Ryanlanane

I don't like my real name out there. I hope I can change it. That being said I need someone with enough sobriety that I can talk to tonight. I've had 18 months and slipped wayyy away...

I have no GOOD excuses, just someone that gets sobriety to vent to. Maybe set me right ?

I'm in a tough situation. I won't waste your time. If you feel I am we disconnect whether by phone or online.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I get it, "I have to want it enough" "I have to hit bottom" ... I just need someone that gets me to talk to ....

suzii

I just joined do I wouldn't be a good candidate, but I feel the same way. Good luck!

REsoberALITY

Hello and Welcome. I think you can change it, otherwise you can create a new account. Someone here should be able to help you who knows more than me about that question. Are you looking to "Private "Message" someone? If not, there are many people here who I'm sure will understand you. Just post your thoughts.

Dee74

Hi Ryan
If you post just once more you'll have enough posts to PM our Administrator 'Anna' and she can change your name.

What ever you want to talk about we're all ears

D

Ryanlanane

Soooo ... I do t even know how to chat private here ?

This site seems to have changed in the last year and a half.

Live chat netted no one, use to net 18-24 people ... Or I might have the wrong site. I'd give you my number, cause I could really use a chat, but I don't like don't stuff like that ..., not until I've chatted with them online at least a half dozen times.

cwood3

Ryan, just sent a PM

Dee74

The chat room portal is over to the right hand side top of the page.
Maybe others will join you there

REsoberALITY

You can talk right through this post if you want to. People will respond, it's just not "live chat" format.

Dee74

are you drinking tonight?

D

Ryanlanane

I think I just did before I read your post lol. I just, I wanna talk on a phone, and I have numbers ... I don't want neighbors to hear though.

I want to talk online but unless it's one on one it's kinda pointless ...

I don't need a hard ass "read the big book pg 48 paragraph 3" person. I need someone who has humility, understands I am drunk, am sick of the shakes, can't go to detox, but want to get back to the program.

I know all 12 steps, I know what to do. I'm emotionally ... Distant. I need someone who has the patience and cares enough to text me once or twice a day ...IF they believe I'm serious.

I get wasting people's time. Been there during my year and a half. It hurts. I can't promise sobriety. I can promise I want it though ...

Dee74

Well like you say talking on a phone to people you don't know is risky - and that risk cuts both ways so we don;t recommend it.

you're welcome to use chat - you can IM in there - or PM people here. I think a thread is your best bet tho - you'll get a range of approaches then.

why do you want them to do the work tho? wouldn't you contacting people show a willingness on your part?

D

Ryanlanane

Ok, I'll check my PMs in a second.

I won't lie, yes I'm drinking, I understand that means "drop them"

It's not like that though. I'm hurting so bad. I only have the balls to reach out after some beers. I NEED help. I can not do it on my own ...

Do I dare ask when I'm sober ? No ...

Why ... You know just as well as I do. It's embarrassing. Yes, I need someone to get on me a tad tomorrow IF they believe me. But If someone I talk to doesn't believe me, let me go ... Which was a hard lesson for me to learn when I was sober.

I'm not here to be pathetic or draw attention. I know rehab is pointless. The Librium is a pointless thing. Locking me up with other detox patients only leads to 75 percent of people leaving ... And more connections for other stuff,..

I'll get it eventually help here or not. But tonight I am here asking for help

biminiblue

Ryan, the best thing you could do is eat something, drink a bunch of water, pour out your alcohol and go to bed.

Honestly? I don't talk to my friends when they are drunk.

Dee74

No you;'re jumping to conclusions

I asked because it makes a difference in the way I relate to you. You seem pretty fragile at the moment.

It doesn't mean I look down on you or consider you a waste of time, or 'drop you'.

This place is built on people asking for help, drunk or sober .

I haven't sent you any PMs. I'm not a sober coach or a recovery guru - just another alcoholic. I prefer to do my talking on threads.

D

Forward12

I'd dump the rest of the booze, call it a night, and hit an AA meeting tomorrow. Otherwise there are chats on tuesdays and fridays here, as well as occasionally gatherings at random times.

Ryanlanane

How much sobriety do you have ?

If under 15-20 years u don't understand. This program is about pushing people. Nowadays, it's if they mess up once, see ya. Know how this started ?

So many hospital visits to prove to a psych the concept was real.

Look I don't need a hand holder OK ?

What do I need ? Someone to remind me in the morning this stupid ass procedure of drinking ever day, from midnight down to 4 pm, as well as waking up to a headache, having "hair of the dog" not even knowing any more ...

I AM sick of it. I don't want meetings yet. I want someone I can vent to, not take up a lot of their time. Someone I can message, pm, or text when **** gets bad....

Who the hell here really doesn't get that ? The fact u are embarrassed after throwing away 18 months. After you make parents proud then drink around every family get together 3 months later for 2 1/2 years only to see the disappointment in their eyes every time.

I'm not asking for a "God" ... I am asking for a "semi sponsor" I can reach if I need too .., without local meetings. That's IT

Ryanlanane

Well, it would be great to talk. As I said I can't face any local groups yet.

Ryanlanane

Sorry if I came across as an ass. ... I just ... Am sick of all of this.

I know the drill, I just don't do anything about it

Ryanlanane

I get AND Respect that. I was hurt so badly trying to help 2 friends that were even worse then me when I had my sobriety. I mean .. It Literally HURT.

So I don't blame you for walking away

sugarbear1

When you get willing enough to stop and work hard to stop, things will change.

Hang out in chat some time and someone will come and chat with you, and yes, it's been quiet in there for a bit....

Glad you want sobriety again!!!