How to get rid of drunk wife/mother?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 29
How to get rid of drunk wife/mother?
I did it to myself. I married her and had kids with her. Now I need to get out somehow. I filed for divorce once, but backed down when I thought about loosing my family. After that she slipped again, this time was throw in mental hospital for a week as a danger to herself. Found out she was having an affair, and hooked on pain killers to boot. Tonight she went to another "meeting" this one is into its fifth hour now, I got the 2 kids in bed with me right now as I type. The biggest one starts kindergarten in 2 weeks and I work full-time. Well that is the short version of the recent history. There is a lot of history as you all can probably relate.
I feel like I can't do anything, I have already run to my parents house 3 times for a week or more each time. My kids would rather be home. I had a chance to get a PFA 5 months ago when she stabbed me with the kitchen scissors, but I didn't take it. I am wondering how if I could get a PFA now, or do I have to wait until she falls completely off the few months of sobriety she claimed she had when she got out of the hospital. I think I need a PFA because it is the only way I can stay in my house and keep her out. We are married so technically it is our house. I wonder if the past history and current backslide would be enough to get a PFA for the separation time needed to get a divorce. I feel like if I wait until the kids are actually in danger...again then I would have a better chance of getting a better decision on the PFA because as soon as she gets the temporary order she may sober up again and act all sweet and sorry for the judge at the hearing. But my lawyer told me once that I need to start some legal action because a judge won't be lenient when she ends up back in front of him/her when she goes back on the bottlle.
I guess I just answered my own question, waiting for her to put the kids in danger again is crazy. The sooner she faces a judge is the sooner she makes the judge look like an idiot for giving her a second chance which is the sooner I can get separated.
It sucks that if you are the one who wants to separate you have to leave. Me and the kids live here and my kids have to go to school and I have to work. I probably need to call the lawyer again. Wish I would have gone through with this last winter. I am tired of being a sucker. Thanks for listening.
I feel like I can't do anything, I have already run to my parents house 3 times for a week or more each time. My kids would rather be home. I had a chance to get a PFA 5 months ago when she stabbed me with the kitchen scissors, but I didn't take it. I am wondering how if I could get a PFA now, or do I have to wait until she falls completely off the few months of sobriety she claimed she had when she got out of the hospital. I think I need a PFA because it is the only way I can stay in my house and keep her out. We are married so technically it is our house. I wonder if the past history and current backslide would be enough to get a PFA for the separation time needed to get a divorce. I feel like if I wait until the kids are actually in danger...again then I would have a better chance of getting a better decision on the PFA because as soon as she gets the temporary order she may sober up again and act all sweet and sorry for the judge at the hearing. But my lawyer told me once that I need to start some legal action because a judge won't be lenient when she ends up back in front of him/her when she goes back on the bottlle.
I guess I just answered my own question, waiting for her to put the kids in danger again is crazy. The sooner she faces a judge is the sooner she makes the judge look like an idiot for giving her a second chance which is the sooner I can get separated.
It sucks that if you are the one who wants to separate you have to leave. Me and the kids live here and my kids have to go to school and I have to work. I probably need to call the lawyer again. Wish I would have gone through with this last winter. I am tired of being a sucker. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
I don't have much advice. I completely get where you are coming from. I had got rid of my xABF and actually LET him back again. Wait, now I do have words of advice, once you get rid of her, don't let her back. I am giving that advice to myself too.
I feel the pain of being a sucker. I don't even know what to say to that one. I can tell you it is a really crappy feeling though.
Hugs and I wish you the best.
I feel the pain of being a sucker. I don't even know what to say to that one. I can tell you it is a really crappy feeling though.
Hugs and I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Hello! Sorry to hear you are going through this - completely understand trying to save the family, I was in the same position 3 years ago, took him back. 3 years forward - divorce is almost finalized
Not sure what PFA stands for, but I would document everything, mental hospital and rehab stays, sound like you already have a few "stories" to tell. Courts usually don't like to uproot the kids - hang in there. Don't be afraid to file and ask for exactly what you think is appropriate, especially regarding child safety, I was "agressive" in what I requested and everything went my way. I was initially terrified and thought it would be hard - but he is in a place where he could not put up a fight......
Good luck.
