Feedback please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Feedback please
I am failing at this.
I've gone to AA, I've started therapy, I've read, I've journaled. I cannot stay sober. I want what you all have and am so jealous to those who have overcome. I stay sober for a while, am so happy and start feeling good. Then I drink. I cannot be convinced that I have to stay permanently stopped.
I can't take the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and physical sickness anymore. Why can't I stop my own nightmare when it is squarely in my hands?
I hate myself for even writing this. All I have to do is not drink. Why can't I just do it?
I've gone to AA, I've started therapy, I've read, I've journaled. I cannot stay sober. I want what you all have and am so jealous to those who have overcome. I stay sober for a while, am so happy and start feeling good. Then I drink. I cannot be convinced that I have to stay permanently stopped.
I can't take the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and physical sickness anymore. Why can't I stop my own nightmare when it is squarely in my hands?
I hate myself for even writing this. All I have to do is not drink. Why can't I just do it?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 979
It is an awful cycle isn't it? I did the same thing. For years. The self loathing becomes unbearable. The anxiety was through the roof. Know you're not alone. I am glad that you're here. I think a HUGE part of it for me is knowing that I cannot regulate. The switch is either on or off. Many, many times I have fallen. It stinks to say that I can never drink again. But I cannot. If I do even one time the cycle starts all over. The day one loathing, hatred, anxiety, sick, shakes, guilt, shame, remorse all comes back.
Whenever I relapsed it was always the "just one more time" mentality. I needed to get it through my thick head that a few hours of "enjoyment" was always paid for 10 fold the next day. The feelings, the emotions, the sickness,.
Whenever I relapsed it was always the "just one more time" mentality. I needed to get it through my thick head that a few hours of "enjoyment" was always paid for 10 fold the next day. The feelings, the emotions, the sickness,.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
I could have written that post myself, lovetolisten. You are most certainly not alone in your feelings. However, for us alcoholics quitting drinking and staying abstinent is a very tough thing to do. But you know what? Lots and lots of other people have felt exactly like you do and have quit for good and lived happy, healthy sober lives.
Keep going! Never give up. Tweak your recovery plan. Write a letter to yourself explaining all the reasons you don't drink and what is being risked if you do, and read it when cravings hit. Do residential treatment.
Please don't forget ... you have the power to change your life. Alcohol can't lift itself to your lips...only your hands can. And you control your hands.
Keep going! Never give up. Tweak your recovery plan. Write a letter to yourself explaining all the reasons you don't drink and what is being risked if you do, and read it when cravings hit. Do residential treatment.
Please don't forget ... you have the power to change your life. Alcohol can't lift itself to your lips...only your hands can. And you control your hands.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's a real addiction alcoholism, if I could just simply stop I probably wouldn't be here on SR posting, I would have flicked the off switch and got on with my life.
Instead I needed a plan, and I needed to execute that plan consistently, plug the gaps in it and continue on for months if not well over a year before the new routines, the new habits, and my decision making became more natural.
Sobriety is keeping alcohol away from your lips, if your actions and decisions are still causing you to buy, be around people or events that lead to drinking, then that's the place to start and tweak your plan.
You can do this!!
Instead I needed a plan, and I needed to execute that plan consistently, plug the gaps in it and continue on for months if not well over a year before the new routines, the new habits, and my decision making became more natural.
Sobriety is keeping alcohol away from your lips, if your actions and decisions are still causing you to buy, be around people or events that lead to drinking, then that's the place to start and tweak your plan.
You can do this!!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi lovetolisten, there isn't a person here who doesn't know exactly how you feel.
Unfortunately the hardest thing to do when you want a drink is to execute your plan. The easiest is to just pick up because your mind will push out all the negatives in it's path when the addictive voice comes calling.
There's no way to sugarcoat it, it's hard work and you have to want it. No way around it, only through it.
It takes making yourself do whatever is necessary to get through the craving (hence the plan). Then you do the same the next time. Every time you do this your sobriety muscles get stronger. In fact, what begins to happen is that you almost want to hug yourself when you do it a few times and realize that this can be done. As more time passes the cravings begin to dwindle.
