behindblueyes

My posts have been crazy, wacky, all over the place. However, some woman at work today really set me off

After working 15 hour days, no sleep, I walked in and the secretary said "wow you look exhausted". Which is rude but I said thanks, everyone has been saying that.

A woman from across th e room, 20 years my elder screamed "why do you think you have the right to look more tired than all of us?"

Keep in mind my stepper went off on my phone wheat reached 20k steps at noon yesterday. I'm a single mom. My mom has cancer. My cat can't even GET to work. I have to pull it over 4 times.

Her husband has cancer also so I apologised for what he is going thru. My mom's is fatal. Its 440 am and I will never forget this woman because she is the most evil person ever. And she made me relapse. Again.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what you're going through BBE. I'm not sure why you're working such long houres. I hope you can find better hours soon.

As for it being this womans fault you drank tho - no I'm sorry but it's not. It's not any of the other things either.

You know that, right?

Life sucks sometimes. Work is awful, things break down and people we love get sick.

The alcoholics problem is we never give ourselves the chance to learn how to deal with this stuff...we just drink.

This co worker may have been ride unthinking ignorant or whatever else, but thats the time I head for support now, not the bottle.

I spent two decades drinking away every upset, every resentment unfairness and every rudeness.

I drank because I never allowed myself to deal with the ensuing emotions. I had no coping skills for things like that.

The good news is, though I learned, and you can too.

What are you going to do about support now? Sounds like you need it?

D

MissPerfumado

Oh man. I am sorry to hear you are working those sorts of hours. It is a kind of hell. It's horrible, just horrible. Soul destroying. You drag yourself to work and through work, you work until you're more tired than you ever thought possible, then you go home knowing you have to get up soon and do it all over again.

I did those sorts of hours for years and I was a heavy drinker right through it. Drink was the only respite from the zombie hours of working. At least for a few hours I could float away to somewhere else. But drinking was only a temporary solution. It did not solve the underlying issues.

These days I still work hard but nowhere near such insane hours and I have a much healthier relationship with my work. I have to keep reminding myself I choose to work a demanding job and since it is my choice then I must accept that and not resent it, and most of all I must remain responsible to myself and my loved ones and not let that choice take me back to being an active alcoholic and a basket case.

You may well say that you're a single mum and you need the job and have to keep working hard. I don't know your specific circumstances but here are my thoughts: if you choose to remain in that job and to keep working those inhuman hours you will need to find a way to reconcile with that choice. You will need to make peace with the deal you are doing with the devil of work. So you will then be better equipped to resist the temptation to drink away your exhaustion, frayed nerves and chaotic emotions.

If you can't work those sorts of hours without turning to drink, then I really think you need to stop working those sorts of hours.

Again, I'm sorry you are working so hard. It's just not right. And about your mum's illness, on top of the long hours, I'm very, very sorry you are going through that.

August252015

What Dee said, exactly.

I will add....EVERYTHING in life looks different- usually better, but certainly clearer- when you have rest. You simply cannot make good choices when you are that exhausted- even if you don't drink, your whole mind is working badly. None of us can handle it for very long.

I hope you can find some way to adjust what you CAN control in your life. Making less money, changing jobs, any of that is very hard (I speak from experience as to what I did as I was first getting sober, and recently changed to as I am stronger). But EVERY SINGLE THING in your life - even your family- has to come SECOND to your sobriety. There really is a way to make that happen.

My sponsor has suggested extremes (IMO) and given me examples of things people have done - live with a roommate or otherwise change living arrangements due to expenses, get rid of a vehicle and deal with other transportation, all kinds of things.

I hope you can make a plan to support your sobriety amidst all of these challenges.

totfit

I really hate to hear what you are going through. I understand. I have been in similar circumstances though not the same. It is never the same unless you are in the other persons shoes. That being said, you have to understand that this: "And she made me relapse. Again." is a false statement. No one has ever made me relapse, though I have had my share over the many years after deciding to quit. I really do feel for you, but please don't let others actions lead you to thinking that you do not have a choice.

bexxed

I don't know what you do for work but I know those hours you're talking about. I have a job I love but am on salary and in the US you can be made to work 24, 48, 72 hours in a row - there is no limit - when a person is salaried. It's only once or twice a month now that I have to do day and night shift, but it used to be five days a week, while working out of town, for about five years running. It's really what enabled my alcoholism.

It was and still is my choice though.

I will offer another perspective: that the woman who said this really rude thing was perhaps not being rude. Sometimes people say these things as a way of pointing out that you have worked really hard and are tired. "what right do you have to look more tired than we do" could have been asking for you to say "cuz I pulled three 18s, shut yer mouth". It could have been an attempt at camaraderie or a way of saying "wow, I feel you."

If it wasn't, and she actually really and truly meant that statement at face value, then (a. she might not belong in a professional work environment) but really b. she is saying much more about herself than she is about you by saying that.

Working those hours will kill you. There is a reason that every industrialized country in the world has at least an attempt at a labor movement. Human beings can only do so much. When we work hours that are long and life sucking it will set up an environment where alcoholism can proliferate and while that is up to you, it's not the job that creates it, changing the relationship with work can help to untangle the substance abuse. That woman did not make you relapse. She did not hold you down and pour booze down your throat.

I hope you get some rest.

xoxo

B

Mountainmanbob

Maybe you need to give that statement some more thought ?
Let us just say that I get mad at my wife.
Let's say real mad ?
Let's say that she really hurt me badly and did it on purpose.
Knowing that I'm a recovered drunk would that be a good reason to pick up a drink ?
I must remember, there is never a good reason.

MB

thomas11

Thinking of you BBE. I support you 100% and I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. You must be a very tough person.

behindblueyes

Thanks. Very nice responses, as usual. The autocorrect was my fault, as usual. Cat = car (obviously)

I need to get a day off to clear my head. I am seeing what no sleep and long hours can do to a person. It's seriously dangerous to work in this heat dehydrated, on no sleep, and when I got home I hallucinated I was still at work (sober).

foryoumyson

Things will get better . Get some rest , never good to be running on no sleep

SoberLife90

Sleep is a necessary part of recovery. In my experience balance comes with time and through working the 12 steps.

NoelleR

I don't know where you worked, but this is NOT the definition of 'salaried' employees, as opposed to non-salaried/hourly employees. Except for some professions (attorneys, firemen) the work week is 40 hours, whether salaried or hourly. The key difference is that salaried employees don't get paid overtime $$, although they usually get some type of comp time.

There are also thresholds that need to be met; an employer just can't claim an employee is salaried without meeting these threshold (one of which is a minimum salary $23,600. a year, which is being raised come December 2016).

(o:

Alkolik

Dont take serious that evil person please. There is always bad ppl soeaking stupitly.