struggling to reach out & do what's required
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
struggling to reach out & do what's required
I really am kidding myself and others that all is fine and dandy. Feel like I want to scream and just go out and get so smashed - however I know it's not an option.
Reading up again on dry drunk and it's me 100 %, every word sounds so much like the way I am and have been for the whole 9 months of sobriety really - yes there's good times but so many mood swings and just not content with what I'm doing - feel like I have been giving it my all but its just not enough.
Still unhappy a lot of the time at where my life is heading albeit I am sober and drug free and the chaos that led too is a thing of the past.
However my moods are unbearable at times I just can't snap out of them at all - then bang forgotten and I'm ok again.
Been away from this place for a while, also been on holiday and in the main had an enjoyable time with the family.
Yesterday I absolutely lost the plot with a taxi driver who was trying to have me over - just feel like I am ready to explode at times and with that just want an option of an out - there just doesn't seem to be one any which way I turn.
I have tried AA / NA and get some of it and see how it works for a lot of people but just not able to give it my all - it's doesn't quite sit right for me.
Fed up of trying to put things right when all I want to do is tell the world and his wife where to go - the kinder side is disappearing rapidly and I can feel the frustration and anger and my old ways resurfacing.
I start things and have the best intentions I just don't follow them thro - lazy - probably.
Feeling sorry for myself - definitely.
I know what's required I just want an easy way out as always.
Reading up again on dry drunk and it's me 100 %, every word sounds so much like the way I am and have been for the whole 9 months of sobriety really - yes there's good times but so many mood swings and just not content with what I'm doing - feel like I have been giving it my all but its just not enough.
Still unhappy a lot of the time at where my life is heading albeit I am sober and drug free and the chaos that led too is a thing of the past.
However my moods are unbearable at times I just can't snap out of them at all - then bang forgotten and I'm ok again.
Been away from this place for a while, also been on holiday and in the main had an enjoyable time with the family.
Yesterday I absolutely lost the plot with a taxi driver who was trying to have me over - just feel like I am ready to explode at times and with that just want an option of an out - there just doesn't seem to be one any which way I turn.
I have tried AA / NA and get some of it and see how it works for a lot of people but just not able to give it my all - it's doesn't quite sit right for me.
Fed up of trying to put things right when all I want to do is tell the world and his wife where to go - the kinder side is disappearing rapidly and I can feel the frustration and anger and my old ways resurfacing.
I start things and have the best intentions I just don't follow them thro - lazy - probably.
Feeling sorry for myself - definitely.
I know what's required I just want an easy way out as always.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Sounds like maybe you could benefit from some sort of psychotherapy - cognitive behavioral therapy can help you identify what your moods are, where they are headed, and how you can change your thinking. It's work, but in my experience, well worth it. I didn't have an anger problem, it was more sadness and hopelessness. But CBT can help you with all sorts of things. Just a thought.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
I am so with you. I am not angry but this sobriety path is no bed of roses. Socialising is the worst. It's so boring. Only thing more boring than socialising is AA. I really do not get it. Higher power, making a list of character defects etc. listening to the same people telling the same tales of their drinking life every week. I find enjoyment in reading (a lot), working (a lot), improving my mind and knowledge of science, nature, mechanics, philosophy, anything other than listening to self-indulgent stories. Progress and mental health is up to us I'm afraid.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by RedAndy 
I really am kidding myself and others that all is fine and dandy. Feel like I want to scream and just go out and get so smashed - however I know it's not an option.
Reading up again on dry drunk and it's me 100 %, every word sounds so much like the way I am and have been for the whole 9 months of sobriety really - yes there's good times but so many mood swings and just not content with what I'm doing - feel like I have been giving it my all but its just not enough.
Still unhappy a lot of the time at where my life is heading albeit I am sober and drug free and the chaos that led too is a thing of the past.
However my moods are unbearable at times I just can't snap out of them at all - then bang forgotten and I'm ok again.
Been away from this place for a while, also been on holiday and in the main had an enjoyable time with the family.
Yesterday I absolutely lost the plot with a taxi driver who was trying to have me over - just feel like I am ready to explode at times and with that just want an option of an out - there just doesn't seem to be one any which way I turn.
I have tried AA / NA and get some of it and see how it works for a lot of people but just not able to give it my all - it's doesn't quite sit right for me.
Fed up of trying to put things right when all I want to do is tell the world and his wife where to go - the kinder side is disappearing rapidly and I can feel the frustration and anger and my old ways resurfacing.
I start things and have the best intentions I just don't follow them thro - lazy - probably.
Feeling sorry for myself - definitely.
I know what's required I just want an easy way out as always.
Reading up again on dry drunk and it's me 100 %, every word sounds so much like the way I am and have been for the whole 9 months of sobriety really - yes there's good times but so many mood swings and just not content with what I'm doing - feel like I have been giving it my all but its just not enough.
Still unhappy a lot of the time at where my life is heading albeit I am sober and drug free and the chaos that led too is a thing of the past.
However my moods are unbearable at times I just can't snap out of them at all - then bang forgotten and I'm ok again.
Been away from this place for a while, also been on holiday and in the main had an enjoyable time with the family.
Yesterday I absolutely lost the plot with a taxi driver who was trying to have me over - just feel like I am ready to explode at times and with that just want an option of an out - there just doesn't seem to be one any which way I turn.
I have tried AA / NA and get some of it and see how it works for a lot of people but just not able to give it my all - it's doesn't quite sit right for me.
Fed up of trying to put things right when all I want to do is tell the world and his wife where to go - the kinder side is disappearing rapidly and I can feel the frustration and anger and my old ways resurfacing.
I start things and have the best intentions I just don't follow them thro - lazy - probably.
Feeling sorry for myself - definitely.
I know what's required I just want an easy way out as always.
Take a look at the 2 statements I bolded above...and notice the contradiction. You can't be giving your all if you aren't following through. And like all good things in life there is no "easy" way of going about sobriety, it requires hard work and dedication each and every day.
Your statement about your AA efforts is telling as well - how can you know if something is "not for you" if you haven't given it your all? AA may not be for you, but any method of getting sober will require you to do things you don't want to do. There will be uncomfortable moments as you learn to find new ways to cope with life directly, instead of running away and drinking...and it's not pleasant at first.
The good news is that if you can commit to a plan or method, the feelings you are having now will go away. You can live a happy, full, enjoyable life without alcohol - and I would argue a much better one than you had before. You just have to commit to the work necessary - are you ready to do so?
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
sounds like some rare honesty and youre not alone
meetings are full of half truthers because its a social club
I spent my first 17 years as a sober and very active member as a 1/2 truther - telling only the good and leaving out the rest of the story
my recovery didnt really begin until i started to get completely honest
meetings are full of half truthers because its a social club
I spent my first 17 years as a sober and very active member as a 1/2 truther - telling only the good and leaving out the rest of the story
my recovery didnt really begin until i started to get completely honest
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