The secret is all in the plan. The more you follow your plan and make yourself stick to it the easier it gets. You can do this. You have to accept that under no circumstance will there be a reason to drink.
What's your plan?
Unfortunately the hardest thing to do when you want a drink is to execute your plan. The easiest is to just pick up because your mind will push out all the negatives in it's path when the addictive voice comes calling.
There's no way to sugarcoat it, it's hard work and you have to want it. No way around it, only through it.
It takes making yourself do whatever is necessary to get through the craving (hence the plan). Then you do the same the next time. Every time you do this your sobriety muscles get stronger. In fact, what begins to happen is that you almost want to hug yourself when you do it a few times and realize that this can be done. As more time passes the cravings begin to dwindle.
The secret is all in the plan. The more you follow your plan and make yourself stick to it the easier it gets. You can do this. You have to accept that under no circumstance will there be a reason to drink.
What's your plan?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Windancer 
However, for us alcoholics quitting drinking and staying abstinent is a very tough thing to do.
staying sober isnt.
many people here will agree.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by lovetolisten
All I have to do is not drink. Why can't I just do it?
I cannot be convinced that I have to stay permanently stopped.
If you can't take drinking entirely off the table, for good, you are apt to drink again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Originally Posted by lovetolisten
All I have to do is not drink. Why can't I just do it?
But...to stay sober permanently, you need to make lifestyle changes to support your recovery long-term. For example, do you have hobbies that you enjoy and are involved with, do you have an exercise program, where do you spend your leisure time, do your friends drink?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Thank you all for the responses.
It has become a compulsion. I know the alcoholism is progressing, I know it is making me sick(er), there is more regret.
I just haven't been able to get it through my head that THIS can be the bottom and the end. It is terrible, but I am afraid it is going to take a job loss or problem with the law before I get it and make the commitment to permanently abstain.
I go to meetings and therapy and feel motivated to stop, but the resolve always wanes.
But the hole in my plan is I set myself up for failure by going places where alcohol is going to be and people are going to be drinking. I need to change my routine
It has become a compulsion. I know the alcoholism is progressing, I know it is making me sick(er), there is more regret.
I just haven't been able to get it through my head that THIS can be the bottom and the end. It is terrible, but I am afraid it is going to take a job loss or problem with the law before I get it and make the commitment to permanently abstain.
I go to meetings and therapy and feel motivated to stop, but the resolve always wanes.
But the hole in my plan is I set myself up for failure by going places where alcohol is going to be and people are going to be drinking. I need to change my routine
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
MIRecovery hit the nail on the head with this saying:
"I had to build a new life not make my old life work without alcohol"
I know that sounds far reaching but you'll be surprised at how very uninteresting some of the things you used to do become once you get sober. The truth is, you don't even miss them. It's then that you realize just how much you used to do only because alcohol was involved.
You can do this. Life is far better than I ever imagined it could be. It can be the same for you.
"I had to build a new life not make my old life work without alcohol"
I know that sounds far reaching but you'll be surprised at how very uninteresting some of the things you used to do become once you get sober. The truth is, you don't even miss them. It's then that you realize just how much you used to do only because alcohol was involved.
You can do this. Life is far better than I ever imagined it could be. It can be the same for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Originally Posted by lovetolisten
Thank you all for the responses.
It has become a compulsion. I know the alcoholism is progressing, I know it is making me sick(er), there is more regret.
I just haven't been able to get it through my head that THIS can be the bottom and the end. It is terrible, but I am afraid it is going to take a job loss or problem with the law before I get it and make the commitment to permanently abstain.
I go to meetings and therapy and feel motivated to stop, but the resolve always wanes.
But the hole in my plan is I set myself up for failure by going places where alcohol is going to be and people are going to be drinking. I need to change my routine
It has become a compulsion. I know the alcoholism is progressing, I know it is making me sick(er), there is more regret.
