Mr PL's accountability thread
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Mr PL's accountability thread
Hi everyone,
So following the advice from you lovely people I will be putting together a recovery plan. I ll use this thread to keep track of it all, so just as a warning some of the initial posts may be long.
I kind of tried to do plans in the past by coming up with some activities and rules to keep me off alcohol. Problem is they have worked for a while, then I started bending the rules but maintained the activities, then forgot the rules and gave up on the activities and finally got back to where I started but drinking more and faster. This is no longer going to happen.
Now, reading the links Dee has sent I realised something really stupid: I don't really know and never tried to find out why I drink. I am confident it's not a bigger emotional issue that drives me to it, alcohol
is the issue. I am also confident it's not chemical dependence. I am glad this is my case, I see some of your threads on having to deal with anxiety, depression, grief, marriage problems, financial issues, and can only feel lucky to be here doing this before any of these happen to me, a lot of you have actually told me that.
So this is going to be the step 1 of my plan: understand why I drink. Once I complete that I will write the proper plan itself.
I'm at a good place now, sober for a while for my standards and this time I found SR (which completely changed the game), so I am naturally thinking a lot about this question and a lot of very clear defining memories are popping out of nowhere (has anybody had that too? It's really strange!). The answer is nearly there.
In the meantime I have already started exercising, eating well and spending time on a couple of projects I know keep me away from drinking temporarily (and would work long term if I could keep sober and planned them more objectively).
I have also decided I will open up to my wife about admitting I have a real drinking problem and what I am doing about it. Eventually I'd like to do the same with my parents (this will be trickier as alcohol recently killed my grandad, he was always heavy into it and as a result my mum is very sensitive about the subject, so I want to reach a few months sober before telling her).
My main motivation is that I know the person I want to become, but I need to learn how to stop alcohol from getting on the way. Easy to say, hard to do, but your stories and comments have made me up for at least taking the challenge properly now, I hope I can do the same for other people here one day.
All the best.
P
So following the advice from you lovely people I will be putting together a recovery plan. I ll use this thread to keep track of it all, so just as a warning some of the initial posts may be long.
I kind of tried to do plans in the past by coming up with some activities and rules to keep me off alcohol. Problem is they have worked for a while, then I started bending the rules but maintained the activities, then forgot the rules and gave up on the activities and finally got back to where I started but drinking more and faster. This is no longer going to happen.
Now, reading the links Dee has sent I realised something really stupid: I don't really know and never tried to find out why I drink. I am confident it's not a bigger emotional issue that drives me to it, alcohol
is the issue. I am also confident it's not chemical dependence. I am glad this is my case, I see some of your threads on having to deal with anxiety, depression, grief, marriage problems, financial issues, and can only feel lucky to be here doing this before any of these happen to me, a lot of you have actually told me that.
So this is going to be the step 1 of my plan: understand why I drink. Once I complete that I will write the proper plan itself.
I'm at a good place now, sober for a while for my standards and this time I found SR (which completely changed the game), so I am naturally thinking a lot about this question and a lot of very clear defining memories are popping out of nowhere (has anybody had that too? It's really strange!). The answer is nearly there.
In the meantime I have already started exercising, eating well and spending time on a couple of projects I know keep me away from drinking temporarily (and would work long term if I could keep sober and planned them more objectively).
I have also decided I will open up to my wife about admitting I have a real drinking problem and what I am doing about it. Eventually I'd like to do the same with my parents (this will be trickier as alcohol recently killed my grandad, he was always heavy into it and as a result my mum is very sensitive about the subject, so I want to reach a few months sober before telling her).
My main motivation is that I know the person I want to become, but I need to learn how to stop alcohol from getting on the way. Easy to say, hard to do, but your stories and comments have made me up for at least taking the challenge properly now, I hope I can do the same for other people here one day.
All the best.
P
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Location: Australia
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I think knowing why you drink is something we all want to know...but IMO it's not really necessary to know that before you stop drinking.
In fact many of us (myself included) kept drinking while we tried to work out the why...
my advice is ...stop drinking now...and stay stopped - if nothing else your head will soon be much clearer - and down the road you'll be able to tackle that why question with greater clarity and a better perception
D
In fact many of us (myself included) kept drinking while we tried to work out the why...
my advice is ...stop drinking now...and stay stopped - if nothing else your head will soon be much clearer - and down the road you'll be able to tackle that why question with greater clarity and a better perception
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think knowing why you drink is something we all want to know...but IMO it's not really necessary to know that before you stop drinking.
