Back to work today, nervous, anxious.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Back to work today, nervous, anxious.
Already triggered at 235 AM. I have been gone for 6 weeks. Afraid that my code has been tampered with, my projects worked on by other programmers. Wish I had an anxiety pill but I was more addicted to those than alcohol. DOC.
Wish I didn't feel so pressured. I bring pressure on myself. Irrational thinking. I know deep down everyone else has their own projects yet I keep thinking mine have been messed with.
Wish me luck please. I am going to miss SR being a keyboard away. My Internet on my phone is spotty on campus.
Off to read inspirational posts.
Thanks for being such a big part of my recovery.
Bug
Wish I didn't feel so pressured. I bring pressure on myself. Irrational thinking. I know deep down everyone else has their own projects yet I keep thinking mine have been messed with.
Wish me luck please. I am going to miss SR being a keyboard away. My Internet on my phone is spotty on campus.
Off to read inspirational posts.
Thanks for being such a big part of my recovery.
Bug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey,
I can totally relate to your post as I am somebody who suffered from anxiety as well as alcoholism. I drank to calm my nerves and that worked for a few years. I could balance drinking with my life. Then as my tolerance went up and the quantity increased I was waking up every day hungover with a terrible headache. I still went to work every day. Most people would have called in sick if they felt that terrible but when you feel like that every day you can't call in sick. My objective as work was to simply get through the day. Some days this was nearly impossible.
Back to your specific situation. When I first sobered up I was up all night several times. My heart was beating rapidly at 2, 3, 4 in the morning and I'd finally get in the shower around 6 am and go in early. I remember standing in my office thinking Man, I feel pretty terrible right now but I actually feel better with no sleep than I did hungover with "sleep." I have to put that in quotations because my quality of sleep was just terrible and then it would be compounded by the hangover.
Your sleep schedule will normalize.
But I hear you. At 2 in the morning it feels hopeless but you will get used to it.
I still have insomnia but I feel substantially better than I EVER did with those daily hangovers.
I can totally relate to your post as I am somebody who suffered from anxiety as well as alcoholism. I drank to calm my nerves and that worked for a few years. I could balance drinking with my life. Then as my tolerance went up and the quantity increased I was waking up every day hungover with a terrible headache. I still went to work every day. Most people would have called in sick if they felt that terrible but when you feel like that every day you can't call in sick. My objective as work was to simply get through the day. Some days this was nearly impossible.
Back to your specific situation. When I first sobered up I was up all night several times. My heart was beating rapidly at 2, 3, 4 in the morning and I'd finally get in the shower around 6 am and go in early. I remember standing in my office thinking Man, I feel pretty terrible right now but I actually feel better with no sleep than I did hungover with "sleep." I have to put that in quotations because my quality of sleep was just terrible and then it would be compounded by the hangover.
Your sleep schedule will normalize.
But I hear you. At 2 in the morning it feels hopeless but you will get used to it.
I still have insomnia but I feel substantially better than I EVER did with those daily hangovers.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
I get up at 4 normally, so I am not too far off. And I definitely never slept as good as I have these last weeks. I usually meditate at this time but I am so tightly wound up. Ugh! I had irrational anxiety!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
I feel you! I have to leave for work in 45 minutes, and I'm anxious as hell. Especially because I left things on a weird note on Friday, and that plagued me all weekend. But we're strong. Despite the constant worrying, we pick ourselves up and get through the day. That takes a lot of strength! Best of luck today, I hope everything calms down once you're there!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
One step at a time- break it down into whatever increments you need to. "I am going to talk to this person now." "I am going to make a to do list of programs [or insert the right work terminology here] that I need to catch up on after being away." Etc.
Breathe. Take a step out of a room (having to go to the bathroom is a trick I use often, even if just for a sec of alone time! Who's gonna question that?!). Breathe.
You will be home soon and your first day back will be done. You can do it- hope it is going well.
Breathe. Take a step out of a room (having to go to the bathroom is a trick I use often, even if just for a sec of alone time! Who's gonna question that?!). Breathe.
You will be home soon and your first day back will be done. You can do it- hope it is going well.
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