Sissyfuss

After 8 months no contact with my A step-daughter I get a text stating the 3 gkids want to see me before school starts. This is code for bring the debit card and spend the usual 2 grand because my new loser bf is as useless as my ex baby daddy. I've been going to Alanon for 8 months now and I see what an incredible Codie enabler I became trying to protect and provide for my daughter and the children for the last 14 years. The quandary now is if I take the children back to school shopping(without daughter) is that still enabling and also how in the hell can I have healthy relationship with these wonderful children when the adults they are being dysfunctionallly raised by I find so disgusting? Feedback greatly appreciated.

Ariesagain

It's not the children's fault their mother is an alcoholic, so maybe I'm wrong, but taking them shopping for things she can't sell is helping them, not her?

Theoretically if you don't, she would have to use her money instead of drinking it, but she probably will drink it anyway and the kids won't have what they need, so...

Sendng you a hug. It's a tough situation.

AnvilheadII

the children have NO choice in their parentage......they are at the mercy of the decisions made by adults. if you CAN provide and if you can do so just for THEM, then go for it. i guess the concern could be would your AD take anything BACK to the store for cash??? if so, cut off all tags and keep the receipts.

Lilro

My opinion?? How old are these kids? If under working age I would bring them to Walmart, spend $100 bucks on each and call it a day. But that's just me. It's not these children's fault that their mom and dad are the way they are. But again, that's just what I would do. No need to spend thousands. I would get them necessaties only and leave the rest for their parents to figure out. As a single mom myself, my mother to this day gives me a hundred to help me with clothes, shoes, supplies, whatever, for my son and he's starting his senior year, lol. I don't need it but she insists. I guess it makes her feel good to do that and as much as I protest, she won't back down. God bless her she's so cute!
So take the enabling out of it and think of the children only. Again, only my opinion.

Sissyfuss

The kids are 7,8, and 14. I've learned about no cash, keep the receipts, but I forgot about the tags. She has an incredibly strong mothering instinct and if she didn't she would probably be a crack ***** by now. There may be a time that comes when I'll be raising those kids if she continues down the path of addiction. Right now everything is up in the air and if not for Alanon I would be living under a bridge by now. Thank for the support.

dandylion

There is a special place in heaven for grandmothers!!!

dandylion

Sissyfuss

Dandy, does that mean as a grandfather I'm going to somewhere really warm? My handle does throw people off and I do appreciate your reply.

dandylion

OH, Sissyfuss....I should have said "grandparents".......because it is true...
Across the world, there are grandparents who change the lives of their grandchildren......and the sex doesn't make a bit of difference....
I know that my grandmother did for me...I didn't ever get to know my grandfather..

LOL...you won't ever have to worry about the heat....