Eliasson

Running errands with my son today to get him ready for move in day at college on Wednesday and I can't breathe and am choking back tears. He is my last of 4 children, so life is about to change drastically for me and I'm experiencing a lot of fear. Being a mom has been my primary job for 28 years.
I've also spent most of those years trying to get sober and have 15 days this time. I have mixed feelings about this. Beating myself up for not being able to accomplish lasting sobriety while my kids were at home. And why get sober NOW?? I'll be lonely all I'll have is my husband who drinks more than I do.
I'm grateful though, that despite me and my alcoholism, my son has turned into an amazing young man whom I could not be prouder of.
But I can't breathe...

Darwinia

Difficult one. Why now? Perhaps to live long enough to see your grandkids?

Soberwolf

Don't worry we have your back you won't be alone youl have us x

earlyriser

I felt the same way when my youngest child (a son) started college. Even though he was still living home and attending nearby community college at first, I had been a mom for 40 years, and felt much like you. But it's your AV suggesting "why get sober now?". Getting sober is always the best course whenever we manage to pull it off, because it is simply better than being drunk. I am looking at sobriety and my empty nest as a chance to figure out who I really am, with a clarity alcohol had destroyed, and a focus that mothering responsibilities wouldn't allow.
Also, kids have a lot of pressure to drink in college, and I see my son making some poor choices regarding alcohol - I certainly need to be sober to deal with this if I see it getting out of hand. I've certainly not set an example so far.
Hang in there and keep adding to your 15 days. It takes a lot of work to get that far. and you won't have to go through those crappy first days again.

Dee74

Don;t let your fear dissuade you Eliasson - you're on the right road.

Instead of an ending, maybe this is just the beginning to a life you love?

uncorked

Eliasson, I have 4 kids and 3 of them are triplets who are starting college next week. I moved one of my daughters in yesterday and will move my son Wednesday. The other triplet daughter is commuting but not for long. I feel like I've been dying a slow death since their senior year started because like you, my whole identity is wrapped up in being a mom. I'm now going through a divorce and will have to sell my house and move, plus find a job. But life is always changing, whether it's big things or small things. Millions of parents have cried as they leave college parking lots and most survive just fine. (At least that's what I keep telling myself! haha) Your son will still be in your life and it's important to keep pursuing sobriety. And if you need additional treatment -- outpatient or inpatient rehab, as I did -- now you can do that with your full attention. There is nothing you can do about the past, but you can tend to the present and make your health a priority for the future.

venuscat

What a wonderful post uncorked.

I'm not a parent, so I won't even pretend that I can understand how you feel right now Eliasson...but I know what it feels like to not be able to breath. And it's scary.

I think that no matter what is ahead of us, it is always the right time to stop drinking....always.

Sending you love. ♥

MythOfSisyphus

Try to breathe, Eliasson! You and Uncorked will always be moms, it will just evolve a little bit. Less day to day "momming" perhaps but try to see this as what it is- a positive step! Kids need to step out of the shadows of their parents and become the adults you raised them to be. I know that's scary since change is often uncomfortable but it brings so many opportunities for growth.

There is never a better time to get sober than right now. Remember, it's always now.

Berrybean

Sounds like your AV snuck right on in there.

Sobriety does NOT equate to loneliness. In fact, I'll be as bold as to say that in the last 2 years (since I started working on my recovery ) I have been less lonely that I ever was in my entire life, including childhood. I have learned to reach out and be open with people who warrent my trust, and lean into my fear and try new things and go diffrent places which I'd have never ever done while I was still alcohols puppet.

One of the stock phrases is AA is 'Keep It In the Day'. Which is because we have a tendency to take a fear and run with it. (No one can mentally turn an ant mound into a mountain like an alcoholic.) You will be fine - as long as you stay sober and work on your recovery. In the meantime it might be worth getting some little breathing exercises mastered to help you in the event of anxiety or overwhelming emotions. There are some good uns that really help me...

I learned a new breathing thingy (technique??) Last week at a meditation retreat from a man called Korko Moses. Place your 2nd and 3rd fingers in between your eyes on lower forehead. Place thumb on right nostril and 4th finger on left nostril.*
Hold right nostril while breath in slowly through left nostril.*
Hold briefly.*
Hold left nostril and release right one, and beathe out through right nostril.
Now breathe in right nostril . Hold briefly and then hold right nostril while breathe out of left. Breath in left. Hold. Breathe out through right. Breathe in right. Hold. Breathe out the left. Etc.

Alternate nostril breathing is very balancing and can calm our emotions and thoughts. It helps us access our creative side. I know this will help me when I return to work at the end of the summer holidays.*

The other one I use to recover myself is, breathe in slowly 1-2-3-4 thinking "God in "and breathe out slowly 1-2-3-4 thinking "Fear out" (or anger, or whatever I need to move past).

Both really simple and only take less than a minute each, but they make a massive difference to my ability to cope in a rational and positive way with what life throws at me.

Madruski

Know that your son is definitely proud to see his mum taking a positive and healthy step. And iam sure he has definitely noticed.

Eliasson

Thank you for the encouragement and tips. I am waking up sober on Day 16 to a beautiful morning and really am so grateful to everyone here for helping me walk through all the difficult moments.

Soberwolf

Grats on day 16

fred59

Elliason I was blessed to raise my kids sober my son just graduated from college and my daughter is starting her senior year of college in a month. I had 23 years 5 months sober the job was gone and marriage on the rocks and I said F it and started to drink again. Easter Sunday of this year my son and daughter went back to school and I had my 1st panick attack I could not breath I thought I was having a heart attack 2 days late I commited to sobriety again.
So even in the middle of a 29 year marriage ending no job moving away from the city I have spent my entire life in I am as committed to sobriety as I was the 1st time around because if you are an alcoholic the best choice is not to drink, you can do it Elliason get a game plan and get going , let your program evolve continue to change and sobriety is always woth it

Fly N Buy

Staying sober lays a foundation which our family's take strong foothold of hope for the future. Not drinking can be the greatest gift not only to ourselves but our off spring.

My youngest moved to school this past weekend. Two year ago he would barely speak to me. Today, much healing has taken place. I don't think we truly realize what our drinking did to those we love the most.

15 days is great - sounds like a wonderful time of life to get sober......so many possibilities yet to come!

Dee74

congrats on day 16 Eliasson

D

LostManhattan

Eliasson,

16 days sober is a great start.

You know, it's an honor and a privilege to bring fine young people into this world.
You've done good. When he comes home again you will be in a good place. That's why now.