Not sure what PFA stands for, but I would document everything, mental hospital and rehab stays, sound like you already have a few "stories" to tell. Courts usually don't like to uproot the kids - hang in there. Don't be afraid to file and ask for exactly what you think is appropriate, especially regarding child safety, I was "agressive" in what I requested and everything went my way. I was initially terrified and thought it would be hard - but he is in a place where he could not put up a fight......
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
I don't have children, but I am an aunt to 2 wonderful girls who grew up in a home with an alcoholic father, and I hope you do not feel I am out of line for sharing this to you - and it will be a long post.
I used to hear absolute horror stories from their childhood, via my sister (their mother), primarily about how he treated her (I didn't really hear what he directly put their kids through until much later). I heard stories from her for years, gave advice, saw it ignored, and finally cut her off by saying that I couldn't bear to hear her go through that anymore without her doing anything but vent to her family and wake up the next day and let the whole cycle repeat.
I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but she finally left him later that year. However, a lot of damage had already been done to both herself and her children. Both have had issues with control, because they lived in a household that was out of control. One went mute for several years - not speaking a word to outside family members. The other battled anorexia and addiction (and I'm proud to say that this past Sunday, she received her 1 year sobriety chip).
My sister and her ex started having issues and she started talking about separation when her children were young - it finally happened when they were in their pre-teens. A chaotic household does a number on children in their formative years. I've seen it from experience.
I had the privilege of saying that to her, and watching her decision without being in it, too. Looking back, I don't know how she felt about that. I felt I was abandoning her, but I couldn't listen to it anymore. Ironically, I put myself through the same mess, sans children and marriage, several years later before I finally got a glimpse of what she was going through.
Having been in a relationship with an alcoholic was eye opening, but having been in a relationship without marriage or children was very easy to break. I can say that knowing precisely how hard it was for me to break that relationship without those additional roles of spouse and parent. But I also saw, from my sister's experience, what it was like to be in that role.
I was also able to see the damage done, from the outside looking in. Not only to her, but to her children, in their formative years. And I'm trying to relay that experience I've seen on the outside looking in the best that I can. For her, there were 4 people suffering, but 3 that couldn't do a thing except walk away. For me, looking from the outside, it was an easy, obvious decision, but again - like I said above - I wasn't the one, at the time, making the decision.
What I do know is we can control ourselves and our well being, especially in the event that physical harm comes to us. Most states have somewhat lengthy statute of limitations for DV, and a DV charge can be accompanied by a protective order. Meaning that person has to say away from you, and you and your children don't have to flee from them. Documentation of everything that occurs, as mentioned above, never hurts.
It does sound like you may need some time and space to figure out the best plan for your and your children moving forward, so it may be a good idea to look into a protective order. Just for the sake of having some peace for a bit to settle your mind. Living through a situation with an alcoholic partner myself - I can attest to that.
Whatever it is you decide, I wish you the best for yourself and your children. Again, I hope I wasn't out of line sharing my own experience, and I hope you understand that this isn't what I am stating will happen all the time, but simply what I have seen with my own experience.
I used to hear absolute horror stories from their childhood, via my sister (their mother), primarily about how he treated her (I didn't really hear what he directly put their kids through until much later). I heard stories from her for years, gave advice, saw it ignored, and finally cut her off by saying that I couldn't bear to hear her go through that anymore without her doing anything but vent to her family and wake up the next day and let the whole cycle repeat.
I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but she finally left him later that year. However, a lot of damage had already been done to both herself and her children. Both have had issues with control, because they lived in a household that was out of control. One went mute for several years - not speaking a word to outside family members. The other battled anorexia and addiction (and I'm proud to say that this past Sunday, she received her 1 year sobriety chip).
My sister and her ex started having issues and she started talking about separation when her children were young - it finally happened when they were in their pre-teens. A chaotic household does a number on children in their formative years. I've seen it from experience.
I had the privilege of saying that to her, and watching her decision without being in it, too. Looking back, I don't know how she felt about that. I felt I was abandoning her, but I couldn't listen to it anymore. Ironically, I put myself through the same mess, sans children and marriage, several years later before I finally got a glimpse of what she was going through.
Having been in a relationship with an alcoholic was eye opening, but having been in a relationship without marriage or children was very easy to break. I can say that knowing precisely how hard it was for me to break that relationship without those additional roles of spouse and parent. But I also saw, from my sister's experience, what it was like to be in that role.
