Sunshine1234

I decided today to file for divorce from my AH after a short marriage (a year and a half). I don't know why I'm not more emotional about it. I sort of feel like I'm numb to it all and gathering this strength from this place I never knew existed. I am dreading the next few months...to telling him, my family and friends and going through all of the legalities of a divorce. Knowing that I'm doing the best for my two small children is what will get me through it all.

For all of you on here who have helped me through these last 4 months THANK YOU!! I have learned an enormous amount from so many of you and I am so grateful that I just happened to "stumble" on this site when I was so desperate to talk to someone that could relate to me. Instead of just finding someone I found so many! My SR family

AnvilheadII

that is such a big, brave step!!! i applaud your strength and resolve!

Hechosedrugs

I thought I would feel devastated when I filed, but instead I felt strong and really kind of wonderful. Then that night my mother in law called to tell me when our court date was- and I was crushed. Court dates don't happen right away, so to me that meant that he had filed before me. He hadn't, of course. It was just my MIL trying to get me worked up, as usual. But it still hurt so bad to think that after all I put up with he would be through with me.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my story, in case something similar happens to you. I think it's a little easier to be strong when you're the one leaving. If we find out our significant other wanted the same, it's just so darn hurtful.

Glad you took this step. Stay strong.

Sunshine1234

Thank you!! Your wisdom has been instrumental in my journey.

Sunshine1234

Through this I've almost wished that we split because he made the decision and had wanted to be with someone else or just leave because. I have struggled for awhile with should I stay or go. There's been so many what if's.

Sunshine1234

Any advice on how to tell friends I am getting a divorce? My first thought was to say it was amicable and things just didn't work out. I always like to tie things up with a pretty bow and make them look "nice". However, a close family member brought up a point and said well that may portray you as weak then and not trying to work things out for the kids. In your experience have you found it worked best to just be honest and say he has addiction issues that he wasn't willing to work on? Thoughts...

biminiblue

Oh, man. I am divorced. I told only my parents the "why." They lived 3000 miles away so there was no chance of it getting messy by telling them.

No one else asked why...but I think I would have said something like, "We just couldn't make it work."

I mean, it's really no one's business and I don't think slinging mud is a very good look on anyone. I don't have kids and he left the state so in the years since I've only talked about the details with a very few people.

Friends could see the problem before I could.

zoso77

Sunshine...

I'm sure in the days and weeks to come, you're going to run through the full spectrum of emotions. I'm sorry that you've had to arrive at this moment, because I know when you married him, you believed it was for life. Sadly, addiction short circuits the best of plans and the strongest of loves, and you were left with no choice.

Be strong, and lean on us as needed.

mamaof3boyz

Sunshine, numb is okay. The best thing for your recovery is to feel every emotion, hurt, pain... like Zoso said you will feel a spectrum of emotions over the next days, weeks, months. This will help you grow and learn about yourself and you will begin to heal. I'm here for you if you need. I'm sure we are going through very similar situations except my guy is sober. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't but i certainly don't wish that on anyone.
I'll be praying for you and your children. I believe in the power of prayer, if you don't mind.
Keep me posted on your journey.
Is your AH still at home? When will he get served?
I know it's hard knowing what to tell people regarding the divorce. You simply say it's the best for everyone. And in your heart if you believe you are doing the best for your children then nothing else matters. Stay well.

Sunshine1234

Thank you so much. I believe in the power of prayers as well, so I thank you for praying for me. Yes he's still at home and I moved out over 4 months ago. He is going to get served next week. I hope you are doing ok with everything you have going on. I'll pray for you too❤️

atalose

Yes honesty is the best policy.

Liking things tied up neatly in a pretty bow = you stepped out of a bad marriage where one half was filled with addiction in order for yourself and your children's best future.

Sunshine1234

Thank you zoso! I will definitely lean on you guys in the months to come.

Sunshine1234

Thank you...I think this is the best response and most likely what I will tell people. I know he's going to deny it to everyone and turn it on me but I am ok with that. People that know me and care about my wellbeing won't be surprised as I think they could see the writing on the wall for a long time now.

atalose

And that’s all that counts – that you don’t care what other people think or say about YOUR marriage.

I remember running into one of my ex’s neighbors about 2 months after I left him. She was telling me how upset he was that I left and that he was working on being clean/sober and she said what a really tuff time he was having and how hard he is working on getting his life back on track. I then asked her if him getting 2 DUI’s within 2 months of each other was part of him getting his life back on track. Her response was a shocking “Oh I wasn’t aware that he got any DUI’s” to which I responded “clearly there are many things you are not aware of”. The next time I happened to run into her all she said was Hi how are doing and she kept on walking…

People are people, they talk they gossip that’s life. Best we just don’t allow ourselves to get all caught up in it.