I just haven't been able to get it through my head that THIS can be the bottom and the end. It is terrible, but I am afraid it is going to take a job loss or problem with the law before I get it and make the commitment to permanently abstain.
I go to meetings and therapy and feel motivated to stop, but the resolve always wanes.
But the hole in my plan is I set myself up for failure by going places where alcohol is going to be and people are going to be drinking. I need to change my routine
some great advice here about making changes & putting in the effort.
I had a choice to make. I could be who I wanted to be and live the life I wanted to lead...or I could drink.
One or the other...but never both.
I use this analogy a lot...but it's a good one:
Feed the right wolf
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Sometimes you gotta fight the addiction but other times you gotta just give up the fight and let sobriety happen. When you get a little time, and a craving comes along, let it ride. Each time we go to bed sober is another little victory and we wake up one step closer.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I am someone who got sober without AA. I have read the Big Book and still read it on a regular basis. That book is incredible whether you're in the program or not. It smashed any uniqueness (about my alcoholism) I thought I had. Before I read it I thought I had aspects to my drinking and need to drink that were truly unique to me. Wrong. It was like reading my life story.
Whether you go to meetings or not just focus on not drinking. No way, no how, no alcohol. It's a relief to take it off the table as an option. I can't buy a Mercedes, I can't do a backflip, and I can't drink alcohol. It is literally not an option for me. I tried and tried for years to keep as some sort of backup option. What a relief to stop playing that game.
As you can see I've made something like 2,500 posts on here over six years. Posting on here is my form of meetings. Many people have much more than this. I check in as my program. Why do you think I'm here after two years of sobriety? I consider it maintenance or insurance. I don't every want to forget why I stopped in the first place.
Personally, I find everyone's stories helpful as a reminder of where I was and how far I've come.
Whether you go to meetings or not just focus on not drinking. No way, no how, no alcohol. It's a relief to take it off the table as an option. I can't buy a Mercedes, I can't do a backflip, and I can't drink alcohol. It is literally not an option for me. I tried and tried for years to keep as some sort of backup option. What a relief to stop playing that game.
As you can see I've made something like 2,500 posts on here over six years. Posting on here is my form of meetings. Many people have much more than this. I check in as my program. Why do you think I'm here after two years of sobriety? I consider it maintenance or insurance. I don't every want to forget why I stopped in the first place.
Personally, I find everyone's stories helpful as a reminder of where I was and how far I've come.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I got sober, and tried going to AA for six months, went to counselling / therapy sessions, read books, and journaled. I did stay sober, but felt like i was going crazy, and was holding on by the skin of my teeth, and no doubt was close to caving.
In the end the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and resentments that I carried around became too much to bear. I reached the special kind of desperate where I became willing to do what I'd previously been unwilling to do. For me, that meant asking someone to sponsor me, working the steps praying every morning, and leaning to apply the program of AA to all areas of my life. And thats when things turned around for me. I no longer hate myself, or anyone else. I no longer have the compulsion to drink. Those AA promises came true for me, as they have for others who have become willing to hand themselves over to the program.
In order to stop we need to deal with our alcoholic DRINKING. This is done simply by not taking the first drink.
In order to stay stopped and achieve a happy and healthy sobriety we need to deal with our alcoholic THINKING. And that is what the 12-step program of recovery is all about. It is also what other programs of recovery are about - I'm talking about AA because that's the program I know, and hopefully others can tell you more about those other options should you ask. But what it boils down to is, if we want things to change, long term, then WE need to change what we do and how we think - long term. Alcoholism is more like diabetes than breaking your leg. It is ongoing. But manageable. If we are willing to take responsibility for it. There is no dramatic rescue in sight. We have to be our own superheroes here. But the good news is that we As are a resourceful lot, and when we really do want recovery more than we want to drink, we can work the recovery game pretty well. Besides, there's loads of other super heroes we can hook up with, and they're pretty cool as well.