I was also able to see the damage done, from the outside looking in. Not only to her, but to her children, in their formative years. And I'm trying to relay that experience I've seen on the outside looking in the best that I can. For her, there were 4 people suffering, but 3 that couldn't do a thing except walk away. For me, looking from the outside, it was an easy, obvious decision, but again - like I said above - I wasn't the one, at the time, making the decision.
What I do know is we can control ourselves and our well being, especially in the event that physical harm comes to us. Most states have somewhat lengthy statute of limitations for DV, and a DV charge can be accompanied by a protective order. Meaning that person has to say away from you, and you and your children don't have to flee from them. Documentation of everything that occurs, as mentioned above, never hurts.
It does sound like you may need some time and space to figure out the best plan for your and your children moving forward, so it may be a good idea to look into a protective order. Just for the sake of having some peace for a bit to settle your mind. Living through a situation with an alcoholic partner myself - I can attest to that.
Whatever it is you decide, I wish you the best for yourself and your children. Again, I hope I wasn't out of line sharing my own experience, and I hope you understand that this isn't what I am stating will happen all the time, but simply what I have seen with my own experience.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 109
She stabbed you with scissors? She HAS to go. That's incredibly scary. If she's capable of that, she shouldn't be anywhere near you or the kids. I feel awful for you guys, what a stressful situation.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
To singer of sad song
It feels horrible to feel you are a sucker and when you do all you can to help a sick person but they do nothing to help you or themselves. They suck you dry until you have no self esteem left and forget the person you are anymore . This makes it even harder to leave the person left as we are left with little energy to cope. There is no room for you or kids as the sickness leads to such self absorption no one else seems to matter anymore.
I hope you get away so you and your kids are safe. Surely you should also be entitled to keep your house if you are the one who is going to be caring for your kids.
I hope you get away so you and your kids are safe. Surely you should also be entitled to keep your house if you are the one who is going to be caring for your kids.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
singerofsadsong.....I am going to speak to you like a Dutch Uncle......if you are tired of being a sucker....stop it.
There comes a time when you just have to do what you have to do...even if you don't like it.....
I say to call the lawyer before the sun goes down tomorrow! Then make your to-do list and go from there with conviction.
Find a counselor for yourself and start attending alanon for yourself asap. It will be a hundred times easier if you will do this.
If you get the restraining order then you might be able to say in the house with the kids.....your lawyer is the one who can answer that for you, definitively.
We all know how hard this stuff is to go through...and you have our compassion.
The best way to stop being the victim is to stop behaving as a victim does.
(the Dutch Uncle has now left the building)....
sincerely,
dandylion
There comes a time when you just have to do what you have to do...even if you don't like it.....
I say to call the lawyer before the sun goes down tomorrow! Then make your to-do list and go from there with conviction.
Find a counselor for yourself and start attending alanon for yourself asap. It will be a hundred times easier if you will do this.
If you get the restraining order then you might be able to say in the house with the kids.....your lawyer is the one who can answer that for you, definitively.
We all know how hard this stuff is to go through...and you have our compassion.
The best way to stop being the victim is to stop behaving as a victim does.
(the Dutch Uncle has now left the building)....
sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Not suckers
On being a sucker ...... We are not suckers, we start to feel that way as the toll of been in a relationship like this drains you, makes you lose self esteem and can lead to our own problems with mental health undersatandably. There is little pleasure in the relationship with an addict depending on the severity .
It's understandable that we try and stay and hope things will get better especially for the sake of marriage, love and children. Some people manage to work through it. However when we finally make the decision we cannot be the one to make everything alright we need to finally put ourselves and children first and make a better life for them.
Instead we should see ourselves not as suckers but just unfortunate to end up in these circumstances and that we did all we could to try and help the sick spouse. There will always be a day when enough is enough and you need to finally save yourself
It's understandable that we try and stay and hope things will get better especially for the sake of marriage, love and children. Some people manage to work through it. However when we finally make the decision we cannot be the one to make everything alright we need to finally put ourselves and children first and make a better life for them.
Instead we should see ourselves not as suckers but just unfortunate to end up in these circumstances and that we did all we could to try and help the sick spouse. There will always be a day when enough is enough and you need to finally save yourself
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Lobien...I second all that you say.....absolutely.
I chose the word sucker because he used it first...and, I think that guys tend to use words like this when talking to each other...more than women do...lol....
I know that singerof sadsong is a hurting person and not a real "sucker".
Actually, I am a woman...in spite of my forum name...
