many follow that
teaching. Sooooo, if you find what you
want and like in your grandmother by
all means use it to your own advantage
to pattern the way you want to live your
own life after.

She lives within your heart and no one
can ever take that away from you. She
is that close to guiding you on your recovery
journey paving the way for you to remain
true to yourself and live with kindness
and care, respect towards yourself and
others.

She can be your HP as you grow and
strengthen your own spirituality in
recovery which will lead you to a Higher
Power of you own understanding that
also guided her thru her own life.

Your HP lives within your heart, mind
and soul everyday.
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Old 08-20-2016, 05:05 AM
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A higher power is like the wind. You know it is there because you can see evidence of it all around you. You can thrash around try to catch the wind, define the wind but the wind simply "IS."

The more I try to define my higher power the farther away it gets The more I see the manifestations of my higher power and just accept that it is there the more I feel it's power.

This post is a manifestation of that power. Two random people talking. I don't know if I have helped you but you have helped me
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Old 08-20-2016, 05:11 AM
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Congrats on day 97
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Old 08-20-2016, 06:14 AM
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imo, i dont think youre stuck on step1, which doesnt have anything to do with finding a higher power. that STARTS at step 2.
CAME to believe in a power greater than us could restore us to sanity.
have you read the chapter "we agnostics?"

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.


CAME to believe
by working tbe next 10 steps.
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Old 08-20-2016, 06:38 AM
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That universe? Have you tried stopping the sun from rising? Have you yelled at the rain and demanded it stop? What are the results from such an experiment? Of course there is a power greater than you. All it took for me was to admit I didn't have all the answers and I could not control much of anything at all in this life outside of my own behavior and thoughts, and that was enough to give me the humility to accept defeat from alcohol and my delusional thinking on many things.

Hm. Humility. There it is again.
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Old 08-20-2016, 06:57 AM
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I have a higher power who I call "not me". I was taught that all I have to do is seek a higher power and my life would change. Indeed it has.

Glad you are here.
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Old 08-20-2016, 07:10 AM
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It is clear that the 12 steps have worked for other members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Why don't you just try to work the steps and they will help you to have a complete psychic change and you will find a higher power of your own conception.
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Old 08-20-2016, 07:49 AM
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I started with similar complicated questions too, but somehow got the clue that I didn't have to figure it all out. I went on blind faith at first that "something" would help me and so I asked "it" for help although I didn't know what "it" was.

I also liked and used the wind analogy--I couldn't see "it" but saw its effects in my life.

In Step 2 it says "came to believe", and that's what happened for me. I didn't really believe right away that there was really anything there or that it could actually even help me; it was something that I came to and it happened gradually as I moved on working through the steps.
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Old 08-20-2016, 07:59 AM
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Sounds like you are talking more about fate biminiblue. That is a bit too nihilistic even for me. I have always relied on reason and would like to find reason in steps 2 and 3 too.
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:14 AM
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Hi Darwinia,

I have never looked at AA before and it s still early days for me to quit alcohol, but when I did quit drugs a few years ago, after a few months I just started feeling more connected with things around me.

Hard to explain it and as hippy as it sounds the trees and everything in nature kind of felt alive, I felt closer to people, felt things were always moving on my favour.

As I progress through quitting alcohol this time around I see the same feeling resurfacing, so I guess I'll join the crowd of the mysterious, invisible but present higher power.

If you like your science then physics is able to justify it if you push quantum entanglement to the limit, a bit geeky for this forum but maybe something to think about!

By the way very well done on 97 days, this is a number I am aiming for as it is the longest I've ever stayed sober (back when I quit drugs).

P
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:21 AM
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If you are looking for something that is logical and makes sense you are not going to find it. Just like alcoholism it doesn't make sense. Why I can't drink like other people I have no idea but that does not make it less true
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:26 AM
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Thanks PL, can't say I feel more connected. Perhaps that will still come. Social interaction is hard work. I do want to work the steps and do everything else available to ensure my best chance at long term sobriety. It is just difficult when ai find no logic in a concept.
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Darwinia View Post
Sounds like you are talking more about fate biminiblue. That is a bit too nihilistic even for me. I have always relied on reason and would like to find reason in steps 2 and 3 too.
No. Fate and control are two totally different things.

Do you not believe that there is a higher part of you that wants what is good for you? Do you not believe that all of us have choices to make and those choices influence our future and/or the way we interact with the world? Or do you believe that you can do anything at all and somehow "fix" it later? That you already see the future and can predict with 100% accuracy what is going to happen?
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:35 AM
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I am not sure I follow you biminiblue. If we all have choices, then where is the higher power. Obviously I do not predict the future, my original question has nothing to do with that, my question is to find a higher power because the steps demand that. That higher power apparently will influence my psyche, so obviously it can't be a tree or gravity. It has to be something that I believe will guide me in this quest for permanent recovery.
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:40 AM
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Just ask for it to show itself.

Higher Power does not take away free will. Higher Power is that part of all of us (we are born with it) which leads us to life, to love, to joy, to peace.

Gravity and that 300 year old tree are definitely more powerful than I am. I cannot will myself to be free of gravity any more than I can will myself to live 300 years.

Have you thought about posting these Step related questions in the 12 Step forum? I don't go to AA, but I do have a Higher Power/God.
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:47 AM
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Seek a higher power - that is what is required. I'm not a religious person - so for a long time I made AA that higher power itself. The fellowship of the group coming together gave me strength, hence, for a long time it was my higher power. AA is a power higher than mine as a group - and yes this really did work for me. You need to reframe what is meant as higher power. If you finish the sentence - it is sought a higher power as I understand it. Now I am more of a universe person - as in the laws of physics and the universe are a far greater power than me. I say prayers, but they are ones I throw up for my husband and kids, for health, for luck, for whatever. I like to believe they are heard. I also like to believe that my past relatives are looking over me.
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:49 AM
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i was driving home from an oncoligist appt in december 2006 , where he had told me the cancer was spreading rapidly and the next step was a very serious chemo. i stopped at a gas station along the expressway to gas up. leaning against my car, i looked across the expressway where there was a huge maple tree with a perfect canopy.
of course at tbe time it was leafless. something occured to me:
i could see a LOT of the branches. i KNEW they were there. yet, come summertime, when the leaves filled the tree, i couldnt see the branches, yet i knew those branches were holding them leaves there.
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Old 08-20-2016, 09:13 AM
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Hi Darwinia,

If you're committed to the 12-step approach, there are some resources out there on this question. One that I found helpful was "A Skeptic's Guide to the 12 Steps" by Philip Z. (I have no financial interest in it, just found it helpful). Kevin Griffin also has a number of very helpful books about Buddhism and the 12 steps which are not particularly religious, but have a long discussion about how one can conceive of higher powers. "A Burning Desire - Dharma God" is one of them.

In my experience, there is a rational path through the 12 steps if one is so inclined.
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