In fact many of us (myself included) kept drinking while we tried to work out the why...
my advice is ...stop drinking now...and stay stopped - if nothing else your head will soon be much clearer - and down the road you'll be able to tackle that why question with greater clarity and a better perception
D
In fact many of us (myself included) kept drinking while we tried to work out the why...
my advice is ...stop drinking now...and stay stopped - if nothing else your head will soon be much clearer - and down the road you'll be able to tackle that why question with greater clarity and a better perception
D
Forgot to mention that, I have stopped already, day 7 since last slip!
P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
I started drinking again after 8 years off of booze (can't really claim that much sobriety as I started smoking pot 4 years after quitting it all). I think I started again for a lot of reasons... I had moved from my home town of 37 years to a different state and was having trouble finding a place where I fit in. I didn't do what I should have done (go back to AA) mainly because I felt like such a hypocrite for claiming I was sober when I was getting stoned everyday. I had difficulty finding a job. My family was here and they were a great support but it wasn't the same as having friends. I got sucked in to the poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. I've been here over six years now and at first alcohol was the answer. I started making friends, had parties, went to the bars, and I finally felt accepted. Then it got to where I couldn't go a day with out several drinks. In fact, for the last two and a half years I have had no less than six or eight drinks a day, and most days more like 20-25. When I quit this time it was really awful. Today marks 9 days without a drink. (Haven't been smoking pot for a couple of months now.). I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. Today I am not going to drink. I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
Sorry for the rambling post. Guess I just needed to get some of that out... Peace!!
Sorry for the rambling post. Guess I just needed to get some of that out... Peace!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Elicia08,
This is the place to do it! Better let it all out than keeping anything in.
You are definitely on the right track, two months off pot is great and 9 days off drinking is an awesome start. I am on day 7 here, but only drank once and little in about a month, so starting to get more positive than negative thoughts at this stage. Keep going and you'll get there too!
P
This is the place to do it! Better let it all out than keeping anything in.
You are definitely on the right track, two months off pot is great and 9 days off drinking is an awesome start. I am on day 7 here, but only drank once and little in about a month, so starting to get more positive than negative thoughts at this stage. Keep going and you'll get there too!
P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
Originally Posted by MrPL
Hi Elicia08,
This is the place to do it! Better let it all out than keeping anything in.
You are definitely on the right track, two months off pot is great and 9 days off drinking is an awesome start. I am on day 7 here, but only drank once and little in about a month, so starting to get more positive than negative thoughts at this stage. Keep going and you'll get there too!
P
This is the place to do it! Better let it all out than keeping anything in.
You are definitely on the right track, two months off pot is great and 9 days off drinking is an awesome start. I am on day 7 here, but only drank once and little in about a month, so starting to get more positive than negative thoughts at this stage. Keep going and you'll get there too!
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Why I drink
My trip down memory lane is now over and I got to a convincing idea of why I drink. It doesn't explain why it gets to the quantity and frequency of when alcohol takes over, I think this is just a natural progression because of my drinking problem, but it does almost always explain why I start drinking, be it the first drink of the day or the end of a sober period.
My history of really pushing with alcohol and drugs started when I was 16. Before that I was a very busy kid, did well at school, had a job, did sports, played guitar, so not much time for exploring the dark side. Then I lost my job, slowed down on the sports and had a lot of time on my hands, which I decided to use to get drunk and high because I thought I deserved it, after all I had been working hard for a few years and had earned the right to enjoy myself a bit.
Now without going into too much detail, my (lovely) parents basically taught me two main lessons: work hard and be nice to people.
So for the next few years, though I started drinking more and more and started taking more drugs, I also consistently worked hard and was nice to people. So life progressed in this way, I achieved the main things I wanted, but kept getting high and drunk because my hard work entitled me to it.
There were points when the scales tipped too much to the dark side because I got too hooked into a drug, but every single time this happened I managed to quit something before it was too late, before I screwed up my career or pushed someone away. I did this with ecstasy, mdma, lsd, weed and coke.
Now here is a key point: I never fully stopped, I basically took a break to quit one substance, but afterwards came back stronger to the ones I was left with, to the point that everything else had to go and now I am left with alcohol.
It's been like that for 6 years, but unlike the other substances I quit in the past, every single time I tried to stop drinking, after a few weeks of recovery the same thought came to my head: "hey, you deserve it, you work hard, you're nice to people, things are fine, it won't get as bad as last time". But not only it did, it kept getting worse.
I think this urge for properly cleaning up now came because I can see that the way I drink no longer can coexist with my two key values (work hard and be nice!), and soon something has to give. If I go back to drinking It'll be my marriage. Instead I decided it will be alcohol.
This may look simple, but it really explains it for me.
I now know how my AV is likely to try and convince me to drink next time and this will help me build my plan.