But, I am talking like a Dutch Uncle to motivate singerofsad song into action.....
dandylion
I chose the word sucker because he used it first...and, I think that guys tend to use words like this when talking to each other...more than women do...lol....
I know that singerof sadsong is a hurting person and not a real "sucker".
Actually, I am a woman...in spite of my forum name...
But, I am talking like a Dutch Uncle to motivate singerofsad song into action.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Sucker
Using the word sucker is fine we do end up feeling that way but just don't have to stay that way. Another word for it is victim,
I just wanted to shed some light on why we stay as victim for sometimes a long time , as like the addict we end up in our own hole that can seem impossible for us to get out .
I just wanted to shed some light on why we stay as victim for sometimes a long time , as like the addict we end up in our own hole that can seem impossible for us to get out .
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Singer, I don't know where you live, but I work professionally in the field of domestic violence (and have for a very long time), and I believe that the physical violence, together with her ongoing substance abuse and apparent mental health issues, would be more than sufficient to qualify you for a protection order.
I'd suggest calling the local women's shelter and speaking with an advocate. They help not only women, but anyone who is experiencing abuse. They can give you guidance about how to apply for the order, how to present your case to the judge, and go to court with you. If you are granted the order, you and your kids can remain in the house and she will have to find somewhere else to live. She will be barred from any contact with you.
Please make the call.
I'd suggest calling the local women's shelter and speaking with an advocate. They help not only women, but anyone who is experiencing abuse. They can give you guidance about how to apply for the order, how to present your case to the judge, and go to court with you. If you are granted the order, you and your kids can remain in the house and she will have to find somewhere else to live. She will be barred from any contact with you.
Please make the call.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 29
All. Thankyou so much. It was great to get your support. I don't feel as much like a sucker now that I have decided to take action. Talking to the lawyer at 10 tomorrow morning.
Dandelion. That is a great idea. I was worried about the protective order because of the timeline, like I want to get rid of her now when things arnt that bad yet, but last time you got stabbed with scissors, you didn't get the order? Like maybe the judge might say like, oh she's not that bad right now, and look she is saying she will get help. I know it sounds crazy, I am taking steps for sure to end this. I just think that maybe if I pulled the trigger on the PFA at the time when she had done the worst things I would have had a better chance at getting the order extended for the max amount of time. I have tons of evidence so hopefully I can get the same deal.
It is called a PFA protection from abuse in Pennsylvania. You present in front of a judge, they can order the sheriff to haul her out now if you are lucky, then they have a hearing a week later and can extend the order for maximum of three years. Two years in pa is required for contested divorce. One year if you can prove an "at fault" divorce, and I have enough evidence to do that I should hope.
I really appreciate all the support and pep talks. When I got on this site like 5 years ago, I thought, man these people are harsh, I am going to try to work things out... Well I guess everyone has to learn for themselves.
At this point the way I look at it best case, she is gone, I get my house and the boys and she gets supervised visits. Worst case, she gets sober and gets half custody. It's gonna be a wild ride.
Dandelion. That is a great idea. I was worried about the protective order because of the timeline, like I want to get rid of her now when things arnt that bad yet, but last time you got stabbed with scissors, you didn't get the order? Like maybe the judge might say like, oh she's not that bad right now, and look she is saying she will get help. I know it sounds crazy, I am taking steps for sure to end this. I just think that maybe if I pulled the trigger on the PFA at the time when she had done the worst things I would have had a better chance at getting the order extended for the max amount of time. I have tons of evidence so hopefully I can get the same deal.
It is called a PFA protection from abuse in Pennsylvania. You present in front of a judge, they can order the sheriff to haul her out now if you are lucky, then they have a hearing a week later and can extend the order for maximum of three years. Two years in pa is required for contested divorce. One year if you can prove an "at fault" divorce, and I have enough evidence to do that I should hope.
I really appreciate all the support and pep talks. When I got on this site like 5 years ago, I thought, man these people are harsh, I am going to try to work things out... Well I guess everyone has to learn for themselves.
At this point the way I look at it best case, she is gone, I get my house and the boys and she gets supervised visits. Worst case, she gets sober and gets half custody. It's gonna be a wild ride.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 193
Originally Posted by singerofsadsong 
At this point the way I look at it best case, she is gone, I get my house and the boys and she gets supervised visits. Worst case, she gets sober and gets half custody. It's gonna be a wild ride.
But only the first of these is in your hands.