In the end the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and resentments that I carried around became too much to bear. I reached the special kind of desperate where I became willing to do what I'd previously been unwilling to do. For me, that meant asking someone to sponsor me, working the steps praying every morning, and leaning to apply the program of AA to all areas of my life. And thats when things turned around for me. I no longer hate myself, or anyone else. I no longer have the compulsion to drink. Those AA promises came true for me, as they have for others who have become willing to hand themselves over to the program.
In order to stop we need to deal with our alcoholic DRINKING. This is done simply by not taking the first drink.
In order to stay stopped and achieve a happy and healthy sobriety we need to deal with our alcoholic THINKING. And that is what the 12-step program of recovery is all about. It is also what other programs of recovery are about - I'm talking about AA because that's the program I know, and hopefully others can tell you more about those other options should you ask. But what it boils down to is, if we want things to change, long term, then WE need to change what we do and how we think - long term. Alcoholism is more like diabetes than breaking your leg. It is ongoing. But manageable. If we are willing to take responsibility for it. There is no dramatic rescue in sight. We have to be our own superheroes here. But the good news is that we As are a resourceful lot, and when we really do want recovery more than we want to drink, we can work the recovery game pretty well. Besides, there's loads of other super heroes we can hook up with, and they're pretty cool as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by Berrybean
I got sober, and tried going to AA for six months, went to counselling / therapy sessions, read books, and journaled. I did stay sober, but felt like i was going crazy, and was holding on by the skin of my teeth, and no doubt was close to caving.
In the end the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and resentments that I carried around became too much to bear. I reached the special kind of desperate where I became willing to do what I'd previously been unwilling to do. For me, that meant asking someone to sponsor me, working the steps praying every morning, and leaning to apply the program of AA to all areas of my life. And thats when things turned around for me. I no longer hate myself, or anyone else. I no longer have the compulsion to drink. Those AA promises came true for me, as they have for others who have become willing to hand themselves over to the program.
In order to stop we need to deal with our alcoholic DRINKING. This is done simply by not taking the first drink.
In order to stay stopped and achieve a happy and healthy sobriety we need to deal with our alcoholic THINKING. And that is what the 12-step program of recovery is all about. It is also what other programs of recovery are about - I'm talking about AA because that's the program I know, and hopefully others can tell you more about those other options should you ask. But what it boils down to is, if we want things to change, long term, then WE need to change what we do and how we think - long term. Alcoholism is more like diabetes than breaking your leg. It is ongoing. But manageable. If we are willing to take responsibility for it. There is no dramatic rescue in sight. We have to be our own superheroes here. But the good news is that we As are a resourceful lot, and when we really do want recovery more than we want to drink, we can work the recovery game pretty well. Besides, there's loads of other super heroes we can hook up with, and they're pretty cool as well.
In the end the regret, shame, paranoia, anxiety, and resentments that I carried around became too much to bear. I reached the special kind of desperate where I became willing to do what I'd previously been unwilling to do. For me, that meant asking someone to sponsor me, working the steps praying every morning, and leaning to apply the program of AA to all areas of my life. And thats when things turned around for me. I no longer hate myself, or anyone else. I no longer have the compulsion to drink. Those AA promises came true for me, as they have for others who have become willing to hand themselves over to the program.
In order to stop we need to deal with our alcoholic DRINKING. This is done simply by not taking the first drink.
In order to stay stopped and achieve a happy and healthy sobriety we need to deal with our alcoholic THINKING. And that is what the 12-step program of recovery is all about. It is also what other programs of recovery are about - I'm talking about AA because that's the program I know, and hopefully others can tell you more about those other options should you ask. But what it boils down to is, if we want things to change, long term, then WE need to change what we do and how we think - long term. Alcoholism is more like diabetes than breaking your leg. It is ongoing. But manageable. If we are willing to take responsibility for it. There is no dramatic rescue in sight. We have to be our own superheroes here. But the good news is that we As are a resourceful lot, and when we really do want recovery more than we want to drink, we can work the recovery game pretty well. Besides, there's loads of other super heroes we can hook up with, and they're pretty cool as well.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
