HealthyK

So I'm back again.. I keep struggling with alcohol. I'll quit and then think I have it under control and have a beer or two but inevitably I will end up having a binge-fest and do something stupid or make someone worry about me and then get anxious the next day about my decisions.

I know I struggle with alcohol, but I have the hardest time admitting and continuing to admit that I have an issue. I don't have to drink every day, I'm more of a binge-r.

I get really upset about the fact that I can't just have one drink. I know why, I have an alcohol problem. However, I keep getting to the point where I feel like I've finally gotten a handle on it and let myself slip back into drinking again.

I have bad hangovers and anxiety and I don't want to keep doing this. I'm trying to make wise choices but I really am struggling and I do not want my drinking to start ruining my friendships.

I'm just in a really crap place today, mentally. Anyone else gone through this?

Darwinia

If quitting was easy everyone would do it. Even more true for controlled drinking. No advice I'm afraid. I am 90 days sober and wondering if it is worth it. Socialising is such a struggle.

Soberwolf

Dee74 posted these excellent links recently well suggested you read these & build a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-rabbits.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

These are more than worth printing or bookmarking on your computer/phone to read further & build a plan you can ask a mod to help too

Up your recovery plan and walk with us brother

Simplicity4114

Yep, went through that sick cycle everyday until I quit.....107 days ago. It was rough at first, but so worth it.

wpainterw

You ask whether anyone else had gone through this. Yes, I went through this for forty years, thinking I could drink moderately, sometimes staying sober and entirely free of alcohol for as long as seven years then relapsing and drinking sporadically for thirteen more. I've been through this and I finally quit, went to a rehab and started a program (AA- I had lots of issues with it but found a meeting of agnostics which worked well with me). My last drink was in 1988. I've lost all craving to drink. I haven't "given up" alcohol. I've been released from chemical slavery. I've got freedom.

W.

Hevyn

Glad you came back, HealthyK.

Like W, I tried to moderate for decades. In the end, though, I was drinking all day. It got to the point that I couldn't function without it in my system. It was hard to admit there could never be 'just one' for me. One always led to many - to being drunk - to blackouts. I never knew what would happen once it was in my system - and usually it led to danger. The fun, relaxing drinking I did in the beginning was long gone - & never coming back. It feels wonderful to be free. You can do it.

butcher70

One thing I try to do is not dwell on the past. Reading this brought up my biggest regret. I would love to go back and quit drinking the minute I started to justify my drinking to myself. The one thing I will tell others when they ask me where do I thinkmy drinking became a problem I will tell them it was the minute I started arguing with myself I had it under control because it wasnt nightly or I didnt have withdrawl etc etc. If you think you have a problem it's time to quit. I know it's hard. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done. But what else was hard was losing everything but my life because I chose drinking. Please quit before rock bottom. You will thank yourself. And I got faith in you that you can! Just posting about it shows your being proactive and that's great! Best of luck!

MrPL

My situation is not too different to your HealthyK. Been like that for years too but looks like I am finally on the right path.

What I can recommend is read the threads and stories here as a start, I m sure things will the get clearer to you.

P

bexxed

Aw man. Yes. I know this story so well.

It sucks.

"Normal" people have a different relationship with booze than I do. They have just one in the same way I have just one milkshake, because if I had two I would feel gross. And if I had six milkshakes I'd be sick and - I just wouldn't, because the idea is horrible.

People who aren't alcoholics feel about drinking a six pack the way I do about drinking six milkshakes. It's inconceivable to them.

But I only want one, intellectually. It just almost never works out that way. And I still think I can drink like a normal person, because 15-30 % of the time I do.

bexxed

By the way disclaimer: I don't like milkshakes but thought it was a good analogy.

And I used the present tense because this is just day two again, but I'm committed to not drinking, period.

HealthyK

Thanks all, I really appreciate it. I feel like a failure every time I go through this. I know it's stress and anxiety related most of the time when I do start drinking again.

This forum is honestly one of the only things that helps me when I finally realize I need to stop again. I don't feel quite so alone and it's really helpful to know that other people have gone through the same thing.

Thank you again for being so supportive <3

Dee74

Hi healthyK

I think most, if not all of us know that desire to find the way to drink and not have the negative consequences.

Daily drinker or not, if alcohol is causing you problems, it makes good sense to quit.

I know it's a leap into the unknown but there's more than enough folks who've done that same leap and not only survived but thrived.

The initial transition phase is a little rough but no m,ore than my drinking life was.

My life is immeasurably better in every way now. Why not give yourself the chance to experience that too?

D

MythOfSisyphus

W really hits the nail on the head; so long as you look at alcohol as something you're "giving up" you're in the wrong state of mind. If you had cancer and a surgery removed it you wouldn't say you "gave up cancer", you'd say you survived it! Same for booze. Those of us that can't drink normally don't give up drinking- we survive it, we break free from it. It's not loss, it's freedom.