Good luck, and I hope you find the strength and means to push thru this first stage.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Singerofsadsong.....I commend you for going into action so swiftly!
We are not going to say that it is going to be a day a the beach....but, you will get through it if you keep a steady head and faith in your heart.
CoParentToA makes a good p oint, I think.
I realize that you are, understandably, quite raw, at this point....and it very wearing....
With support, you will eventually arrive at more peace and clarity....
Keeping the kids first is so important...(as you know).....The best thing for kids is to be safe and to grow up with a good relationship with both parents, as much as p ossible....
Hang in.....
dandylion
We are not going to say that it is going to be a day a the beach....but, you will get through it if you keep a steady head and faith in your heart.
CoParentToA makes a good p oint, I think.
I realize that you are, understandably, quite raw, at this point....and it very wearing....
With support, you will eventually arrive at more peace and clarity....
Keeping the kids first is so important...(as you know).....The best thing for kids is to be safe and to grow up with a good relationship with both parents, as much as p ossible....
Hang in.....
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, just to be clear, the sheriff won't "haul her out" unless she refuses to leave after being served with the order. And it probably isn't too late to pursue criminal charges, if you were so inclined. But that's not a condition of getting the order.
Courts know how victims (including male victims) often aren't ready to get an order right away--your not pursuing one immediately is probably more the rule than the exception.
Hope you can get some peace back in your household.
Courts know how victims (including male victims) often aren't ready to get an order right away--your not pursuing one immediately is probably more the rule than the exception.
Hope you can get some peace back in your household.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: PA
Posts: 29
As I see this,
Imagine a heavy anchor, on a long chain, just fell off a cliff. You want to grab the chain and pulled it back up. But. . . you know that if you try, you are going down with it.
When it is obvious someone is an alcoholic, it doesn't get better with time. The longer it runs, the harder it is to stop. It's not going to be better in a year, or two. Unless they are in active recovery, admitting they have a serious problem, and humble enough to admit wrong doing, you ain't got a chance.
Whatever pain you have now is minor compared to what it will be in a year. Your position is as good as its going to get. You opportunity to send a message is good as its going to get. Alcoholics don't become more self aware with time, they become less aware. That one day they wake up and ask "what the hell happened" isn't more likely to happen with time. Some never have it.
Imagine a heavy anchor, on a long chain, just fell off a cliff. You want to grab the chain and pulled it back up. But. . . you know that if you try, you are going down with it.
When it is obvious someone is an alcoholic, it doesn't get better with time. The longer it runs, the harder it is to stop. It's not going to be better in a year, or two. Unless they are in active recovery, admitting they have a serious problem, and humble enough to admit wrong doing, you ain't got a chance.
Whatever pain you have now is minor compared to what it will be in a year. Your position is as good as its going to get. You opportunity to send a message is good as its going to get. Alcoholics don't become more self aware with time, they become less aware. That one day they wake up and ask "what the hell happened" isn't more likely to happen with time. Some never have it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 29
It is really hitting the fan now.
Thursday I came home from work, she was gone and babysitter was there. She didn't come in until middle of the night. When I got home from work Friday (today) she was gone, kids were gone, car was gone, alcohol all over the house, evidence of pills too. She didn't answer calls or texts.
I called the shelter as recommended above. I didn't get much new advice, they said they were mandatory reporters, they reported incident to child services and said they would call me before doing anything.
She calls at 9 at night and is belligerent, I can hear a car honk at her, and kids in the back seat. It is obvious to me she should not be driving with the kids. She says she is coming home to drop the kids off, then changing clothes and leaving. I take the kids to the neighbors when she gets home, wait for her to leave and we are in bed now. She drained the rest of her vodka before leaving.
I can't risk leaving the kids with her again. It was pretty scary until they got home tonight. I planned on going to get the protective order on Monday while I left the kids with her while I pretended to go to work. That plan doesn't seem like a good idea now. We are all just too tired to leave now in the middle of the night the boys (2 and 5) are snoring away next to me right now. I think I will take them to my parents and see if I can get her removed from the house tomorrow (Saturday). I don't know if that is possible or even of and when she will be home. I will be with the kids so even if she comes home they will be safe until we can leave in the morning. If she tries to make a scene as we leave it will be trouble. I might have to pull off some kind of maneuver where we pretend to just go fishing or something. At this point I have taken the kids to my parents so many time she must assume I will but who really knows what really goes thru her head. I got to sleep now. I will be filing protective order, temporary custody and divorce so soon I can taste it. I am ready to go through with it all this time. I pray to God I don't change my mind this time. I have no second thoughts right now. It feels different this time, like I can really get free. So I am hopeful.
