Windancer

So here I am coming up with a solid Recovery plan again. But I do know one thing that I have failed to do in the past. That is to get support BEFORE I end up picking up liquor. I need to ask for help when that AV voice starts up. I need to get support before I even have a chance to start planning my next drinking binge. Pick up that phone. Post honestly on here. I can't even think of one time in the past when I've honestly reached out for help when I've felt that I was going to give in to the drink.

It begins with a thought, or a fantasy. Then turns into desire and longing. It quickly escalates to excuses and reasons why drinking this one time will do no harm. Then, the plan is secretly and expertly plotted out with no consideration that lying and using people for booze is WRONG. And before I know it...BOOM, I am hammered again and if I don't end up in the hospital or jail cell I've been lucky. God forbid I have a drinking session that actually goes as planned and remains a secret because that just fuels the AV and the desire to drink is even stronger because I got away with it again.

So I am posting this as a way to fully commit myself to calling myself out my own BS. Even if I happen to get away with it, it still harms myself and is risky and dangerous beyond belief. And no, I am not just going to sneakily change my sobriety date here so no one notices. Enough of this crap already.

Thanks for reading.

Windancer

And another thing. I have trouble believing that I will be successful never drinking again. So instead of sitting with that terrifying idea I'm going to replace it with "I am NOT drinking TODAY!" I'm not going to pile all this crap on my plate which helps me to fail. Today I am sober. I don't know about tomorrow, or the next day, or a year from now, but today I am sober.

fred59

when your AV starts planning your next binge try Smart Recovery tools, you can find them on there web site in the tool box section, or post here try an AA meetings or call someone, you have to smash the idea that you can drink again so use the tools available

Nonsensical

Who is actually terrified of that idea, you or your AV?

I have found that doing things that make my AV unhappy have an extraordinarily high chance of being in my best interests.

Windancer

I am not familiar with the Smart recovery tools... I will have to check that out. Thank you.

Windancer

AV is dead scared of it.

I myself feel much, MUCH safer, happier, and healthier with that as my life.

Thanks for the clarity

Delilah1

Hi Windancer,

Glad you are posting, and it is Tuesday!!

Windancer

Yupp, it is Tuesday and it is Day 3! I didn't think that would happen but I surprised myself. I don't think it would have happened without the good people here on SR.

PurpleKnight

You can do this Windancer . . . loads of support here on SR to help out!!

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 3 & staying accountable

2southTV

congrats. its a daily battle. im keeping myself accountable by setting a goal and reaching the goal every day. (making 1 video on youtube a day)

good luck.

August252015

Great job!! Keep planning the good and healthy, keep firing the AV.