BriarSkye

Two siblings in their fifties who have been using alcohol and drugs
for a lifetime and never even attempted sobriety. I have over 5 years clean and sober now. I have been in the rooms of recovery for over 25 years and previously had 12 consecutive years clean and sober. My sister is clean and sober also. Our brothers have destroyed their own lives and now seem to feel entitled to be financially bailed out by the family. They are both serious trainwrecks in progress. I think they are actually dangerous to our parents because of their emotional instability and college educated manipulative attitude of entitlement. I feel I have to watch out for our parents that they don't get snowed and manipulated and hand feed them whatever knowledge I have gained in recovery. I have prayed for these siblings and spoken to them about recovery in the past to no avail.
They are both circling the drain and totally desperate and dysfunctional. At this point I view them as a threat to our elderly parents in their 80s. Altho we still communicate I have no hope for either one of them and believe the family would be better off without them. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

AdelineRose

You can not control them and you can not force them into recovery, all you can do is set boundaries for yourself. As for your parents, unfortunately that is also out of your control. You can try to educate your parents, you can tell them books to read, you can tell them about meetings for family members, and you can sit down and share your concerns with them- but that is about all you can do. If your parents did not have the capacity to understand what is going on or could not make decisions for themselves- you could try to get the power to control their finances but it doesn't sound like your parents are at that point.

I know this has to break your heart and make you worry- but since you have been there you know you can't make anyone decide to get sober or control anyone's actions. I am sorry you are dealing with this, all you can do is be there for your parents and try to educate them on addiction and codependency- if they don't want to listen..well that is that.

PlasticInsanity

They may have a college education, but eventually addiction takes over and
the true colors of their words shines through. Like the post above me states, if your parents are getting at age where they may not understand what is going on, then it would be a good idea into looking at getting power of attorney (I think I said that right?).

It's hard to watch, but usually people have to learn the hard way. Your family will eventually see the situation for what it is - but either way, it's out of your hands. Your siblings aren't completely hopeless either - they still stand a chance, once they decide the pain is too much.

alterity

BriarSkye, I have the same worries about my father who is 70 chronologically but has aged biologically to at least 80 if not older due to the stress from his addicted son (my 27 year old brother, "B") and his own 50 year alcohol addiction. As AdelineRose said, you can't control them but can only try to educate them. Whenever my Dad brings up my B, I say things such as "it's in God's hands" and if he talks about bailing B out (for the millionth time) I offer my opinion that I don't think it's a good idea, etc. I see my Dad in the same way I see my B: I can't rescue, heal, protect, fix, or otherwise save him from the consequences of his own decisions/actions. Thankfully, Dad has a wife (who is not my B's mother) who I am sure wants to protect financial assets and tries the best she can to prevent him from giving B money or otherwise financially supporting him.

You having power of attorney won't protect your parents. Please don't take legal advice from someone not licensed to practice law. (I am an attorney.)

Seren

Hello BriarSkye, Congratulations on your sober time! That is an amazing accomplishment!!

I am sorry to hear that your parents are being hassled and harassed by your siblings. I do hope that steps can be taken so that they do not have so much stress at this point in their lives. Have you considered contacting the Elder Care Protection Services (kind of like DCF for seniors) in your area? They might also have some ideas worth pursuing.

Sending strength and peace! S