Thursday I came home from work, she was gone and babysitter was there. She didn't come in until middle of the night. When I got home from work Friday (today) she was gone, kids were gone, car was gone, alcohol all over the house, evidence of pills too. She didn't answer calls or texts.
I called the shelter as recommended above. I didn't get much new advice, they said they were mandatory reporters, they reported incident to child services and said they would call me before doing anything.
She calls at 9 at night and is belligerent, I can hear a car honk at her, and kids in the back seat. It is obvious to me she should not be driving with the kids. She says she is coming home to drop the kids off, then changing clothes and leaving. I take the kids to the neighbors when she gets home, wait for her to leave and we are in bed now. She drained the rest of her vodka before leaving.
I can't risk leaving the kids with her again. It was pretty scary until they got home tonight. I planned on going to get the protective order on Monday while I left the kids with her while I pretended to go to work. That plan doesn't seem like a good idea now. We are all just too tired to leave now in the middle of the night the boys (2 and 5) are snoring away next to me right now. I think I will take them to my parents and see if I can get her removed from the house tomorrow (Saturday). I don't know if that is possible or even of and when she will be home. I will be with the kids so even if she comes home they will be safe until we can leave in the morning. If she tries to make a scene as we leave it will be trouble. I might have to pull off some kind of maneuver where we pretend to just go fishing or something. At this point I have taken the kids to my parents so many time she must assume I will but who really knows what really goes thru her head. I got to sleep now. I will be filing protective order, temporary custody and divorce so soon I can taste it. I am ready to go through with it all this time. I pray to God I don't change my mind this time. I have no second thoughts right now. It feels different this time, like I can really get free. So I am hopeful.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Singer I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in, and the pain and stress it's causing you and the kids. You're doing the right thing, the only thing. It's awful to think of pills and alcohol around the house and the kids under the care of a drunk.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Sosd....I know it must feel like you are in the middle of a bad storm when you are in an evolving situation l ike this! I can remember that feeling....like a war with incoming....
It is incumbent on you to take over the wheel...because, when a person in intoxicated...any person....they are incapable of using their brain in a normal fashion. They can't make sound decisions or even think reasonably.
And, it sounds like this is what you are doing.....
I would advise you to try to detach your personal feelings (understandably) of anger and resentment and horror.....so that y ou can make the best decisions, possible. A tall order.
But, you can do it and push through your fears.
It sounds like your parents have been supportive...sounds like they love the grandchildren....so, I wouldn't hesitate to ask them to take over the kids for this period of time to help out the family. Thank God for grandparents!!
As long as the kids are safe...you are freed up to do whatever you have to do to get life stabilized, again.....
Your wife is sick. She needs help...and this crisis may be what is needed to getting her on the road to some treatment. It might be a giant wake ip call for her.....More will be revealed as things unfold.
Child protective services will have the children's safety and welfare first.
Their next objective is to offer help and assistance--not to "punish".....
You are stronger than you imagine that you are. We all are. Courage shows up at just the second that it is needed.....it is amazing, that way.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
You need all the support that you can get.....
dandylion
It is incumbent on you to take over the wheel...because, when a person in intoxicated...any person....they are incapable of using their brain in a normal fashion. They can't make sound decisions or even think reasonably.
And, it sounds like this is what you are doing.....
I would advise you to try to detach your personal feelings (understandably) of anger and resentment and horror.....so that y ou can make the best decisions, possible. A tall order.
But, you can do it and push through your fears.
It sounds like your parents have been supportive...sounds like they love the grandchildren....so, I wouldn't hesitate to ask them to take over the kids for this period of time to help out the family. Thank God for grandparents!!
As long as the kids are safe...you are freed up to do whatever you have to do to get life stabilized, again.....
Your wife is sick. She needs help...and this crisis may be what is needed to getting her on the road to some treatment. It might be a giant wake ip call for her.....More will be revealed as things unfold.
Child protective services will have the children's safety and welfare first.
Their next objective is to offer help and assistance--not to "punish".....
You are stronger than you imagine that you are. We all are. Courage shows up at just the second that it is needed.....it is amazing, that way.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
You need all the support that you can get.....
dandylion
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