I know the activities I need to do to stay sober temporarily, but I am going to set myself goals related to these so that they gain a purpose for themselves and move to the "reward side" of my mind frame. If I just do them as before, they become part of the "hard work side" and drinking jumps in again until it takes over.
Sorry for the long post, this is the last one like this! Now it's time to build a plan and get on with it!
Can't wait to have a drink after doing all that hard work, a nice warm cup of tea!
P
My history of really pushing with alcohol and drugs started when I was 16. Before that I was a very busy kid, did well at school, had a job, did sports, played guitar, so not much time for exploring the dark side. Then I lost my job, slowed down on the sports and had a lot of time on my hands, which I decided to use to get drunk and high because I thought I deserved it, after all I had been working hard for a few years and had earned the right to enjoy myself a bit.
Now without going into too much detail, my (lovely) parents basically taught me two main lessons: work hard and be nice to people.
So for the next few years, though I started drinking more and more and started taking more drugs, I also consistently worked hard and was nice to people. So life progressed in this way, I achieved the main things I wanted, but kept getting high and drunk because my hard work entitled me to it.
There were points when the scales tipped too much to the dark side because I got too hooked into a drug, but every single time this happened I managed to quit something before it was too late, before I screwed up my career or pushed someone away. I did this with ecstasy, mdma, lsd, weed and coke.
Now here is a key point: I never fully stopped, I basically took a break to quit one substance, but afterwards came back stronger to the ones I was left with, to the point that everything else had to go and now I am left with alcohol.
It's been like that for 6 years, but unlike the other substances I quit in the past, every single time I tried to stop drinking, after a few weeks of recovery the same thought came to my head: "hey, you deserve it, you work hard, you're nice to people, things are fine, it won't get as bad as last time". But not only it did, it kept getting worse.
I think this urge for properly cleaning up now came because I can see that the way I drink no longer can coexist with my two key values (work hard and be nice!), and soon something has to give. If I go back to drinking It'll be my marriage. Instead I decided it will be alcohol.
This may look simple, but it really explains it for me.
I now know how my AV is likely to try and convince me to drink next time and this will help me build my plan.
I know the activities I need to do to stay sober temporarily, but I am going to set myself goals related to these so that they gain a purpose for themselves and move to the "reward side" of my mind frame. If I just do them as before, they become part of the "hard work side" and drinking jumps in again until it takes over.
Sorry for the long post, this is the last one like this! Now it's time to build a plan and get on with it!
Can't wait to have a drink after doing all that hard work, a nice warm cup of tea!
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Day 8 on track! First day armed with a recovery plan, have to say it's a game changer!
Credits to Dee for recommending it to every singe newcomer!
Going to stay up doing productive stuff and go to bed later with the aim of sleeping less but better.
P
Credits to Dee for recommending it to every singe newcomer!
Going to stay up doing productive stuff and go to bed later with the aim of sleeping less but better.
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Day 9 going well. Detox is definitely finished and body feels good. Got a new thought in my head that every single action I do has to get me closer to the person I want to be!
Recorded two songs in 45 minutes last night, personal best by miles (and it had been 4 months since I did any singing!)
Felt like a drink today but so much easier to avoid after joining this forum I can't even consider it a craving.
Hope everyone is doing well, your success is my motivation!
P
Recorded two songs in 45 minutes last night, personal best by miles (and it had been 4 months since I did any singing!)
Felt like a drink today but so much easier to avoid after joining this forum I can't even consider it a craving.
Hope everyone is doing well, your success is my motivation!
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
End of day 11 and the plan keeps moving.
Had a great talk with my wife today, she rarely drinks and was very glad to hear I am finally dealing with the problem properly. She agreed to shut up my AV if for whatever reason I am not able to do it myself.
This is also the first night I feel properly tired, looking like there's some decent sleep coming my way.
The novelty of entering the recovery process is starting to wear off and part of me is slightly upset thinking I "can't" drink anymore, but deep inside I know I don't want to drink anymore, so can or can't is kind of irrelevant. Guess the difficult bit will be getting used to life at a slower speed, but I am ready for the challenge and got the right support around.
Hope everyone is doing well.
P
Had a great talk with my wife today, she rarely drinks and was very glad to hear I am finally dealing with the problem properly. She agreed to shut up my AV if for whatever reason I am not able to do it myself.
This is also the first night I feel properly tired, looking like there's some decent sleep coming my way.
The novelty of entering the recovery process is starting to wear off and part of me is slightly upset thinking I "can't" drink anymore, but deep inside I know I don't want to drink anymore, so can or can't is kind of irrelevant. Guess the difficult bit will be getting used to life at a slower speed, but I am ready for the challenge and got the right support around.
Hope everyone is doing well.
P
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